Chapter 5

I slowly lost my sanity.

Six weeks had come and gone; I counted with tick marks on the wall, etched in from my cracked and broken fingernails. Blood was no longer offered to me, and sleep would not arrive to sweep me away from my predicament. My hair was knotted, my eyes the darkest shade of maroon, and my fangs had dulled and would not retract.

Despite my physical torture, the worst of it all were the conclusions I devised. All logic had been removed from my brain, and so my mind wandered to the strangest places. There were truths that swarmed angrily in the recesses of my mind, and they were almost too horrid to bear. Perhaps it was reason that had kept me from finding these truths, but now that it had fled my mind, there was nothing stopping me from reaching them. It seemed I’d sunk so deep within myself I could reach the subconscious depths of my mind without having to sleep, and my subconscious was full of cruel conclusions that ripped my soul to pieces every time I descended into it.

This had all begun with a relationship, a simple relationship between a vampire and a human. I was looked down upon because of it, despite the fact that vampires had human slaves and human donors and human lovers all over the place. Using a human for their pleasure-a common thing among vampires-or survival was accepted, yet when I had a human lover, I was shamed because of it.

If I had become lovers with Ruthin, I wouldn’t have been shamed and exiled from my Nest. I wouldn’t have had to worry about having Derek being murdered every other night, and I wouldn’t be stuck in this hell, my life, now. And it was for this kind of reasoning I wanted to shrivel up and die.

I’d kissed Ruthin without struggle after all these years. I’d kissed Ruthin and thought nothing of it. The image of Derek hadn’t even crossed my mind, and I’d completely disregarded all the tortures he’d put me through. Because I was a vampire. Because I was a monster. I shamed my image, and the memory of Derek. I’d never deserved him.

Then I’d allowed myself to be defeated, captured, by a group of vampires I knew nothing about. And strangely, they said they kept me alive because they wanted to help me. Why would vampires want to help a vampire hunter? Had I not made my reputation, my loathing, clear? Had I been that much of a failure to Derek’s justice as well as my own strength?

Being allowed to live because of piteous vampires was one thing; wanting the main vampire and source of power and leadership to bite me and share a blood bond was another. How could I just let my emotions slip like this, all in a row? Did I care so little about Derek? I had no idea where my priorities were.

I let out a wail and gouged my skull with my nails until hot, thick blood ran through the tresses of my hair. The blood dried and clumped in knotted masses, crusted underneath my fingernails and down my cheeks. I wanted to go home. I wanted to curl up outside and lay there until the sun burned me alive.

Sobbing, I stood from the bed and collapsed, not having moved in days. Helplessly, I clawed and crawled my way toward the metal door, my screams of anguish becoming louder with each heaving breath I took.

Bolts and latches being swung open echoed in the room, and miraculously, I dragged myself upright. Sabre entered the room, his gaze hard but his face set, as though his intention was to not sympathize with my pain. Steadying myself on heavy, leaden feet, I shuffled toward him with shaking hands.

He reached out to me slowly, the understanding clear on his face. What did he understand? He knew nothing of what I went through.

In one feeble attempt, I swiped at him, but missed by far. I fell forward and spun around, but Sabre caught me in his chest. Green eyes watched blood tears pour down my face.

“You win,” I gargled.

Weak, dying, I welcomed the darkness—and the strong arms—that embraced me.

0000

“She’s dangerous, Sabre. We’re hospitalizing a killer.” Voices swirled around in the fog of my dreams.

“This has nothing to do with our safety, and everything to do with hers.”

I curled into a ball and burrowed into a soft material beneath me.

“But this issue has nothing to do with you. I understand they’re similar in looks, but they’re completely different creatures, Sabre.”

“I did not do this for personal sentiments.”

Disturbed, groggy, I shot upright and stared at the two figures that gathered at the door. Weak, I fell backward and hit my skull on the headboard, and pain needled down my spine. Through blurred vision, I watched the two vampires acknowledge each other and separate.

