Crush

It burns, but it’s cold.
I feel smothered,
But I can’t stop breathing.
I’m sick, yet I could not be more alive.
There is no other that can cause these sensations:
Call me blind but there’s no way this could happen.
I’m tired of feeling all of these feelings,
For I’m losing myself to a fool’s dreams;
a hopeless fantasy.

Something’s created,
Equal value’s destroyed:
Reason for reason for reason is not.
Bleeding on the inside,
Crying tears of crystallized self-hatred,
Begging for mercy just to find myself alone –
Hollow and heartless;
No passion’s in this bitterly selfless glory.

Life’s sweet normalities hold little meaning to me,
Until reality comes around and bites me in the ass.
Home ain’t where my heart is anymore,
For bits of me are falling apart,
Little by little; day by day.
It makes no sense; just want it to stop.
Go away, leave me alone,
Don’t come back some other day.

No, wait!
Please don’t go, please stay with me,
Stay until the end of all days.

My heart calls out,
So what do you expect me to do?
Normally I’d face it,
But this circumstance ain't normal.
You help me die,
and you don’t even know it.
I can’t possibly blame you,
But I hate you anyway.

Punch me, hit me, kick me, please;
I need the pain, need to feel human
For my nature seems not; never will.
Kiss me, tease me, hold me, please;
I need just you; need to feel wanted
For my thoughts are not; never have been.

Tortured to madness;
Let me go now!
Tortured with pleasure;
Don’t you dare leave my sight!

The lightning’s struck and I’m not getting up.
Don’t try to help me, don’t save my pride,
For I’ll simply fall even farther.
Rolling and tumbling,
Crashing and crawling on my bare knees.
It won't end;
No foothold to grasp.
Can't do this alone,
Dare not afford otherwise.

Crush, this crush,
It's crushing me.
Shouldn't be here, not at all -
Never had one before, so strong...
Too strong? Don't know...

Help me.