Confessions of a Yaoi Fangirl

Chapter Four

Harry Potter Revisited

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"The thing is, the more forbidden a relationship is, the more I seem to like it. That's why yaoi twincest is the best!" - Layla

Twincest: (n) when twins become lovers. Can occur in the actual series or in the imaginations/fanfiction of those who watch it. Very naughty and very popular in the yaoi world, but most people with siblings find it rather gross. Examples: Hikaru and Kaoru from Ouran High School Host Club, the entire female cast of the Futakoi series (that's yuri, though and NOT yaoi).

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Ah, twincest. One of the two most outrageous tenets of yaoi. The second will follow next chapter. Those that indulge in it are among the craziest of all yaoi fangirls.

Since it is shocking to most people (especially those who have twins), twincest is one of the main reasons a yaoi fangirl must hide her little obsession. Yet at the same time, it might be the reason why yaoi is becoming more and more accepted in the fanfiction world.

Allow me to explain this seemingly contradictory statement.

Just imagine if your friends found your Fred/George slash (or that you found theirs, if you’re a lightfoot about this sort of thing)! What a catastrophe. And yet, so many people write it that it might not be that weird. We’ll talk a lot about Fred and George today, so if you’re unfamiliar with Harry Potter, let me give you the lowdown right now:

Fred and George, otherwise known as the Weasley twins are the reason why, when you type the word “weasley” in your google toolbar box, you get the suggestion of “weasleycest.” The twins are a pair of redheaded troublemakers with very attractive personalities. The “mischievous twins” stereotype is rather popular and sexy at the moment, probably because of them. They enjoy playing tricks on just about everyone, yet have a suspiciously close bond and never hurt one another.

Teenage girls from all walks of life, even non-anime fans, enjoy writing fanfiction that centers around a romance between the twins and perhaps other members of the Weasley family (there are a lot of cute British boys in said family). In fact, if you search “weasleycest” you get 5,030 results. If you search “weasley twins slash,” you get 17,200 results. It is quite popular indeed.

Yet if you talk to the average Harry Potter reader (i.e. one who doesn’t write fanfiction), they’ll tell you that they find slash in almost all forms to be quite weird and off-putting. Especially twincest.

Let me share an experience about this seeming contradiction.

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We’ll start with a conversation I had with Layla the other day. I’ll tell you more about her later this chapter.

We were chatting on the phone, idly discussing what life was like in our new colleges, while attempting to compare them. Her school is rival of mine, and so is of a very similar caliber. The only difference is that it sucks and mine doesn’t.

I was pacing in the courtyard outside my dorm as we spoke. She was talking happily about how the anime club had readily accepted her.

“I’m not gonna join one,” I said softly. I’m trying to kick the habit, really. She grumbled a little in reply.

“I just feel like I need to grow out of it,” I defended, ignoring the pointed glances I was receiving from passerby. I suppose that statement would be a little strange out of context, but whatever.

“But, but – yaoi!” she protested loudly. I sighed and shook my head.

“Layla, there’s plenty of slash out there that isn’t anime related!” I exclaimed, making a sweeping hand gesture. Someone stopped walking and stared at me. I winked at her and she moved along.

“Oh! That reminds me!” she said happily, switching back to her usual hyper self. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up a little. It wasn’t very good when Layla was reminded of something.

“Oh? What is it?” I asked, my voice coming out slightly high-pitched.

“I found the most awesome thing on the internet the other day,” she said. She smelled my fear through the phone and was drawing it out as long as possible.

“I wonder what it was…” I said, resigning myself to the inevitable.

To explain, the last time our conversation took a turn like this, she’d found a video entitled “Penis festival.” I mean, I like penises as much as the next straight girl, but that was out of control.

Anyway, she was now giggling excitedly. She loves it when you want to know.

“Jefferson Hamilton slash!” she practically shouted. Pride was evident in her voice.

Yes, you read that correctly. Thomas Jefferson, author of the US declaration of independence, and Alexander Hamilton, another important figure in American history, getting it on. Really on, actually. I checked.

After a few more pleasantries I don’t recall, we hung up and I was left astonished.

Had yaoi really come so far? First anime, then Lord of the Rings, then Harry Potter, and now…founding fathers? Of all things.

This would lead one to believe that perhaps yaoi was becoming more and more mainstream.

I decided to try a little experiment to test this hypothesis. My roommate, Loretta, was my subject.

This backfired, as you will see.

I entered the room quietly, as she was enthralled by her hieroglyph homework. Setting the phone down carefully, I assumed the most casual posture I could imagine. Sitting at my desk, my legs crossed, one arm draped lazily over the back of my chair, I looked at her calmly until she looked up.

“Hello,” she said softly. She’s not exactly the most vocal person in the world, so she turned back to her textbook.

“Can I ask you a weird question?” I asked, trying to play it cool and failing miserably. She looked up again.

“Uhm…Sure?” she replied, already seeming apprehensive. Great.

“You’ve read Harry Potter, right?” I continued, unable to maintain eye contact. I turned on my computer.

“Yes…” she said, still anticipating the promised weird question. I took a deep breath.

“Have you ever heard of stories that put say, Harry and Snape together as a couple?” I asked quickly, “Written by fans, I mean.” My head snapped back to her.

“What?” Her eyes were wide. This had obviously come as a shock to her.

“Yea, there are lots of people that put Harry and Snape, Remus and Sirius, Fred and George—”

“—Fred and George? The twins?” I winced and looked away again. She was clearly freaked out.

There was a very pregnant pause. I snuck a peek at her and noted her thoughtful expression. It gave me the courage to continue.

“So what do you think about that?” I asked, “I’m…writing a piece about people who are into that sort of thing,” (note that I fail to mention myself) “And I’m curious about the opinion of an outsider.” I waited patiently for her to think about it.

