Chapter One

Amanda Dean looked down at the faded photograph clutched in her right hand, tears streaming down her face. She trailed the outline of her father’s face with her index finger. Why couldn’t life be like it’d been ten years ago? She wished she was six again, holding her father’s hand and smiling up at him, just as she was in this beloved picture. She spoke softly to the photograph, “Oh, Daddy, I miss you so much! I can still remember the smell of your cologne and the warmth from your hugs. I can recall the many times you’d smile down at me and say, ‘I love you, my little princess.’ I may not be small anymore, but I need my daddy in my life! I wish the three of us were a family again.”

The picture she held so dearly in her hand was comforting, but it was also bittersweet. It had been taken only a day before his death. She couldn’t help but remember her mother trying to explain to her that Daddy would no longer be around. She closed her eyes and thought back to that sadden day.

“I’m sorry, Mandy, but Daddy had to go away. He won’t be back. He’s needed somewhere else, somewhere much better than this place. He’s up in Heaven with Grammy and Papa.” And then her mother started to break down, crying uncontrollably.

“Heaven? Why now? But I’m only a kid! I need my daddy!” She wanted to scream. Instead, she just sat there on the porch, clutching her teddy bear to her heart. She so desperately wanted to cry, but somehow couldn’t. If what Mommy had said was true, then Daddy was in a better place. Maybe Grammy and Papa needed him more than she did. She vowed from that day forward that she’d be a big girl and not rely on anyone to take care of her except for her own self.

Hearing her mother’s cry was not something Amanda enjoyed listening to. Her mother’s cries got louder, so she handed the bear to her mother and said to her, “Here, Mommy, take Teddy. He always makes me feel better when I’m sad. Please don’t cry, Mommy! If Daddy’s in Heaven, then he is in a better place.”

“Oh, Mandy, it’s just so terrible! I can’t believe it’s just you and me, honey. We’ll be a family, just the two of us, forever and for always…”

Amanda opened her eyes and while wiping the tears from her face with the bottom of her t-shirt, she stood up and threw the photograph on her dresser.

Here she was sixteen and true to her word ten years ago, she’d been taking care of herself just fine. And now her mother wanted to remarry a man who felt like it was his job to take care of her mother and her. He was a controlling jerk. And a complete pervert! He’d been living with Amanda and Ms. Dean for eight months and was keeping close tabs on her whereabouts. She couldn’t go five feet from the house without having to tell him where she was going.

And then, what he’d done last night was the last straw for Amanda. It was so horrible; she had tried to erase the memory from her brain, but the horrific images seemed to be imprinted in her mind.

She started pacing. She had to get away from here. She’d tried to runaway once before, but if she tried this time she prayed she’d be successful.

A car door slammed, startling Amanda. She rushed to the window to see who was home. She was relieved to see her mother’s car parked in the driveway.

Deciding that it was time to have a talk with her mother, Amanda rushed to meet her at the door. Kevin Kirkland was a horrible man, and there was no way in Hell that he was going to step in and be her father. There wasn’t even going to be a wedding next week, not if she had anything to say about it.

A couple of minutes later Amanda was trying to tell her side of the story, but Ms. Dean didn’t want to hear it. Apparently, Kevin had already told her what supposedly happened last night. And of course, it was an entirely different story from Amanda’s.

“I don’t want to hear it, Amanda Louisa Dean. You have got to stop these lies. I know you’ve been trying to seduce Kevin. I know it was you that tempted him into your bedroom last night. Why are you trying to tear this family apart?” Ms. Dean’s words were harsh. Amanda felt her tears welling up once again that day. Why couldn’t her mother see his true colors?

“Me? I’m not the one! You can’t possible believe him! He’s the one tearing this family apart. He’s not want he seems; he’s a monster…”

Amanda watched in horror as her mother’s hand came across her face. Her mother had never struck her before. Ms. Dean’s voice was filled with rage as she cried out, “Don’t ever disrespect your stepfather!”

“He may soon be my stepfather, but I will never respect him!” Amanda cried out and rushed out of the living room, her hands covering the imprint of her own mother’s hand on her cheek.

Ms. Dean followed her daughter into her bedroom. Amanda grabbed a suitcase from underneath her bed and began to throw clothes into it.

“What are you doing?” Ms. Dean asked.

Amanda sighed and looked up at her mother. “I’m getting away from this place, that’s what I’m doing. I can’t believe you would choose to believe a man you barely know over your own flesh and blood.”

Ms. Dean put her hand on Amanda’s arm to stop her from packing. She said sadly, “And I can’t believe you don’t want to see your own mother happy.”

Amanda thought back to the many nights she laid with her mother, consoling her after her father’s death. Amanda never had time to heal from her father’s passing, because she’d been too busy helping her mother cope with his death. She’d been the grown up back then, when really all she had wanted was to be a child.

