I Have Heard of It

I have heard the cliches:

Gouge out my eyes,
take away my tears,
Blindfold me,
lobotomize my Love.

Pierce my eardrums,
let me live with my vertigo.
Bind me in Red wrappings,
Mummify my Heart.

Can no longer run,
Can no longer hide,
Can no longer wish,
Hang me out to dry,
Tear my petals away,
Exile my Body. --

But the Truth stares,
and though I turn away
the Truth burns
right through to me.

For I do not lose hope,
but I see Reality.
and Expectations are opposites -
an April Fool's life.

Too tired to yearn,
too tired to glow,
It's time to tear this Dam down.
Let my waters flow deep
into some Cosmic Ocean.

Drain this liquid pain,
with its flowery infusions
and pink hallucinations.
I want to wake up,
but this dream
has turned nightmare.

I want to awaken
that Spring Ego I had preached,
but I am spent
from searching and scouring
for traces
of rose-hued fog
to lead me to that
One Human Being.

That One Human Being,
Those several,
Those Handful,
Those AnyOne.

Any One.

And if Angels were
to carve out these eyes,
I would still cry,
but then I would have
that deep, dark - true - excuse;

not to be loved.
Not to find love,
not to have League.

But most of all:
not to expect It.