You know what it’s like to take the bud of a flower and squish it, so that its premature petals soggily spread like a faulty fan. I felt like that- soggy and squished.

Your fingers were inching slowly up my thigh, twirling and dancing nimbly across my goose-bumped flesh… I should have shouted STOP, but I just couldn’t bring myself to it.

I played furtively with the edge of my napkin, toying with the paper, flipping the edge- up and down- like emotions- up and down.

Up: when you were near.

Down: when he was too.

It’s not that I hate him… I actually do love him, still. It’s just he’s one and you’re two. Sorry about making you two. If I had to choose I would make you equal, but polygamy isn’t exactly applauded in this country. So I will stay the same- cowardly scared, playing with my napkin.

He was getting bolder, his full hand softly resting, not so restfully on my short skirt covered thigh. I was still acting completely unfazed, not even looking in his direction, too engrossed in my silent letter. The letter that would never be introduced to paper, or to the world.

Blue blazer and black pants entered. His hand didn’t retract; neither did his eyes predatorily watching him. In just the nick of time, actually grazing the exact second, he retreated. Blue blazer kissed my cheek, I smiled broadly. My teeth acting as my little white lies. Surely they couldn’t hurt anyone, white lies are harmless, right?

You know I hate saying I’m sorry. You knew what would happen when this started. You can’t be mad, and you know that. I think it makes you madder.

Two leaned back in his chair, watching Blue Blazer from his peripheral. I was a tense mess, cheeks flush and brows practically glued together. I was scared for Blue Blazer, and Two. Why did he have to one? And why did there have to be Two? Couldn’t they be the same?

I guess this is my fault…but it’s not my fault. You’re both amazing and you both know it. You with your quick jokes and playful eyes. Him with his forwardness and sweet demeanor. Honestly it’s insane. I hate it. Actually, I hate me. You should hate me. Me who makes you come at odd hours, for fast fix ups and dumb excuses. Me, who shoos you away at the thought of him. God, me sucks.

Blue Blazer rested his dark arm across the back of my chair. Two crossed his arms edgily. Blue Blazer kissed my cheek, Two ground his teeth- all the while with a calm and indifferent look on his angled face.

You know I’m sorry.

Sincerely, me.

I grabbed Blue Blazer’s hand, leading him, as One out of the glass doors, I couldn’t look at Two- it would give it away.

               

I don’t really know what this is… I like it but at the same time it confuses me, even though I wrote it so it shouldn’t… what do you think? Yay/nay?

Love, Gabby