Diary of a Meth Addict

a/n: This is a project that I've been wanting to do for quite awhile, years maybe. I initially wanted it to be about a heroin addict, but I changed my mind after doing a lot of research on methamphetamine. Never done the drug, and that's kinda more the reason I wanted to write this. It's a challenge. I hope you guys like it, and if I make any mistakes referring to the drug, the culture, or anything like that, let me know. I'm open to constructive criticism.

A slow, delicate process, I think to myself, a grin escaping my lips as I tap my fingers gingerly against the syringe. Anticipation floods every ounce of me as I attempt to get rid of the air bubbles inside, while I loosen the bandana tied around my arm. I poke and prod at my now dishevled arm, finally finding a vein that looks like it could handle a point. Sliding the needle in, I lay my head back against the chair and pull the plunger, not even bothering to make sure I hit the right spot. And the second I start to worry I missed my vein, my body feels numb and I know I didn't. I don't even bother to put the point away; I'd rather sit here a few minutes and enjoy the ringing in my ears.

2 Months Earlier

Rafe

"Rafe, would ya hurry your slow ass up? Cali waits for nobody, you know?"

I look at the last remaining clothes hanging in my closet, trying to decide if I should take them with or not, ignoring Ryan's calls from downstairs. "Would you just give me a flippin' second, Jesus Ry." I finally yell out, grabbing the stupid Hawaiian shirt off the hanger and shoving it in the suitcase. Could come in handy, never know.

I jog down my staircase to meet a not so happy friend. "You, Rafael, are the slowest person I have ever met. We're goin' to freakin' California and you take your sweet time pickin' out clothes?!"

I shrug, dropping my heavy suitcase on the floor. I dig into my pockets for some gum, and throw a piece in my mouth, trying to distract myself from Ryan's melodramatic's.

It's at that time that my mother comes walking into the entry way, carrying a heavy frown. "I wish you boys would atleast stay for dinner, I'm makin' your favorite Rafe, meatloaf with garlic mashed potatoes -- "

I roll my eyes, "I know Ma, I know. But we gotta head out sooner or later, and like Ryan says,' I look at him to make sure he's listening, "the 101 will be packed if we don't take off now."

Ryan nods at my mom, and she sighs. "Your father isn't even going to be able to see ya's off."

I shift uncomfortably in my spot. "Ma, please. I'm twenty-one, you gotta start lettin' me live a little."

The look on her face tells me she's given up, and she comes to give me a hug. It's a tight one, and I feel a nagging in my heart for leaving her. But Ryan and I have wanted to see California since I could speak real words. And now that we've got the money saved up, there ain't nobody that's gonna stop us.

She pulls away finally, moving on to hug Ryan and I sigh, waving a bit before grabbing my suitcase and heading to Ryan's Mustang. She doesn't follow us, which I'm grateful for, and as I slide into the leather seat I feel much more relaxed. I zone out a little before Ryan's lanky figure appears next to me, jostling the car a bit. He turns to look at me with a crooked grin.

"Can ya believe we're finally gonna see Cali, Rafe?" He asks, while starting his car and backing it out of my rather large driveway.

I smile, keeping my eyes closed. "I just know Cali's gonna love our music, Man. We're gonna be fuckin' rockstars before we know what hit us."

I knew it was going to be a long drive from New York to California, but I hadn't anticipated it being this long. We pull into a Super 8 parking lot for probably the third time on this quest and I sigh, not looking forward to another hotel bed.

As I'm carrying my bag into the hotel lobby theres something that stops me. Or someone, rather. This innocent looking girl, couldn't be older than eighteen, with long brown hair and this slim figure that I feel myself entranced by. I must have been staring too hard, because before I know it, I feel Ryan nudging me.

"Ladies don' like it when ya stare that much, Buddy." He grins at me, walking up to the desk to check us in. And even with that I can't keep my eyes off of her. I decide that I'm going to find her later, no matter what it takes.

We walk down the long hallway to our room and I throw my suitcase on my bed, feeling exhausted. "I'm gonna take a nap, Ry. Wake me up if anything good happens."

He nods, laying down on his bed and turning the tv on. I listen for a minute with my eyes shut, something about the weather in Colorado. I hadn't realized we were that close to California. But as the weather-man babbles on, I feel sleep take me away.

