Author’s Note: This is something I needed to get out, to put down on paper. It’s something that’s is actually happening in real life, and if my first best friend is reading this then maybe she’ll understand how I feel.

(note: may be a little confusing to readers out of the loop.)

A True Story

My best friend stands in front of me; she has no idea of the secret I’m hiding. If I told her, everything would change, and things would never go back to normal.

She’s my idol; everything I’ve ever wanted to be, wrapped up in one. She’s studious, hardworking, intelligent, funny, sarcastic…. I could go on forever. Point is, she’s my best friend and I love her.

Life continues. A few weeks pass by. Then she catches on.

Every time I brush by her, or pat her on the back for doing well, she moves away slightly. I keep on trying, thinking maybe that she did it by accident, or doesn’t realize she’s doing it. Those signals should have been my hints-I should have paid attention when I had a chance. Instead I go about the next few days with the other crowd I hang out with, thinking that maybe she needs a little time to figure things out. She goes off with one of her other friends and they spend long recesses talking about deep things.

A few day later she pulls me aside, and her other friend is there. They’ve both figured it out; I know it in the bottom of my heart. My breath comes fast, although I try to appear calm and unconcerned about what they wanted to talk about alone.

They start out slow, stumbling over words and seeming embarrassed. I try to encourage them, for I will answer if they ask, but I will not tell them of my own will.

Finally, they have their answer, and they both seem unnerved by it. Then the other friend voices the question I was hoping they wouldn’t ask, for I do not like lying.

“Do you like her??” the other friend points to my best friend. I swallow, looking down for a minute before lying through my teeth.

“No, of course not.”

After that, they grow quiet and fidget. Our little “talk” seems done with, so I head back over to my other group. A old friend of mine that hangs out with them asks where I was, and what my other friends wanted with me, but I head her off with a few mumbled answers. She accepts that I don’t want to talk, and leaves me alone.

For the next few weeks, I try to hang out with my best friend, but the other friend seems to have replaced me, and the atmosphere is tense and the silences awkward in light of my recent confession. They make it clear that I don’t belong.

So I go back to where I belong-the other group. The people there are sometimes aggravating, but I have found another best friend in my old friend there. She also has another best friend, and the three of us get along well together.

Another week or so passes. During that week, I confess to my old buddy what I confessed to the other two that unnerved them so, and she doesn’t seem surprised. She just gives me a friend-hug, and says that she’s glad we’re best friends again.

For the next few weeks, whenever I try to walk up to my first best friend and her other friend, they walk away quickly and leave me trailing behind in the dust.

I feel betrayed. I confided in them and they left me right when I needed them most.

I stop trying to bridge the distance between us, and concentrate on my schoolwork, and my writing. It is my sanctuary from the world, my writing. I promise myself that they would have to be the ones to reach out to me, not the other way around.

Less than a week later, I break my promise and start hanging out with them again. This time I move more slowly, asking them if it was all right if I did this, or that. They seemed to relax a little bit, and we were getting to the point where I was hoping we could be friends again. But then the progress stopped.

By this time, there was only really about a week left of school, and I split my time between the two groups, and while me and my old friend became closer, the other two remained just as distant. I couldn’t put my finger on why. Was it because I wasn’t good enough for them? Too overconfident, maybe, or too rude??

Whatever it was, my confidence suffered, and I relied more and more on my other group to have fun and hang out with at recess.

The time flew, and by then it was the last day of school.

We had a dance, and I enjoyed myself, but avoided the other two. At the end, our entire class was saying their goodbyes. I went to all of my group’s members, and when I was done, steeled myself for saying goodbye to the other two.

I saw her standing over by the wall. She used to be the one I looked up to, a person I could trust, and a person that cared. Now all I saw was a shell of what she once was.

I tried walking up to her to say my last goodbye, but as I looked at her face she looked straight at me. Her eyes were cold and unfeeling, and they said clearly, ‘leave me alone.’

I stopped as she turned and walked away, taking the other friend with her.