“Show me,” she said firmly, almost immediately after I’d finished speaking. I was so shocked I stood out of the chair.

“Pardon?”

“I want to read this Fred and George slash,” she replied, smirking and flipping open her computer.

I mechanically walked to where she was sitting and typed that mightiest of URLs. Fanfiction dot net.

With a practiced hand, I clicked on Books, Harry Potter, and went up to the other specifications. Genre: Romance. Character 1: George W. Character 2: Fred W.

What popped up were five pages of twincestuous nonsense. I frowned. Only five pages? She made to click on a story, but I held up a hand to stop her.

“Wait, there’s more,” I protested, beating her to the mouse and going up to change the rating range from K-T to K-M.

Now we had 8 pages of twincest, three of which contained some of the most intense ass-spelunking scenes on the net. This was what she had to see.

“Ok, now let me find one,” she said, taking the mouse and scrolling down. I suddenly felt nervous and went back to my desk.

“’Fred and George…in a shower…this summary sucks…twincest Fred slash George’,” she read, pausing to laugh every few words. I cringed. Of all the poorly written pornos without plots to choose!

“Don’t read that one,” I said before I could stop myself. She gave me a funny look.

“Why?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. I found myself blushing.

“I just think that’s a really bad one to read,” I said softly, not making eye contact. There was a brief period of silence.

The room suddenly filled with Loretta’s laughter and I whipped around. She had clearly disobeyed my warning and was reading it.

“’He rubbed his hips…and more importantly his cock—‘” here she paused in her reading and laughed again, “’Against mine…’” I slapped a palm to my forehead and went to her side.

“Ok this is crap,” I said curtly, closing the window. She was still laughing.

“I’ve never read anything so ridiculous in my life,” she choked out after she had calmed down a bit.

“Yes, well, there’s a first time for everything,” I said, totally embarrassed now. She took up the mouse again.

“Is there Hagrid slash?” she asked, already entering it in the search field. I cringed.

“Yes but we should definitely not read it,” I said slowly, making for the mouse.

“No! I want Hagrid slash!” she whined, turning away from me. I sighed.

The screen filled with a page of Hagrid romances.

“Hagrid and Hermione…Hagrid and Snape…eww…” she said half to herself as she scrolled down the page. I winced with every word.

“Oh. My. God,” she cried, jumping back from the computer.

Please, please don’t let it be… I prayed silently.

“Hagrid – Dobby slash?!” she finished with a shriek.

God was clearly not on my side that day.

Just for your convenience, here is a small excerpt from the story (YES it exists):

Hagrid looked longingly at Dobby as he bent over the fireplace as he added more logs into the fire. He wanted to say something…

“Dobby?” he began, but he stopped. “Yes, said the elf.

Hagrid hesitated, but Dobby could read in his eyes what he desired for to say.

“Dobby loves sir, too” he said.

Hagrid wasted no time. He grabbed the little elf and tore his tea cozy off.

"Oh sir" said Dobby with a grin on his face, as Hagrid dropped his drawers and got ready to put his wand (and I don't mean his broken one ) into Dobby's naughty place.

However, there was a problem.

"Um Sir" started dobby, "I don't think I can take you, your just too big for me."

"Its ok Dobby" said Hagrid with a smile, "I have just the solution. But tel no one"

Hagrid reached over for his other wand, and said "engorgio ass hole"

Dobby was suddenly struck with the oddest feeling he had ever felt. Suddenly his love hole was massive!

Loretta read the whole thing aloud. Every word. I could have died.

QQ

So how do I feel about twincest?

I dabble in it from time to time, but Layla, the friend who started the above catastrophe, lives for it. She's the one who got me to like it, in fact.

Back in the early days of my yaoi career, my only link to the world of anime was Sue. In general it was a hobby that I kept secret from most people. Sue, however, talked to someone other than me and Margaret about that kind of thing, and that was Layla.

Oh, how I remember my insecurities! I seriously thought that she would take my place and that I would lose the only other fan of homos that I knew…

One day, after many weeks of fearing the girl, I noticed Sue and Layla talking. Oh no! She was moving into my territory. I was still thirteen, but those two had already crossed the great divide--into the land of fourteen year olds.

I felt lonely, and sneaked up behind them to listen in. Not exactly courageous, but a feat nonetheless.

"I dunno, I still think Yami with Yugi would be really nice. Isn't that your thing? Twincest?" Sue was asking, looking confused. Layla shook her head, her curly hair bouncing everywhere.

"Nah, I don't think it would work. Yugi with Seto is better, since Yugi's optimism will melt Seto's cold heart," she replied. Our eyes met.

"Oh hey, VS!" Sue said, not perturbed in the slightest that I was hiding behind a trashcan, "Come meet Layla!" I was nervous, but knew I couldn't get out of this one.

"Hi," I said, feeling small. Layla has D-cup breasts. It's very intimidating. especially to flat-chested thirteen-year-old me.

"Hello," she replied, giving me a terrific smile. I felt more at ease instantly.

"Tell her about your fic, VS," Sue urged. I gulped. The moment of truth...would I be rejected for my unorthodox choice?

"It's Yami plus Seto..." was all I managed to say. Out of sheer nervousness I'd forgotten what the plot was even about. It wasn't the same one I discussed last chapter. I actually wrote a lot of YamixSeto early on.

"Oh my god," Layla said. I winced.

"What?" Sue asked. How could she be oblivious to my suffering?

"I just had the greatest idea ever," she said. I suddenly knew what she was thinking.

"A threesome!" I cried. Layla nodded furiously, nearly whacking Sue in the face with her hair.

That day, our duo (with Margaret being a weird outlier) became a trio.

QQ

VS: I know it’s been a long time. College is harder than it looks, especially when you go to a school like mine.