MidNight's Twisted Tales: Goldilocks & The Three Bears

Once upon a time, there was an inconsiderate little girl named Goldilocks. On the day of this particular tale, Goldilocks was strolling through the woods when she chanced upon a pretty little cottage half-hidden amongst the trees.

Without even a knock, she barged right in to find 3 chairs arranged in front of 3 steaming bowls of porridge on the table. She plonked herself carelessly down on the first chair, “Too hard,” she declared of the biggest chair.

Next, she tried out the medium-sized chair. “Too soft,” she commented & moved on to the smallest chair.

“Just right!” She sighed contentedly, to nobody in particular.

“I'm hungry.” Goldilocks decided, so she dragged the little chair over to the table, in front of the biggest bowl of porridge.

The picky girl found the first bowl “too spicy” & the medium bowl “too sweet”, but once again, the last bowl was “Just right!”

She had just polished off the bowl of porridge in 3 large gulps when with a resounding “CRASH!”, the little chair gave way under her... CONSIDERABLE wright.

“Oops.” She said cheerfully, picking herself up & dusting herself off.

“I'm full. Need to sleep that off.” With that, Goldilocks disappeared into the bedroom.

“Mattress' too firm.”She decided of the largest bed.

The medium-sized bed was “too lumpy”, but the last & “littlest” bed was “Just right!”, so she settled herself in & promptly fell sound asleep.

Meanwhile, the owners of the little cottage, a family of 3 bears, had returned home.

“Someone's been sitting in MY chair & eating MY porridge.”grumbled Father Bear.

“My chair's been sat on & my porridge sampled too.”Mother Bear said unhappily.

Little Bear was crying. “My porridge's all gone AND my chair's destroyed!”

Stealthily, the 3 bears crept into their bedroom where they could hear the unladylike sounds of someone snoring. LOUDLY.

Working together with practiced ease, paw-in-paw, the 3 bears soon had Goldilocks trussed up like a turkey for slaughter.

With their prisoner firmly secured(& still snoring!), Mother Bear headed off to kitchen to prepare another pot of stew to fill their empty bellies.

“No more ingredients.”Mother Bear sighed, looking at her empty larder.

It was then that Mother Bear noticed Goldilocks, who was mightily resembling a turkey, so Mother Bear carved Goldilocks up like a leg of ham, & added her to the pot of stew.

Thus, the three Bears had meat stew for the first time in their lives. & the bears lived happily ever after, always terrorizing the surrounding countryside, searching for more meat to fill their pot of stew.