"Rafe, Man, wake up you stupid git!" I feel someone poking into my back and I jerk awake, noticing the suns up.

"Jesus, you let me sleep all night?" I ask, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

Ryan rolls his eyes, "Not like I didn't try to wake your bloody ass." I smirk then. Ryan's accent is enough to make me forget how mad I am that I missed my opportunity with that mystery girl.

I climb out of bed and grab a quick shower before throwing on some jeans and a random band t-shirt, not really caring about my wardrobe. Ryan and I walk to the continental breakfast when I see her, the mystery girl. She's standing by the toaster, obviously waiting for something and I go to move when I feel myself freeze up. I'm not exactly the best at talking to girls. It's not that I'm bad looking, I just happen to be the shy type. But as luck would have it, my best friend is not.

"Oi, innit that the pretty girl you fancied last night?" He says, a little louder than necessary. He nudges me forward and I realize we're at a random hotel in the middle of Colorado and if I get rejected, It's not like I'll see her ever again. I grab some random bagel and stand behind her, acting like I'm waiting to use the toaster. She doesn't notice me at first, but when she turns to leave she stares me right in the face.

"I saw you, last night. Are you just going to look at me or are you going to say something?" Her tone is delicate, and I realize she's more than I bargined for.

I take a gulp of air, hoping it will calm my heart down. "Rafe. I'm Rafe. Hi." I get out, mentally slapping myself for saying it in such a stupid manner. But to my surprise, she smiles.

"Well Rafe, I'm Blaire. Nice to finally meet you." She says it in such a way that it seems she's been reading my mind the whole time I've been here.

Think Stupid, think. Say anything intelligent. "What brings you to this spendid Super 8, Blaire?" Spendid? When have I ever used that word?

Her lips curve a bit into a smirk. "I'm going to California. I'm an actress." She says it with such confidence that I don't have the nerve to make some rude comment about how pointless her quest really is.

"California?' I say, raising an eyebrow while smiling. 'just so happens that's where me and my buddy are headin', although, It's not for any real purpose other than to enjoy the sun for awhile, know what I mean?"

There, I think to myself, show her you have atleast an ounce of charm inside you.

She takes a small bite out of her rye toast and glances towards Ryan, who is currently stuffing sugar packets into his pockets.

"That him?" She asks, and I fight back the urge to cringe.

"Yeah, that's Ryan. He's British. Don't mind him." I say, laughing a bit.

She changes the conversation, and eventually she ends up at a small table with Ryan and I, and her friend Sarah, whose hair is so bleached that it's hard to look directly at without hurting your eyes.

"-- And then I said, 'well you bloody well find a Mustang in aqua blue before I smash your face in, you git!'" I'm currently happy Ryan is here, because no matter what he says, it's always entertaining with his accent. He's managed to keep the two girls laughing while I sat back and enjoyed it. Tag-teaming, thats what Ryan and I always did. And it works like a charm.

It's around 11 p.m. and after I threw back a few cocktails, I decided to go hit up the hot tub in the swimming area. I invited Ryan along, but he said Sarah and him were doing something. And knowing Ryan, he was gettin' laid. I got jealous for a minute of how easy it came to him, but I brushed it off. Just as I'm about to slam a shot of vodka, the brunette appears, towering over me in a pink bikini.

"Drinking alone?" She asks, quirking an eyebrow and making no move to get into the hot tub.

I down the shot, hoping more alcohol will help with this encounter. After I shake it off, I look up at her. "Not alone anymore."

She smiles, and climbs into the hot tub very slowly. As the water reaches the top of her bikini I have to look away, or I'm most certain I would spend the rest of this time very uncomfortable. She slides over next to me and stares for the longest time before saying, "What is it you two do for fun?"

I smile, nodding towards the shot glass. "That's fun enough for me." I say, hoping my speech isn't slurring.

She looks away, she looks like she's thinking. Then she glances up at me. "You wanna have more fun?" Her tongue traces her bottom teeth, her mouth open a bit and the flirtatious manner she's asking me this in makes me speechless.

"What'd you have in mind?" I croak out.

