Religion; Hail Mary

My mother was raised Buddhist, she abandoned practice at an early age, and by the time she moved into the city she had lost not only her religion, but her first two languages, Japanese and German. My father was raised Roman Catholic, while his parents where strictly observant to their faith, my father rebelled, and refused to take us to church. Despite my parents' indifference to my religious education, I was baptized and enrolled in the Catholic School system where I was taught to believe.

Many of my friends now do not believe me when I say that I once prayed to God; but the truth is, for the greater part of my childhood, I prayed. I would pray every morning, every day at school, after school, and at night; I believed that if I prayed long enough, if I listened to God's response, that I could be delivered into heaven like the Lord Jesus Christ. When I discovered the rosary in third grade, I prayed that everyday to.

I look back now and realize that though I prayed, I never knew God, or the teachings of God, perhaps if I had been taught those at an early age, I wouldn't have lost faith. Now, without regret, my faith has been lost.

My belief in God did reach a peak. It coincided with a significant event in my family life that I will gladly discuss later. This peak occurred in May of 2004, I was in sixth grade and just preparing to enter Junior High. There are many reasons that I left the Church behind, it wasn't as educated a reason as I now have. I didn't abandon faith in God because of the moral implications of having no free will, or the murderous inclination of religion. I didn't abandon God because of evolution or because of the hatred fanned by conformist conservatism so prominent with any church. I abandoned God simply because I could no longer feel his presence, or hear his response when I prayed. The events of the month before had left me feeling abandoned, by my family, and consequently, by God.

There are many aspects of religion I now abhor, but of all the people I learnt of for the nine years I remained in Catholic School, Mary, Mother of God, is one that will never leave my mind. Her role in the story of Christ was significant, and despite the clear sexist image of her in the Bible, I always felt a connection to her spirit. When I think of how she affected my life as a child, I realize that I admire her purity, her ability to be so innocent and worthy of God; sometimes I believe I was jealous of her faith and happiness, if I were to ever return to religion, I would return as a follower of Mary, be there such a thing.

For now, I will merely exist within the boundaries of my beliefs; Mary in all or glory, or no Mary, and just me in my insignificance. It is necessary, I suppose to outline the things that I believe, as these beliefs are a part of my ultimate truth, and therefore essential to my understanding of truth.

I believe that there is no God, that humans do not have a patent on life signed by some heavenly dictator. I do believe that there is no a divine plan, though I do believe in death. I believe that after life there is nothing, nothing to balance out the enormity and complexity of life. I believe that life is a system of organization and that our emotions and thoughts are created through a series of chemical reactions and that philosophical thought is only achieved in moments where we are not fighting to survive. I believe that there is no such thing as a natural good and natural evil, there is, however, a natural self, a self that exists at the core of existence, without which nothing could survive.

I believe in the policies of left-wing governments. I am pro-gay marriage, pro-choice, pro-woman, pro-legalization, and pro-social spending. I believe in universal health care, free education, and welfare housing. I believe that the economy should never come before the citizens.

I believe in democracy, but also in socialism; I believe that they who have many should willingly give to those who have little. I believe that true change cannot come through governmental policy, but through governmental encouragement to change human thought as a whole. I believe that entrepreneurship is essential to the progress of society, but only if it does not take away from human rights or the environment.

I believe in Western culture, not that it is superior, but that it's superiority is necessary for the survival of my beloved country. I believe that Canada has tarnished it's image, as has all members of the West; I believe that now, more than ever, Canada must establish it's own identity and that it's citizens must feel they are a part of that identity.

I believe that creationism should not be taught in our schools, that censorship should take a back hand to the development of free thought, and that instead of placing strict rules upon youth, they should be taught to make healthy decisions not just by their schools, but by their families. I believe that free speech is the only truly important part of a democratic society; I believe that the government should bow down to its people, not the other way around.

I believe that it is possible for two people to be happy together forever, though I doubt I will witness such a thing in my lifetime. I believe that all children are scarred by their parents, and that it is because of my parents I abandoned the safety and comfort of conformist thought. I believe that all children love their parents, and that all parents love their children, even if this love is not shown to each other. I believe that nothing should stop a parent from saving their child, not even God.

I believe that there is no thought too mature, too violent, too depressing. I believe that it is a good thing to not be normal, to not be like everyone else. I believe that it is important to stand up for what you believe in, that words have meaning, and actions have consequence. I believe that it should never be strange to care about the world one lives in, strange, instead, to not care at all.

I believe that Marx and Engels never wanted it to go as far as it did. I believe that when the atomic bombs were dropped, someone really thought it would make the world a better place. I believe that 9/11 was a beautiful, disgusting, justifiable, and unforgivable action. I believe that there will always be the belief that a better world can come from murder and massacre, that when people commit genocide, they feel it's the right thing to do. I believe that no one really wants to take life, that they always think they'll wake up, even if all they want is for the pain to end.

I believe that our society puts unnecessary pressure on its people. Pressure to succeed in certain areas, but to stay away from others. I believe that all women should be feminist, and that all men should appreciate the history of women. I believe, in turn, that all ethnic minorities should be proud of their heritage, and that all ethnic majorities should appreciate the pain of those ethnic minorities.

I believe that I should not be ashamed of saying what I believe. I should not be ashamed of saying I'm a feminist. I'm a liberal. I'm an atheist. I'm a nerd, a freak, a slut, a cunt, a bitch. But I'm definitely not your shawty. I'm proud and beautiful and smart and I am independent. I believe that if that scares you, you're not worth my time.

I believe that honesty is a beautiful thing our society is lacking, and I wish people were more honest to me, to everyone around us. I believe that wars should not be waged on false information, that the enemy is never truly evil. I believe that conflict is the tool of time that will shape our futures, but it is not right or justified.

I believe that our culture and our world is seriously screwed up, that one day we are going to have to take a step back and see what we have become. Violent, sexual, stereotyped, money-mongering, illiterate buffoons who use slot machines like oxygen and technology like heroin. I believe that it will never be fixed, sad, but true, I don't believe that humanity can save itself, but it can work with it's problems and focus on the positive, that it should work to change that which makes our world weaker.

I believe that every time I cry, I grow stronger. That every time I question, I grow wiser. That every time I make beauty, I grow beautiful. I believe that I can do anything, that the concept of pushing the boundaries of possibility is what drives my desire. I believe that sounds can make you see and sights can make your hear. I believe that everything is connected, and that my actions effect someone else.

I believe that today is no more important than to tomorrow, but equally as invigorating. I believe that my pursuit for happiness, love, knowledge, and understanding will never end.

It is upon these beliefs that I intend to shape my life, for now; I do not intent to actively pursue religious belief and I don't agree with the role the church plays in our lives and in the destruction of the world. I want to make a better world, and I'm enlisting the help of the only person I trust, and that is myself. God may play whatever hand he chooses, but I can't wait for God anymore, this is my time to help the world.