To Kai, who was lost in the one place he coudln't escape.

Shaking,

Breathing,

Humming,

Lungs fill,

In and out,

Endless thrumming,

Should it still,

Surely, I would

― Die ―

Timeless pound,

Drawn from the inferno,

My desire,

Beat-beat-beating of my ―

― Heart ―

― Never tires.

…

Am I alive?

…

Orbs seeing,

Eyes blinking,

Mouth working,

Brain thinking,

Working out the

―Chink-link-kinks―

In my system,

Ears hearing,

Empty words,

No wisdom,

…

God, I am alive?

…

Knees bending,

Legs hurting,

Keep moving,

One step at a time,

Keep walking,

Smart talking,

The moment is mine,

…

Am I dead inside?

…

Toes clenching,

Fingers squeezing,

Tears fall from the sky,

Breathe hitching,

Close pitching,

It’s the end of the line,

…

Exactly when did I die?

…

So I’ll let you,

mold me,

reshape me,

I edge out at the sides,

Some cutting,

Some snipping,

Get back into line,

Some zipping,

some folding,

Terrors of my mind,

Hate me,

Want me gone,

Irritate me,

The taste of my blood never sating,

The hunger,

and thirst,

Never quenching.

Lynch me,

bind me,

gag me,

never take the bait,

So mind-rape me,

Is there anything else?

Fuck me,

Burn me,

For Godsake, Love me,

…

As that blade passes over my wrist,

I’d laugh,

Because it's funny;

That before I’d die of blood loss,

I’ll drown in under less than two feet of water.

Because that’s how they’ll find me,

Lifeless and pale,

Water tinged red,

And my razor, my lover, my partner-in-crime,

Floating beside me.

Because those bastards lost.

Because, hell, everything is funny when you’re dead.

I Won.

There is nothing left but a shell,

Better than a never-was,

still,

Reminders of a has been,

Shadow of something I once was,

Or what I could be,

Not living for them,

Or you,

Or us,

Just. Me.