A/N- WOW! It's been such a long time since I've posted anything! I was really having trouble with this story for a while, and then I kind of forgot about it all together! Well anyways, here it is. I'm sorry about the wait if anyone was waiting?

Text Heart

The rain pattered against the pavement in quick succession. The sun remained a ghoul behind the gray clouds that covered the entire skyline. What was it about this spectacle that enthralled Nick so?

He stared out at the rain as it continually hit his bedroom window. He wished that he could be sitting outside, alone in the gray weather, if he was lucky he would die of hypothermia, or be struck by lightning.

Why was it that Nick felt the need to hate himself so much? Everyone seemed to like him, he was a fun, loving guy; but it was all an act that he’d been perfecting for years. If people knew who he really was, nobody would love him, he thought so anyway.

So often he thought of just ending everything, it would be so much easier. One slit could ensure the ending of his life, but he could never put himself through it, he didn’t have the nerve.

Nick sounded so cheerful as he texted Wes. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, he didn’t want the pain that followed infatuation. It was so tempting, however, when Marley said that they could easily date, and that Wes was a great guy.

“Me? Yeah, I’m single. Relationships aren’t really my thing, but oh well :” Nick sounded enthusiastic and happy, the act came into play.

The reflection he saw in the window made him angry. Black hair covered his eyes, but he could clearly see and feel a hot tear streaming down his cheek. Nick began to wonder where it had come from. He wondered where all the pain he shouldered came from.

He always found it strange that playing the piano could be so therapeutic. He ran downstairs in nothing but a t-shirt and briefs, the family was at mass, something that Nick refused to attend. He set his phone on the sleek black surface of the grand piano that sat at the center of the living room. He sat down on the bench, set his hands upon the black and white keys, closed his eyes, and began playing.

The tune he played was a sad one, as usual. It was slow, soft, and mellow. His fingers eased across the keys of the piano, the resulting sound was soothing and matched how Nick felt. It eased his pain. His departed Grandmother taught him the melody he often chose to play, he played it over and over again.

As he played the soothing melody for his grandmother, she slipped into slumber and at some point in her restful stage she passed into something greater. Nick always felt like that was what caused her to die, the song he played, and he was the creator; he had killed his grandmother. No one had ever heard him play that melody except for his grandmother, and he was too scared that he would kill someone else with it, therefore no one else had ever heard that melody played by him.

The color of the cell phone coordinated perfectly with the color of the piano. It vibrated, Nick could feel it as he softly struck the keys. Four times it buzzed on the surface of the piano, sending vibrations all throughout it. Nick stopped playing and reached for the phone.

“2 New Messages”, he must have let the previous vibration slip by.

The first message was Wes’ reply: “Ooh really? I’m no good at love, sadly, so I never date ANYONE!”

Hmmmmm. I thought he’d have people all over him, he seems like a nice enough guy. That, and he’s loaded...

Nick’s curiosity got the better of him, and instead of replying immediately, he went back to see who the second text was from. It was Marley, the excitement in his life, one of the few reasons he felt the need to live for; his savior.

“Hey Love, how are you?!”

Nick texted so fast, much faster than when he texted anyone else, a reply took him about five seconds: “Darling! I’m good! I’ve been needing you all weekend! And Wes has stolen you away yet again!”

Speaking of Wes, I guess I should text him back...

He opened up the text message Wes had sent. He wasn’t exactly sure how to reply, he had his fingers at the ready on the keypad, but no words came to mind. “Maybe, if you want to, you, Marley, and I can hang out sometime?”

What the hell am I doing? Nick ran a hand through his black hair, it felt gross, he thought, much too greasy, and was in dire need of a washing. He was much harder on himself than need be.

His index finger tapped against the center button that read “ok”in a continuous pattern, just like the rain drops that pounded at his bedroom window. Nick pondered whether or now he should just send this text. He bit his lower lip softly, then hit the button; “Message sent”

Marley had sent her reply as Nick had sent his to Wes, “I’m sorry! It’s just something we do every weekend! But let’s hang out tomorrow?”

Nick quickly, and without hesitation, began to text his reply. “Marley...I told Wes that we should hang out sometime: ”

Nick had been down in the living room for over ten minutes now, and finally began to realize how cold it was. His stomach was doing somersaults, his heart was pounding fast. Obsessive images began to cloud his mind, they had been for quite some time now. He imagined what things would be like, between he and Wes. He imagined what his lips felt like, he wanted to examine his eyes, he wanted to memorize every detail of his being.

Before he knew, he had his eyes closed and was thinking of where he wanted to be with Wes. At a park maybe? Perhaps he could make him fall for him by playing the piano, or maybe he’d just kill him by accident by playing that song that so reminded him of his grandmother.

The thermostat on the wall didn’t have a reading. He turned the knob, and he could immediately feel heat protrude from the base heater at his feet.

He felt so overwhelmed, but by what? He had a pretty good life, nothing extravagant, but nothing bad either. So why did he constantly feel like he was being barraged by strong feelings of sadness and anger?

He didn’t want to think about it anymore. He wished he was somebody else, someone who could be themself and be happy, someone that could meet up to someone’s standards, he wished he was more attractive. Nick didn’t want to think about it anymore, but it constantly stayed in his mind. And the thought of him and Wes ever being something acted as a reminder of what would never be, what he could never be.

Nick decided that lying down and trying to sleep would probably be his best resort. He lied right by the heater, in hopes to warm up his body. His phone vibrated on his chest, he closed his eyes and imagined himself dancing in the rain with Wes. For now, this would have to suffice.