Another completely random one-shot from me. I hope this is well-liked like my others. Please read and review for me. Thank you!

Nothing Left to Lose by Kate

“They don’t love you like I do.” Theo has been in love with Dan for as long as she can remember but knows that he will never be with her because he thinks she is too young for him. But when she tries to move past him, he realizes what he might lose.

..XX..

It was a cold night; a snow would probably start to fall soon – she could smell it in the air – but going back into the warm overcrowded house was the last thing she wanted to do. She would rather freeze to death outside than ever go back in there.

Behind her, every light in the house seemed to be turned on, pouring through the windows, and she could hear the bass of the heavy dance music pounding from the stereo equipment one of the partygoers had set up in the living room. There were so many people crammed into the rooms that no one noticed when she slipped out the back door and buttoning her knee-length black hooded pea coat, Theo Winston carefully made her way down the slightly icy back porch steps in her black high-heels and towards the dock that looked out over the freezing cold Atlantic Ocean.

Her breath appeared in front of her in harsh short puffs of clouds in front of her and she was grateful that she had worn her blonde hair down that night. At least the heavy waved locks were keeping her ears warm. She tightened the purple scarf she wore around her neck and pushed her hands in her pockets. She had stupidly forgotten gloves that night. She could hear the waves crash along the rocky shore and her heels tapped on the wood as she walked down towards the end of the dock.

It was dark out and Theo was grateful for that. In the darkness, no one would know that she was crying over him. Again. She was so sick of crying over that man and yet, she never seemed to be able to help herself. She always felt like some sort of weak pathetic teenager whenever she cried over a man, over him, but he always seemed to bring this horrible side out of her without even realizing that he did.

Tonight had going to been the night for her – the night of his twenty-sixth birthday party and the night she finally, finally, was going to tell him how she felt for him. As if it wasn’t obvious already. Of course, he was a man and could never see the obvious even when it was right in front of him.

She was eighteen-years-old and had loved Dan Hanover for nearly five years when her older brother brought his friend from work around to the house one afternoon for the first time. The first time Theo saw him, she had been absolutely smitten. He wasn’t like her brother’s other friends. He didn’t treat her like some little kid who was only annoying them when she insisted on hanging out with them. Both Dan and Teddy, Theo’s older brother, had forgone college to enter the workforce right after high school and normally, after a day at the auto-garage where they were employed, they would come over so Teddy and Theo’s mother could make them dinner and they could relax a little bit before they went out to the bars.

Dan had always been so sweet to her and it was only natural that as a thirteen-year-old, she develop a crush on her brother’s very handsome and nice friend. She knew she was just a girl to him but she truly believed that one day, she would grow up and then he would fall in love with her immediately. She knew that Dan would reciprocate the feelings she had for him; the feelings that had only grown stronger as she got older.

It hadn’t happened, of course. She knew how stupid and naïve she had been by the time she was fifteen. But she continued to love him. When she turned eighteen, he had showed up to her party, kissed her cheek and had smiled that smile at her that always made her stomach quiver and tighten itself in an anxious knot. But then he had said he couldn’t stay because he was meeting up with a girl who had come to the garage that day but he hoped she would have a happy birthday. She remembered how her heart had dropped in her chest. She knew that he wouldn’t declare his undying love for her – she hadn’t been expecting that in the least – but she had at least expected him to stay longer than five minutes.

She had come to his birthday that night, two months after hers, with courage churning through her body. Tonight was the night. She was going to tell him that she loved him. She loved everything about him. His smile. His laugh. The engine oil that seemed to constantly be on his hands no matter how often he washed them. She loved his horrible taste in music since if it wasn’t a song by some rapper, odds were he probably didn’t know about it. He had the worst taste in movies but she loved that he stuck to what he liked without compromising for anyone and continued to only watch those horrible action movies with explosions and paper-thin plots. She loved the scruffiness of his cheeks since he was too lazy to shave every day and she loved his shaggy black hair, always imagining running her fingers through it and gripping the locks as he kissed her passionately.

They lived in a small town home to a large university and she loved how fiercely proud he was of being a local. She would never forget how proud he was of her and how happy he had been when she had received her acceptance letter to that university during her senior year of high school. He had grabbed her and hugged her and spun her around. He had smiled at her and told her that he always knew she could do whatever she wanted. Theo still lived at home since there was no reason for her to move into a dorm – being just a few blocks away from the campus – and he would always come by to pull her out of her bedroom when he thought she was studying too long and hard. He planned random afternoons for the two of them that Theo came to secretly cherish.

