Chapter 5

Bear joined me for dinner. A fancy restaurant was not something my parents trusted to take me and my friend to. Instead we ended up at some cheap hole-in-the-wall place at the near-by town-square. My parents – with as nice as they are, sometimes – asked for two different booths, but the meals on the same bill.

“You know, it’s basically the beginning of our senior year, our last year at high school, our last year where we don’t choose what school we attend. Isn’t that crazy?” I said, my eyebrows almost knitted together in a sad expression.

“Yeah…,” Bear replied looking out the window next to us. “That is crazy.” He smiled and looked over at me. “Remember how we used to say that we’d drop out of school before high school?”

“Yep,” I laughed. Bear quietly laughed with me “If only we had actually stuck to that plan. Life probably would’ve been so different.” I sighed and fiddled with the straw of my drink, waiting for his reply.

“Where do you plan to go to college?” he asked, changing the subject slightly.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably the community college or something of the sort. Where do you want to go?”

“It’d be nice to go to UCLA, but I don’t think I’ll get out of Washington. Maybe WSU.” His eyes drifted out the window again. The clouds outside looked thick and ready to pour. “Dad isn’t too pleased, somehow. Maybe he expects me to get out to UCLA.” His attention returned over to me. “Isn’t it wonderful how my dad lives his life through me?” Sarcasm bared the whole question. A snide smile grew on his lips. For Bear, it almost seemed foreign. A spiteful chuckle accompanied the smile.

Suddenly, I imagined how this could’ve triggered Bear. True, we both promised each other to stop our habits, but what if Bear accidentally slipped? It could be possible, with his dad trying to take over his life and all.

“Did you…?” I asked, although all my mind was telling me was, Don’t bring it up! Don’t ask about it! Of course I had to go against all common sense and ask anyway.

“Did I what?” Bear’s now confused eyes searched mine, as if the rest of the question lay there.

“Never mind,” I saved. I looked out the window, listening to the soft pat-pat of the rain drops of on the glass.

“No, tell me,” he pushed.

“Did you cut yourself when you’re dad told you?” I whispered, taking in consideration that my parents were in the booth behind Bear.

“No. I promised you I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t break a promise that we made,” he replied. He laughed lightly. “I would let you check for yourself, but that’d be kind of weird in the middle of this place.”

I shot my eyes to his, one of my brows raised. After a few seconds, I let it go and laughed with him.

“I never want to leave you. Promise me that we’ll always stay in contact.”

Bear laughed louder. “Heidi, it’s only September. I think we need to start worrying about that once it comes to be about April or May.” He reached across and cupped my cheek. “But don’t worry. We’ll keep in touch. Maybe we’ll even go to the same college. Maybe,” he assured me.

Bear swiftly sat up in his seat, removing his hand from my face. “But, for now, what do we want to eat?” he asked in an announcer’s voice. Or at least, what was supposed to be an announcer’s voice.

We ended up sharing a big bowl of soup (yes, soup. Not pasta, soup). Though, I’m pretty sure that Bear ate more of it. I mainly stared out the window and occasionally taking bites. Bear didn’t bother me – my face was distant like my mind.

The last conversation was during dessert. It seemed to take both us by surprise – the silence was settling nicely between us.

“Why did you want to know the color of my underwear?” I asked. Ice cream cooled the air between us. My spoon clattered as I tried to set it down on the bowl lightly.

Bear stared at me, his eyes twisted in confusion. His spoon full of ice cream paused halfway to his open mouth. Lightly, the dessert fell back to the bowl.

“When did I ask about your underwear?” he inquired.

“The other day, with that one show and it was the day I tried to get you to say that I’m beautiful.” Which was basically everyday for us, but he understood.

“Oh,” he thought. “Uh…er…Do I have to tell you?” He was pleading through his eyes and voice. He also didn’t seem too sure of himself.

“Yes, please.” I crossed my arms in a teasing way while trying to keep the atmosphere serious.

“Uh, I don’t know. Maybe because I wanted to know if we could tell each other everything,” he told me slowly. He wasn’t sure of himself, but he tried to make it look like he did.

“Are you serious?” My eyes were wide and my mouth hung slightly ajar. I let my arms drop from my chest.

Bear just nodded.

“Well, at least we know for sure that we can,” I teased him moments later. He went faintly pink, but smiled with me. “But it is weird that the same day I came up with that game to continuously play.”

CONFESSIONS

Even after I went to dinner with Bear, I still possessed an unopened e-mail from him, sent almost exactly after my parents and I dropped him off at his house.

I think my mom might want to put me in the state hospital. I hate that thought.

Quickly, I replied to that e-mail. I was almost as scared as Bear was. When his mom is thinking about doing something, it gets done. And I don’t think that her locking her own son away was any different.

But, how would she find out? I thought. And there were many ways his mom could find out. He could wear shorts by accident. He could accidentally say something suspicious about it (thus making him stupid). Or he could act stand-offish and make her use a lie detector (she’s probably the only mother in our whole state that owns one).

All were possibilities.

My computer blinked when I received another e-mail from Bear. I read through the message, just then realizing that I forgot to give Bear one of my secrets.

In the message, he gave another idea I didn’t want to consider: Bear telling his mother straight out.