This. What is it? This is the absolute shittiest moment of my life. My best friends have left me, for my girlfriend. Hello? Where's their sense of loyalty? Millie and I have only been going out for about two, maybe three days. So what if that chick I hit was her mother? How was I supposed to know? This is complete shit, and they all know it. They'll all come back to me eventually. But for now, damnit, I'm bored.

-- Chapter One, The Dream --

"Please, Allie, take me now!" Anna, a large-breasted blonde moaned, and Allie knocked her onto her back, letting out a loud growl.

"I'll take you when I like, wench." He ripped her clothes off and thrust himself roughly into her. Anna let out a scream and Allie moved faster, faster and he was just on the verge of coming and--

"Allie, Shut the fuck up, man. I'm trying to sleep and have my own fantasies. It's kind of hard with you fucking moaning in the background." Blake punched the air below his mattress, and I snapped my eyes open, way faster than my mind was ready to.

"Wha...?" I said groggily, glancing at the clock. It read 3:13. Great. A whole two hours of sleep. "Thanks, Blake. Now I can't go back to sleep."

"My pleasure, Alison." Blake snickered, and I rolled off of my queen sized mattress standing at about eye-level with Blake.

You see, Blake and I have been living in this one-bedroom apartment for about five months. Both of our parents kicked us out, at about the same time. It was fantastic timing, I really needed someone to keep food on the table for me. That person was definately Blake.

The only downfall to sharing this lovely one-bedroom with my best friend-since-third-grade-Blake was that we shared one of those bunk-bed/futon things. It was a futon on the bottom and a twin-sized bed on the top. We'd flipped a coin, and I won. It was totally fair.

"Don't call me that." I snapped, flicking him in the face. Blake cursed and smacked me in the face, and I hit him back. In a blink, it was an all out war in the bathroom-sized kitchen.

My weapon? A frying pan. An anime classic, sparing the fact that I didn't pull it out of my ass.

Blake's weapon? He had the wooden spoon. I don't even know why we have one of those. Neither of us cook, and I'm almost positive no human alive could actually cook in this kitchen. I took the moment of my demise to notice that the kitchen was in terrible shape. Unknown food items everywhere. I really needed to take some time to clean up in here.

Blake flew at me, roaring, and flailed at me with the spoon. He reminded me a little bit of my mother when I was little. When you were bad, you got the spoon. No ifs, ands, or buts. And my butt hurt just thinking about it.

"Waugh!" I yelped, and held up my pan for protection. The result was a loud Bang! that I'm sure shook the walls. We'd be hearing it in the morning. Blake whipped around again and slapped the spoon against my upper back. I let out a yelp in pain, and twirled, hitting him square in the arm with my frying pan. Blake let out a cry and dropped the spoon, cradling his arm.

"Dude!" He yelled, towering over me. I shrunk in fear. Blake could, and probably would, kill me now. "I didn't hit you that hard! I can't feel my arm!" He brought down the fist of his good arm on top of my head so hard I saw spots.

"Dude!" I put my hands over my head, and the phone rang.

"Oh, shit." Blake squeaked, and I shakily reached out and grabbed the phone. It was on its third ring.

We didn't have caller ID. No, no, Blake and I were way too cheap for that. But we both knew it was going to be the landlord. And it was going to be one of the worst bitching-outs ever. I wasn't ready for this. My stomach dropped as I put the phone to my ear.

"H-Hewwo?" I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Um. Hey, Allie? Is that you? Thank god you're up. You sound rather... little." My best girlfriend, in a platonic way, Jezibel, sounded like she was supressing laughter. "Did Blake beat up wittle Awwie agaiinnn?" She cooed, and I glared at Blake.

"Jez, you scared the shit out of me, I thought it was the landlord." I exhaled, and Blake visibly relaxed.

"He broke my arm!" He yelled, and Jez laughed on the other line.

"What?" She giggled, and I told her about our little battle. "No, wait. I needed to ask you something. Is your couch open tonight? The place I was staying fell out. Actually, the guy's girlfriend came over. Can I stay at your place?" She sounded lke she was using her best, 'pretty please with my panties on top' face. I could never bring myself to deny that face.

"Sure, Jizz. Our couch is always open to you." I snickered, and Jez growled. She hated it when I called her that. With a passion. I was probably going to get hit when she got here, even.

"You shouldn't have called me that." Jez snapped, and our door swung open.