Sometimes, they would be nothing more than him driving her around aimlessly as they talked and listened to music. Sometimes, he would take her to the secluded lake surrounded by weeping willow trees that no one except the locals knew about or he would take her to Schoop’s to get a cheeseburger and strawberry milkshake. He would make her laugh with his rather corny jokes and he would always listen intently to her whenever she talked about her classes or something she had learned and found extremely interesting. He never placated her. Theo knew that when Dan asked her a question, it was because he was sincere and really wanted to hear her answer.

Dan had a habit of just getting in his car and driving; seeing where the road would go and where he would end up. When he did this, he always came back and presented her with silly little gifts he had bought at the gas station of his destination. A little purple stuffed gorilla wearing a sombrero. An old cassette tape of Allman Brothers Band songs. A small jar of honey in a jar shaped like a bee. A small piggy bank shaped like a pumpkin. Soon, Theo had a shelf in her bedroom just dedicated to the gifts Dan had bought for her and she loved them all.

She knew it was time she tell him how she felt for him but when she walked into his small house, instantly swallowed by the thick crowd of people already in attendance, a stratosphere of smoke hanging above their heads and a slick coating of spilt beer on the floor, Theo knew it was hopeless. She looked towards the stairs that led up to his bedroom on the second floor and Dan was holding a young woman’s hand, pulling her up the stairs and standing at the bottom looking up, tears in her eyes, Theo watched as Dan kissed the woman before taking her into his bedroom and closing the door behind him.

Theo felt her heart shatter in her chest. She was so hurt by him that she had to get out of there as quickly as possible. She didn’t understand how he could make her feel so strongly towards him and yet, he could feel nothing for her. What was wrong with her? They spent so much time together that there were fleeting moments that Theo had almost let herself think that perhaps Dan loved her too. Why couldn’t he love her? Was she really that ugly? That young? That girl doomed to always be a friend? She wanted him. She wanted to hug him and kiss him and be in love with him out in the open, with his knowledge of her feelings.

She couldn’t have that though. As Theo stood out on the dock, staring out over the ocean, she knew she would never have that. Not with him anyway. To Dan, Theo would probably always be that scrawny little thirteen-year-old girl, the little sister of his best friend. She would never be anything more to him and her heart twisted painfully in her chest as she seemed to finally be admitting that to herself.

Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks but she didn’t wipe them away. The night was so cold, she could almost feel them freezing on her skin. She loved him so much and yet, he was upstairs with another woman, touching her, kissing her, loving her. Theo would have given anything to be that woman at the moment.

Perhaps the age thing was what bothered him the most about her but eight years wasn’t that great of a difference. Her own mother was twelve years younger than her father and yet, they had never had a problem between them. Theo was eighteen. She was legal. Dan wouldn’t be doing anything wrong if he was with her. He was always telling her how so much more mature she was than him. He said she was the oldest eighteen-year-old he had ever met, which she took to be as a compliment when he said it for she had interpreted it as him saying that she wasn’t a little kid.

She couldn’t do this anymore. She hated crying, hated feeling her chest seize up as if she was having someone place stones on top of her – pressing down on her – and she hated all of her insides turning to lead and dropping down to her feet as she waited day after day for a man that was never going to come.

There was a nice boy in her Russian Literature course that was interested in her. He had even asked her out a few times but she had always politely declined in respect to Dan but now, maybe it would be for the best if she accepted his invitation. It was time she move on. Nothing was ever going to happen between her and Dan. He had made sure of it that night. He had personally invited her, pleading with her to come tonight. But why? So she could be a witness to his latest sexual conquest?

“Theo!”

Her body instantly stiffened and she quickly wiped at her cheeks. She was not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he could get such emotions out of her. She didn’t turn around either but she could hear his steady footsteps as he jogged down the dock towards her. She should have left completely when she had the chance instead of going towards the water. It didn’t matter that she had lived in the coastal town all of her life and had had the ocean always near her. Whenever Theo needed to relax or think of something, she went to the water to do so. Dan knew that about her too. Apparently, finding her had been an easy task.

“Hey,” he greeted breathlessly and she finally turned slowly to look at him. His smile instantly faded upon seeing the great sadness in those large watery-blue eyes of hers. He loved her eyes and found himself quite content to just stare into them for hours. Normally, they sparkled with a joy that Dan himself felt he had never experienced but now, the look Dan saw, he didn’t like it one bit. “What is it?” He asked, reaching out and taking her small hand into his large one. He frowned when she instantly slid it away from his grasp and returned both of her hands to her coat pockets. “Theo?”