Once alone with the remaining vampire, he shut the door and moved toward me. He sat down next to me, his place sinking into the bed. The feeling was almost intimate, private. I tugged the sheets higher up my body, as though to cover the vulnerability of my strength compared to his.

“Are you going to kill me now?” I whispered.

“No.” He moved toward me, and I inched backward, my vision still fuzzy. His silhouette lifted his wrist to his mouth and bit into it. He held it out to me, poised it in front of my face.

I inhaled the scent with flaming nostrils. It was familiar, strong and male. Mysterious. “Sabre.” My whole body tensed. “Give me.” I locked onto his wrist hungrily, tore at his flesh like a lion would a zebra.

My eyes rolled back into my head. Succulent. Perfect. Comets of desire and strength flowed through my veins, pulsing, throbbing, my blood heat rocketing to the stars. Fire scorched my veins, expanded them, filled them with life and lust. My breath hitched, and I choked on his blood in ecstasy.

Sabre groaned, the beat of his heart driving me insane with delirium. Rivers of pleasure forced me to sink my teeth deeper into his wrist, his skin becoming clammy yet scalding at the same time. I shuddered, blood spurting down my chin and onto the bed sheets.

He tore his arm away, and I snarled at him wildly. His green eyes sparked black, and he launched himself at me, his scent heady with bloodlust. His large hand fisted into my hair and yanked my head back, bearing my neck to him. I writhed against him, my nails sinking into his back, blood rising up to trickle over my fingertips.

The flash of his canines curled over his full lips and disappeared as he bent his head toward my neck. Sabre pressed the sharp edges of his teeth against the trembling vein at my throat, licked my pounding skin with thick urgency.

“Now,” I whispered. I urged him to make me his, clutched his broad shoulders and tugged his body closer to my own. I could feel his heart sprinting wildly against his chest.

He ripped away and stood, panting harshly. The glint in his eyes mirrored the image of blood, of animalistic hunger and savagery. “Do not tempt me again. You will not enjoy the consequences.” With a brusque turn, Sabre left the room and slammed the door behind him.

Stunned, I rolled out of the blood-stained bed and stumbled to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I leaned against the dark wood. A gaunt reflection peered back at me, skeletal, frail, tortured in expression and mind. Nothing was unfamiliar in this pathetic stance. I hated it. Hated this poor excuse of a life I had.

In a daze, I walked toward the sink and gazed into the flat surface of the mirror, my face void of emotion. Purple eyes once grey stared straight through my gut, like a knife through butter. The color did not stir curiosity in me. I did not care how it happened. It wouldn’t matter in just a few moments.

With a wretched cry, I slammed my fists into the glass, shattering it into dozens of broken shards that reflected the composure of my soul. Bending down onto my hands and knees, I picked up a large, jagged shard. This would do perfectly. I stroked the edge, exulted in the simple, clear beauty of it.

The flash of light blinded me temporarily, and pain erupted from my neck as I swiped he glass across my carotid. Blood spurted from my neck in a line, splashed onto the sparkling glass on the floor. My knees gave out, and I crumpled upon the bed of salvation, the sharp pieces slicing my skin. I could feel myself kicking and jerking violently, but it did not matter. Joy, unlike any I’d recognized in a very long time, flooded my senses and prepared to take me.

The door banged open and collided with my hip, but I didn’t notice it. I could feel the expression of rapture on my face as my body began to fly, as darkness began to surround me.

A face broke through the darkness and penetrated my veil of death, and I squirmed to evade such a picture. Strong features, harsh lines upon a face stared down at me, along with a pair of green eyes. Sabre. Hatred boiled through me, seemed to give me strength and life again. Why couldn’t he let me die in piece? Sabre’s worried face flashed through my mind over and over, and I felt him lift me into a sitting position.

Darkness enveloped me, and I broke into one last triumphant grin. Too late. He was too late. I had won.