Chapter 18: The Iceman Speaketh

Tully

I’ve known Evangeline Eleanor Kaiser since the day she was born. Not that I remember it or anything. I do remember her kicking me in the leg when we were three, though. My three-year-old self thought she was pretty cool.

I never really gave a damn about the kids who’d make fun of me for being so close to a girl when we were young. I figured they were just jealous that Evie was my best friend and not theirs. Besides, I could’ve totally taken them in a fight if I wanted to. Not that I ever did; Evie didn’t want me to get in trouble, and I respected her wishes.

When I hit puberty, I started noticing girls, but I never thought I’d fall for my best friend. That was a total shock. I can still remember the day it happened.

We were fourteen years old, in eighth grade, and it was January. It was late on a Friday evening, and snow was falling softly all around us, adding to the foot-deep layer already on the ground. Evie and I were tromping around outside in our winter gear, making a snowman in my backyard.

“Should I go get a carrot for the nose?” I asked her.

She made a face. “Way too cliché. Be more creative.”

I tried to think of the most random, funny-sounding vegetable possible. “A zucchini?” I suggested.

“Now that’s more like it.”

I ran inside to get it and had to bargain extensively with my mother. After promising to buy her another one from the grocery store, I brought it back outside.

“Got it,” I announced, handing it to Evie. She had already found two small rocks for eyes, and she reached up to stick the zucchini beneath them.

We stepped back to take a look at our handiwork. While Evie gazed at the snowman thoughtfully, I absently cast a glance in her direction.

Then, as clichéd as it may sound, I stopped and stared.

There she was, snowflakes clinging to her ebony hair, her skin like porcelain, her eyes like the purest blue sky.

She was my best friend, and she was beautiful.

“Think fast!”

I barely had time to register her words before a cold mound of snow hit me smack in the face. As I wiped the offending substance out of my eyes, I saw Evie grinning at me.

When she laughed, I knew.

I liked her.

The realization felt like a blow to the stomach, as though some invisible force had just sucker-punched me and yelled at me to wake the hell up and see what had been sitting right in front of me for fourteen years.

Adjusting to my feelings was pretty strange. I didn’t want to screw up my friendship with Evie, so if I wanted to tell her, I needed to have the perfect way to do it. That was why I bought the silver life preserver necklace the moment I saw it a month after my revelation. It was too late for a Valentine’s Day gift, but I figured I could give it to her for her fifteenth birthday the next October. It was a great way of telling her how I felt and I knew she’d like it. She was a sucker for romantic stuff like that.

My plans got put on hold when Evie was accepted to private school, though. I completely lost my temper with her. I’d only just figured out that I liked her as more than a friend, so to find out that she was leaving me was a real blow.

I regret the things I said to her that day. I knew I’d made a huge mistake the day she left for school. Sure, I’d been mad at her for a few months, but who wouldn’t be with six stitches in his head? When I saw the Kaisers’ car pull out of their driveway, though, completely packed with all of Evie’s things, the anger left me and all that remained was a sort of empty, hollow feeling.

I moved on in high school, joining the hockey team and making new friends. I even dated a few girls, though none of them turned into anything serious. Honestly, I was too preoccupied with hockey to have much of a love life, not that it bothered me at all. Hockey was far more important to me than any shallow high school relationship I could’ve had.

For those four years, I rarely thought about my old best friend. She crossed my mind every now and then, but it really wasn’t a big deal. All that changed when I got into Cornell and my mother told me that Evie had, too. I started thinking about all the good times we’d had together and found myself actually missing her.

I admit that I was excited to see her again when orientation rolled around. I was nervous, too, but I chose to ignore that. Knowing Evie, she was going to try to avoid me. She did, of course, but I wanted so badly to patch things up between us. I wasn’t going to give up.

When I found out that she’d dated my roommate, I was completely shocked. Seriously, it was the weirdest coincidence I’d ever heard of. On the bright side, it definitely helped me become part of Evie’s life again. She was on good terms with Amory, so she really had no way of avoiding me, at least not completely.

I started talking to her again. Just as I thought we were making some progress, she started acting weird around me. As it turned out, she hadn’t really gotten over what had happened between us. When I apologized to her, she suggested that we not talk about the incident at all. I didn’t really think that burying the issue was a good idea, but I went along with it.

My friendship with Evie revived and strengthened over the first few weeks of classes, but then life decided to throw me a curve ball:

It was homecoming and Evie and I were at Schoellkopf Stadium watching the football game against Yale. We were having a great time. When Cornell scored the first touchdown, everyone in the crowd went crazy.

“YES!” Evie screamed, jumping up and down. Her long black hair fanned out behind her as she threw her head back, the red war-paint I’d smeared on her cheeks giving the picture an almost comical feel.

For the second time in my life, I stopped and stared.

She looked so happy and free, not to mention absolutely beautiful, though I’d always known that.

That’s when I realized that my feelings for her had come back. What’s more, they were stronger.

I was hesitant in throwing the l-word around. It had a lot of meaning for me, and I still wasn’t sure what was going on in my own mind. I definitely had feelings for Evie, but I was having trouble defining them. When she started dating Mischa, though, I knew.

I loved her.