Theo stared up at him. His dark shaggy hair was getting tousled in the wind and he wore blue jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt, having run outside too quickly to remember to put on a coat. Damn him for being so handsome, she thought to herself.

“I’m going to go home,” she told him softly, amazed with herself for still having the strength to look him in the eye.

She had to tilt her head up to look at him though. He had always been so much taller than her but there had been a time when that worked for them. He would sling his arm around her shoulders and she would perfectly mold into his side. When he hugged her, she had been able to nestle her body against his chest, forming to his body, and he could rest his chin comfortably on top of her head. Now though, looking up at him, he seemed almost too tall.

“Why? You just got here,” he said, taking a step towards her but she instantly countered it with one of her own backwards, maintaining the space between them. His frown deepened.

“How would you know? You’ve been otherwise occupied since my arrival,” Theo said softly, glancing up at the house before turning her head towards the ocean again.

Dan felt his insides freeze. Oh fuck. She had seen. She had seen him with that girl. She wasn’t supposed to see that. Or maybe if she had stuck around a minute longer, Theo would have seen Dan leave his bedroom but a minute later once he realized what a mistake he was about to make. Dan didn’t want that girl lying on his bed, ready and willing to give him a naked birthday present, and he didn’t want any other girl at the party that night.

The girl he wanted, the girl he had wanted since she was sixteen, couldn’t even stand to be around him at the moment it seemed.

Theo Winston, to him, was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He took the time to look at her – really look at her and take her all in. There wasn’t been a day that went by when he didn’t think about her and think of what excuse he could use to go and see her. Her hair was thick, long and blonde and he often wondered what it would feel like to have it tangled around his fingers as he kissed her. She was small and petite – almost too thin in his opinion – but her body was still the envy of every girl who stood next to her. When Theo was in the room, Dan didn’t notice anyone else but even then, he knew that she had the best body compared to any other girl present.

Theo sighed softly, chewing on her full lower lip. She still stared out at the rolls of waves crashing and she could feel Dan’s dark eyes set intently on her. She really wished he would stop staring at her like he was. She could never concentrate when he looked at her like that. She willed her eyes back to his and gasped when she realized that he had taken a step closer to her. God, she had to take a step back. She had to get away from him. His warmth, his entire being, was surrounding her like a blanket and she couldn’t let him do this to her. Not again. He didn’t have the right to do any of this to her not anymore. She was moving on. She had to move on or else, she feared that she would have nothing except a life of emptiness and heart ache.

But when he reached out and touched her face, she was absolutely lost.

Dan closed his eyes momentarily upon feeling her skin again. His thumb brushed across her cheek while his other hand swept over her jaw line and rested on the side of her neck. He heard her exhale a shaky breath and when he opened his eyes, he saw that Theo’s eyes were closed as well. He stared at her, not knowing if he would ever get a chance like this again. He could feel her slipping away from him and he couldn’t bear the thought. Theo was his. He wanted her as much now as he did when she was sixteen and he saw true beauty both inside and out. He couldn’t make a move, of course. He had been twenty-four and it would have been frowned upon. Not to mention illegal. So he loved her in silence, watching her, learning more and more about her, and spending every chance he had with her.

They were more than best friends. She meant so much to him and yet, he kept her as far away as possible. He knew he had hurt her with the other girls he slept with but he had had his reasons; reasons he would never tell Theo of. He pushed her away, held her at a distance from him while desperately wanting nothing more than to pull her close and never let go. He had known for certain when she had gotten her college acceptance letter that holding her a distance from him was the best thing. He knew she wouldn’t believe him but what he did had been for her. He didn’t want to talk about it but what he did, that had all been for Theo.

Dan Hanover may not have gone to college but he wasn’t stupid. A girl like Theo Winston went to college and would get the hell out of this small town. She would go out there and really do something with herself. She was getting a degree in library science, wanting to be a librarian someday, and since she wanted that, Dan wanted that for her too. She was brilliant, funny, beautiful. She was everything he wanted but he was stuck there, working with his head under a car’s hood every day and he knew that he would never be able to provide her with the life she truly deserved.

Fuck it, Dan though to himself and thinking of it no further, he pulled her face towards him and he met her lips with his. When she moaned softly, he considered it to be a success but his hands remained holding her head to his in case she tried to pull away. Theo’s lips didn’t move at first against his but with some coaxing, Dan felt her relax and finally, he felt the slightest pressure in return as Theo hesitantly returned the kiss. He took another step towards her, his chest whispering against hers and his hands loosened the hold on her face as he moved his mouth a bit more confidently over hers now that it felt like she wouldn’t pull away. But the instant he relaxed too much, Theo yanked her face away from his and not looking at him, she turned and began walking up towards the dock towards the house.

