Julian sat on the edge of her bed, head in her hands. “I can’t do this anymore.” she thought to herself. “It’s not as if there is much here for me anyway. No one that I care for.” She glanced around the dark blue walls and looked for some object she would miss, but couldn’t find anything that was her own. “All these things belong to the church, and no one would care if they were taken or left behind.”

The sun streamed through her window creating a shadow of the wooden crossbars on the floor. She stared at it blankly lost in her own emotions, until it was interrupted by a different shadow. She looked up and saw a cat staring at her through the window pane, curling it’s tail back and forth.

“Hello kitty,” she smiled weakly.

“Rigi.” The cat said and blinked at her. Julian narrowed her eyes at the cat. “Did he…” but before the thought finished the cat jumped down and ran away.

“F.” Julian said, forcing herself not to swear. “Talking ca--”

“Talking what’s dear?” An angelic voice said from the doorway. It was an older woman weathered with age. Long white robes adorned her tiny frame and matched her graying hair. She smiled her wrinkly smile at Julian and reached for her hand.

Julian muttered “Nothing.” As she clasped her hands behind her back and followed the woman out of her room into the large cathedral. All of it was stone and marble decorated with blue and gold banners. Julian followed silently down these halls she had long known, feeling out of place in her blue jeans.

“Is there something you wanted, Priestess?” Julian asked while in her head she responded, “Only your undying loyalty.” The priestess’s hands came together in a peaceful gesture as she stopped at a small railing facing the courtyard to look at Julian.

“Julian, I’m concerned about you.” Her cold eyes pierced Julian’s flesh as if she could peel her secrets out of her with mere sight. Julian was a stone under her gaze and turned her own to the courtyard beyond and gripped the wooden hand rail. “I think you need some help dear. The others are beginning to question your faith.”

“I have no faith.” Julian muttered her eyes clouding. Instantly, she regretted it. “Wait, no. I have faith in God but not in the people who follow him…” she began, but it was too late, it was done. The priestesses face was turning slowly red.

“How can you not have faith?!” she exclaimed angrily. “How can you not believe in the God who saved you, who brought you here? He saved you from a life of poverty, from your silly mother who couldn’t care for herself let alone you. You have lived here a long time Julian, and God has provided for you. The church has given you clothes and a place to call home.”

“God did not bring me here!” Julians voice thundered. The whole courtyard seemed to freeze as she spoke emboldened. “My mother left me here, it was not God’s doing! He did not save me, he cursed me if anything!” she spat.

“Don’t you dare take his name with this venomous tone.” The priestess interjected with her voice quick and hushed. “God didn’t curse you he gifted you. With something many people would want.”

“It is a curse and a burden.” Julian growled and turned to face her keeper glaring. “There is no God! There is only the cursed Devil!” The air around her gathered an intensive red glow as she spoke.

“A God as kind and giving as you claim would not make me watch the world go round and die and decay! Your God would save me by ending this pain. Maybe I am possessed by the Devil, and if I am let him strike me down or take me as his child!” Julians words burst out sending the red light out, engulfing the area around the railing. It cleared just enough for the priestess to watch her as she jumped the low wooden railing and ran from the church.

The priestess looked after her with sorrow in her eyes like someone who would never see someone they cared for ever again.