It killed me that they were together. Every time I saw them kissing or even just holding hands, it felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart with a steak knife. I’d never begrudge Evie her happiness, though, so I kept my mouth shut.

I admit that I was kind of a douchebag to Mischa, though. Really, I was just jealous, but when Evie confronted me about it, I made up some bullshit reason about Russian politics. She got pissed about it, though, so I tried to make nice after that.

I tried to distract myself from the love triangle (that only I actually knew existed) by hooking up with and subsequently dating Dorianne.

Worst three weeks of my life.

She was the most annoying girlfriend I could’ve possibly imagined and was clingy as hell. Also, she kept trying to push me into having sex with her. I’m more of a take-it-slow kind of guy (probably why I’m still a virgin), and I think that frustrated her. Her attitude problem even threw off my game: I turned into a complete goon on the ice, even though I’m usually a pretty clean player.

Besides, she hated hockey. That was the deal-breaker right there. Well, that and the fact that our “relationship” hadn’t really distracted me from Evie at all. It just formed some kind of weird love quadrangle.

Then again, if you factor in Amory and Evie’s history, it was sort of a love pentagon. Would Elizabeth make that a love hexagon, then?

But I digress.

When I say I’m a take-it-slow kind of guy, I mean it. That’s why the way I acted over Christmas break was so… not me. It came out of nowhere, too. One minute, we were just fighting over the remote, and the next, we were making out like sex-crazed animals.

I like to think that I’m a pretty nice guy, but I’m still just that: a guy. In that moment, I wanted Evie so badly, and her reactions made me think that maybe she wanted me, too. Everything about her - the softness of her lips, the warmth of her skin - was absolutely intoxicating.

When I remembered that she was taken, though, my morals sprang up like an invisible barrier. What we were doing wasn’t right. Even though I wasn’t Mischa’s biggest fan, I couldn’t do that to him.

Still, it kind of stung when Evie bolted out of my house.

I tried calling her so many times. I really just wanted to apologize for fucking things up so badly, though I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to phrase that if she ever actually picked up (she didn’t). Still, I kept at it, dialing her number every day at eight after practice let out.

I hoped I’d get a chance to talk to her at my January tenth game against U-Mass Amherst, but no such luck. Mr. and Mrs. Kaiser were there and came to talk to me afterward, but they told me that Evie had stayed home with a fever.

I knew Evie, though. She’d definitely held the thermometer to a lamp or something to fake being sick. It hurt that she was going to such measures just to avoid me. Besides, having her there in the crowd watching made me want to be a better player somehow.

She kept avoiding me when classes started up again. I never saw her around anymore, though I could’ve sworn I heard her voice once or twice whispering something about echoes and tangos. Maybe I was just going crazy.

I was so happy when she finally spoke to me again, though I wish it had been under different circumstances. As secretly psyched as I was that she’d broken up with Mischa, I hated seeing her cry. The fact that she was upset made me upset, too.

I decided to give her some space after that. I wanted to make a move so badly, but it seemed kind of douchebag-ish to do it so soon after her last relationship had ended. Besides, I didn’t want to run the risk of being a rebound.

Still, I wanted to cheer her up.

When Coach Schafer told us at practice one day that the athletics office was going to start selling game-worn jerseys to fans, an idea started forming in my head and I set one of mine aside to give to Evie. She loves Cornell hockey, so I figured she’d like it. It also kind of turns me on when she wears my stuff, but she doesn’t know that. At least I hope she doesn’t.

The gift made her smile, and I practically exploded with happiness when she promised to wear it to every game. It filled me with a sort of pride that I have a hard time putting into words. I guess it gave her a pretty big hint that I have feelings for her, but then again, I’m not planning on keeping it a secret for much longer.

Right now, I’m watching Evie as she writes a paper for her government class in the library. I feel kind of like a creeper, but she knows I’m there, which lessens the stalkerish element. She just doesn’t know that I’m staring at her instead of reading my history book.

Furrowing her eyebrows, she checks something written in her notebook before feverishly typing her next few sentences. She grins to herself as she reads them a second time, apparently proud of the point she’s just made.

I love her smile.

She goes back to the beginning of the document and looks it over, her bright blue eyes darting back and forth as she goes along.

I love her eyes.

She keeps reading, lips silently forming some of the words on the page.

I love her lips.

Finding a typo, she corrects it, seemingly annoyed at her own faux pas.

I love her random obsession with proper grammar.

“Hey, Tul,” she whispers.

“Hm?”

“Can you read this for me and see if it makes sense?”

I nod. “Sure.”

A smile spreads across her face. “Thanks.”

I love her voice.

She hands me her laptop and indicates a particular paragraph.

I read it.

It’s brilliant.

She’s brilliant.

I love her.

“Makes perfect sense to me,” I tell her as I hand it back.

In five hours, I’m leaving with my team to drive to Hanover, New Hampshire for our game against Dartmouth tomorrow.

I’m going to do something about this before then.

I’m going to tell her.

A/N: An interesting change of pace, don’t you think? This is going to be the only chapter from Tully’s point of view, but I’d still appreciate some feedback on how it went. I’m not really sure how I am at speaking “guy.”

Thanks again to everyone who voted for me in the SKoW Awards, and of course to everyone who reviewed! I love you all very, very much.

Much love,

woodstock1969