“Theo, wait,” Dan pleaded, grabbing her hand but she wretched it free and spun around to look at him, tears in her eyes. He hated seeing her cry. “Just… wait.”

“Why? You give me one good reason why I should wait for you any longer, Dan,” Theo demanded of him, her stomach twisting in her body as she stared at him. Her lips still burned and tingled from that kiss and she wanted another one from him but she couldn’t do this. She was moving on. She was staying strong. So why was her body humming from his touch and aching for more? “I have been waiting for you for so long now, Dan. I have watched you with all of your different girls but I kept telling myself that you would someday come to me. You would wake up and see me right there, always right there for you! But you always go with these girls who don’t know you. They don’t know you like I do. They don’t love you like I do.”

Dan froze. Love? She loved him? He stared at her. She loved him. Why would she do something so stupid? He didn’t deserve that from her. He never would. He knew that and Theo was supposed to be start so why didn’t she know that too?

He went to her, his hands sliding onto her cheeks, gripping her head and tugging it to his. She clutched the ends of her scarf in her hands as his lips met hers, kissing her with as much passion as he felt at that moment. Theo moaned, arching her back, tilting her head up so the kiss could intensify. Dan let go of her head and took her hands, guiding them onto his waist so he could press himself fully against her before grabbing her head again, tangling his fingers in her hair and Theo raised herself up on her toes, wrapping her arms around his upper torso, pressing against him. Feeling her breasts crushed against him, feeling her hips pressed to his, Dan groaned softly. God, she felt incredible against him. This night of kissing her and being able to feel her close was like a dream come true for him. And he didn’t want it to end anytime soon.

Theo didn’t seem to want it to end either for she was kissing him back with just as much fervor and passion. She scraped her fingers over his scalp and he ground his hips into hers, making both of them moan. Dan wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up, setting her down on the dock railing and stepping between her legs, his hands rubbing her thighs before moving up her sides, brushing across her breasts before reaching and cupping either side of her neck. Theo pulled her lips away from his, panting heavily, and locked eyes with Dan.

“I love you,” he whispered breathlessly.

She froze. “You love me?” She asked, stunned. Her heart pounded in her chest as she stared at him.

“How can I not? Theo…” he trailed off, scratching a hand through his hair nervously. This was a lot harder than what he had been anticipating. He sighed deeply. “You are… you are everything I have ever wanted, Theo. Every time I think about what my future will be like, you are right there next to me. I would do anything for you. I want… I want to be with you. I want you, Theo.” He took a step back. “And maybe I don’t deserve you. I know I don’t deserve you but I can’t help but want you so fucking much every time I see you. I want you more than anything or anyone. I love you so much… You can do so much better than me. We both know that.”

He paused and then sighed heavily. “I love you more every time I see you. Everything you do just makes me love you more. You know me? I know you too. I know you love pickles on your cheeseburgers but you always eat them individually instead of leaving them on. I know you cry every single time, without fail, when you watch It’s a Wonderful Life. I know how you prefer Jane and Bingley to Darcy and Elizabeth.” He sighed again, staring at her as her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t stand the thought of you walking away from me. I can’t lose you. I know I’m not strong enough to not have you in my life.”

Theo stared at him, knowing that she had to be dreaming. “But I saw you with that girl…”

He shook his head, going to her again, taking her hands in his, his thumbs stroking her knuckles. “Nothing happened. I actually haven’t done anything with a girl in a while. Every time I did… well, I imagined it was you.”

That made her flush but she had to keep herself from being distracted. “You left my birthday party-”

“Because I had gone there with the intention of telling you everything. I was going to tell you I love you,” he revealed to her. “But then I saw you there, smiling and laughing and talking to some of your friends, and you were wearing that silly cheap tiara in your hair-”

“That you bought for me on one of your drives,” she reminded him with a soft smile.

“And I panicked. You’re eighteen. You’re so much younger than me. And I guess… I guess I convinced myself that you needed to be with someone your own age.”

Theo couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “You’re twenty-six, Dan. You’re not exactly ancient. And I have loved you since I was thirteen. If I haven’t grown out of you yet, I don’t see it happening anytime soon.” She squeezed his hands, staring in to his eyes. “I love you,” she whispered.

Dan allowed himself to smile. A soft snow began to fall. “As corny as it sounds, that is the best birthday present I have ever gotten.” He stepped between her legs again and sliding his hands onto her cheeks, he kissed her again.