She brushed her mother’s hand from her arm and picked up her suitcase. She remembered to grab the beloved photograph of her father and tucked it into her shirt pocket. She pushed past her mother and stopped at the doorway.

Facing her, she replied, “If seeing your daughter in pain is making you happy, then no, I don’t want you to be happy. I have to put me first. I’ve been thinking of you for the last ten years; I’ve been taking care of you since Daddy died. Now it’s time for me to take care of own myself.”

Closing the door before her mother could respond was painful for Amanda. Although she called herself a mother, there was nothing motherly about the woman. Amanda knew in time she would be glad she had closed that chapter of her life.

Although Amanda had turned sixteen earlier that year, she had yet to convince her mother to buy her a car. So what was she going to do? And where was she going to go? And how? With what vehicle? She headed down the street to her girlfriend’s house, not knowing where else to go. But she also knew that’s where her mother would first look for her, and she was pretty sure that would be very soon.

“Um, Mandy, what are you doing here?” Jessica Amos asked after opening the door to find Amanda standing on her porch with a suitcase in one hand. “Don’t you remember that Ray’s here?” she whispered, nodding her head toward the living room.

Ray Dawson was Jessica’s boyfriend, who was home from college. Jessica’s family was away visiting relatives, and she had the house all to herself. And she certainly didn’t want her best friend over when she had plans on bringing her relationship with Ray to the next level.

“Shit, Jess, I had nowhere else to go.” Amanda sighed.

“Is this about Kevin?” Jessica asked, pointing to the large suitcase. “Didn’t you try to run away two months ago when Kevin grounded you for failing history? Your mom came and got you the next day and wouldn’t let you leave the house for a whole month. She’s just going to do the same thing this time.”

Amanda shook her head. “I plan on leaving town. I just need a ride to the bus station.”

Jessica groaned. “Mandy, you don’t want to do this. What about school?”

“What about it? I can get my GED later on. Besides, I get my inheritance from Daddy when I turn eighteen. I figured I could live on that for awhile.”

Although she was acting spontaneously, Amanda had thought things out. She had this plan mapped out for months, but never had the courage to act it out…not until now, not when her mother had obviously chosen Kevin’s side.

“Um, I hate to remind you Mandy; you just turned sixteen two months ago. You won’t get that money until another year and ten months.” Jessica shook her head. “I think your running away is a stupid idea.”

Amanda couldn’t believe her best friend didn’t agree with her. She knew about Kevin and was the only other person who had seen how he really was. Her friend was never really the kind of person to take action, to take risks. Jessica was just probably scared that she’d get in trouble, but Amanda really needed her help. And she told her so. “Please, Jess, all I need is a ride downtown. That’s all I’m asking for. You’re the only person I can turn to. I can’t live with that creep anymore. He almost took my virginity away from me!”

“What about money? I don’t have any to give you,” Jessica said softly. She turned back toward the living room. “Ray, I have to help Mandy for just a few minutes. I’ll be right back; no, you don’t have to go with us. Yes, I won’t be gone long.”

Amanda was so happy she threw her arms around her friend. “I don’t need your money. I have some saved up; I hope it’ll last for awhile. I’ll make it last, even if I have to starve myself. I could stand to loose a few pounds.” She let go of her friend and patted her flabby stomach.

Amanda followed Jessica out to her beat-up, purple 91 Toyota Corolla. It wasn’t pretty, but it did run and that’s all she asked for. The ride to the bus station took only ten minutes, because Jessica drove a little over the speed limit. Had she walked, it would have taken Amanda more than double the time to reach her destination.

Jessica didn’t want to say goodbye. She was certain that Amanda would soon be caught and sent back home. Amanda, however, didn’t plan on ever coming back; she was done with this town. “Bye, Jess,” she said and hugged her friend once more before getting out of the car.

“Where do you plan on going?” Jessica asked before Amanda closed the car door.

“I honestly don’t know,” Amanda said with a shrug. “Besides, if you did know where I was going, that’ll be something Mom would be get out of you. You know you can’t tell a single lie.”

Jessica smiled sadly. “You’re right. Will you call?”

Amanda shook her head. “I didn’t even take my cell phone. Calls can be traced. I’m going to withdraw all my money out of the ATM inside, because that’ll show up on my statement. I don’t want to be found.”

“Well, okay then. Take care of yourself. I’m sure I’ll see you soon.” Jessica drove off before Amanda could see the tears in her eyes.

That may be what you think, Jess, but I don’t plan on coming back…not ever. Well, maybe if Kevin was to leave town, but that’s wishful thinking. Yeah, that sure was wishful thinking. Amanda’s mom was smitten with Kevin and had chosen him over her own daughter. Yeah, it looked like she was leaving town for good.

The events that had occurred that afternoon had left Amanda feeling both physically and emotionally drained. She literally had to drag her heavy suitcase through the double doors of the bus station. She plopped her tired body into a chair near the ticket booth and looked up at the sign displaying the departure and arrival times. It was time to decide on her destination.