She grabs my hand, as she steps out of the hot tub and I barely have time to get up without falling down. As we're pacing the halls of the hotel, freezing our asses off, we finally reach a room. I'm assuming it's her and Sarah's room and as I watch her slide the card in the door I notice the 'do not disturb' sign up.

"Wait." I say grabbing her arm.

She glances back at me, almost annoyed. "For?" She taps a wet bare foot on the ground.

I finger the sign in my hand. "I think Ryan and Sarah are... you know, hooking up."

She rolls her eyes at this. "Don't you think we'd hear something other than the tv on the otherside?" She has a point and I relent, watching her slide the card key once again and we enter. The bitter cold air conditioning hits my wet body like knives, and I instinctly wrap my arms around myself as we walk in. Sure enough, Ryan and Sarah are just sprawled on the bed, watching tv.

Blaire looks back at me with an almost cocky smile. "Told ya so."

I don't respond and I look at Ryan, who has fresh bite marks on his neck. "Have fun tonight?" I yell to him, making my way to the other bed to sit down.

He smirks, running his hand down Sarah's back. "'Course I did, Mate. Didn' I tell ya this was gonna be a bloody fantastic trip?"

I smile my best at him, wishing I had that kinda luck with Blaire. I guess I could if I tried harder, but it's not important. Then I remember the reason we're even in here.

"I'm freezing my balls off, please enlighten me as to what's more fun than sittin' in a hot tub doin' shots?" I say, directing my comment to a now nervous looking Blaire.

She glances at me. "Give it a minute, I'm gettin' there."

I hear Sarah groan and I watch as she falls back onto the bed, covering her face with a pillow. Ryan quirks an eyebrow. "Somethin' goin' on that I missed?"

I look over at him, "Apparently Blaire has something fun to show us."

Still not satisfied, he pulls the pillow off Sarah's face and frowns. "What's your deal, you alright there love?"

Sarah sits up, watching Blaire as she digs through a bag. She ignores Ryan's question and asks Blaire, "Are you sure you wanna show them this, B? I mean, we only known 'em a day or something."

Blaire shrugs, her back to us. "They can join in or not, either way -- I'm getting spun."

I freeze. I have no idea what spun means but it sounds scary enough to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"Spun?" Ryan asks, scooting closer to the end of the bed.

Blaire makes an "aha!" noise and spins around, holding a small baggie of what looks like glass. I sigh in relief. She must collect glass or something, that makes sense, right?

"This, my friends, is a lil' somethin' we call Tina back in the midwest."

Ryan and I exchanged horribly confused looks. "Tina?" I ask, sounding just as stupid as Ryan did a second ago.

Blaire rolls her eyes. "Did you two come from the Amish community or what? Have you not heard of meth?"

I stand up, shaking my head and waving my hands like crazy. "No way, nah uh, I'm not goin' near that shit."

Ryan looks up at me, confused. "You know what it is?"

I sigh, leaning against the mini cooler. "It's like cocaine or somethin', I'm not touchin' it."

"Bollocks,' Ryan mutters, standing also, "Sorry ladies but I don't do drugs, 'specially the kind you get addicted to."

Blaire instead ignores us, taking out a strange looking pipe. I've seen various marijuana pipes and actually have nothing against smoking pot everyone once in awhile but this, this entranced me.

"What is that?" I ask, walking closer to Blaire.

"You git,' Ryan says behind me, "You touch that shite and I'm most certainly calling your parents."

I turn back to him. "Calling my parents? I'll punch your stupid face before I let you --"

"Guys,' Blaire interrupts, 'Either you two stick around for some fun, or get out. We don't need any drama."

We both sigh together and I turn to face him. "What's the harm in trying it once, you know? We are on vacation."

"It's all the rage in Cali." Sarah chimes in, smiling warmly at us.

Ryan furrows his brows in concentration. "Aye, fuck it, right? Might as well have some fun."

And thats how it started. Something so innocent. Simple curiousity. Shouda remembered the old saying, curiousity kills the cat.

Okay, that's the first chapter I guess. I'm posting it to see if anyones actually interested in it. Just a warning -- the updates may come a little slow, but it's only because I want to perfect it. Lemme know guys, I'm serious.