She had always wanted to live near a beach, and it looked like she’d finally get the chance to. A bus for Pebble Beach, South Carolina would be leaving in twenty minutes. She jumped up from the chair and headed for the ATM. She withdrew all her money and got in line at the ticket counter.

Amanda bought her ticket and headed back to her chair. Sitting in the seat next to the one Amanda’s suitcase was lying in was an older woman. She was looking at a newspaper. When Amanda took her seat, the lady looked up from the paper and said hello.

“Hi,” Amanda mumbled and turned away from the lady. There was something fairly familiar about the woman. Did she know her? She hoped not. She pretended to be focused on watching the arrival and departure times. The bus for Pebble Beach was delayed. She had nearly an hour before it would depart. She groaned inwardly.

“So, where ya headed?” the older woman asked Amanda.

Amanda wasn’t sure if she should tell the lady her destination. What if she knew her mother? And then she’d be able to tell her what bus she’d taken.

“You don’t talk much, eh?” she asked when Amanda didn’t reply. There was an awkward silence. “Do I know you? You looked oddly familiar.”

Amanda felt the same way. So she must know her. Who was she?

“Are you Louisa’s daughter?”

So she did know her mother. Just great! This would surely end her attempt at running away. She might as well head back home.

There was an announcement made for the departure of Bus 22 to Chicago.

“Well, I best be going now. You can’t be Louisa’s daughter, not with your lack of manners. Louisa would have raised a very friendly and polite daughter. Of course, I haven’t seen the two of them since Danny’s death. She may be letting her child run wild these days.”

The older woman had known her father. Amanda wanted to ask her how she knew the Dean family, but she didn’t want to sound too curious. The older woman hadn’t seen her since she was six and sounded as if she wasn’t really sure if Amanda was Louisa’s daughter, and Amanda wasn’t about to set her straight.

She watched as the woman walked off, lugging a very large suitcase. Amanda almost offered to help her with her luggage, but shrugged off the thought as she watched a younger guy, almost about Amanda’s age, join her. She watched as the two headed for the concession stand. She heard a baby crying, and she turned her attention away from them. A young mother took a seat next to Amanda, cradling a baby in her arms.

Amanda groaned inwardly. Sure, she found babies to be cute but also found them completely annoying. She mumbled a polite hello and turned away.

The mother had looked very young, around fifteen or sixteen. Amanda couldn’t imagine having a child at such a young age. She knew it was wrong of her to judge, but she couldn’t help but wonder why the girl had gotten herself in such a predicament. She almost laughed. Here she was a runaway; she was in a pretty bad predicament herself and she was judging someone else. She thought about all those Maury shows, where teenagers’ actions were blamed because of a lack of a father figure. She could definitely be a guest on one of those talk shows. A lifetime movie could even be done on her. Although she was feeling extremely upset, the events of the day had left her feeling a little crazy and out of control. She laughed hysterically as she imagined her mother and Kevin taking her to the Maury show. Amanda sobered quickly when she realized it could definitely be a possibility.

“Um, you okay?” the young mother asked softly, breaking into Amanda’s thoughts.

She blushed. She had been so lost in thought that she’d forgotten where she was. “I’m fine, thank you,” she mumbled.

“Are you sure?” the girl asked. “I mean, you looked a little distracted. Are you nervous about going on a trip by yourself?”

Amanda was fed up with strangers having the nerve to strike up a conversation with her. She just wanted to be left alone! Why did everyone have to be so…what’s the word? Nosy? Yeah, why did they feel the need to be so damn nosy?

She took her frustration out on the girl. “I think I’m doing a whole lot better than you. What are you, fifteen? And you have a baby already? Jeeze, you sure did start early.”

The girl’s eyes widen in shock at Amanda’s outburst. “This is not my child, she’s my baby sister! My mother’s in the restroom!”

Amanda felt bad, but she didn’t have the decent courtesy to apologize. Instead, she picked up her heavy suitcase and walked away from the girl and the baby.

She wondered what had happened to her. She used to be so friendly and outgoing and she was appalled at her poor behavior. She thought back to last night, back to when Kevin had his hands roaming all over her body. She shuddered. She reasoned with herself, saying she had a good enough excuse as any for such bad behavior.

She was pacing the floor of the waiting area, which wasn’t easy, considering the suitcase she was dragging behind her. She always had the need to pace when something was bothering her.

She was beginning to doubt her decision to runaway. She was doing exactly what she was pretty sure Kevin had been hoping she’d do. He’d run her out of her own home. It wasn’t fair!

Once again her thoughts were interrupted, but this time it was the announcement of her bus’s departure that brought her back to the bus station. It was the moment of truth for Amanda Dean. Would she be adventurous and get on that bus and begin a new journey, away from everyone and everything she knew? Or would she turn back now and head home, when she was so close to getting away from all the havoc of her teenage life?