The Sexiest Man Alive

So I met this guy at the Laundromat last night, and damn, was he sexy!

I'm talking drop-dead, film-noir,

dark-mustachioed, tilted-hat,

horseback-riding, British-accent,

six-packed, bodice-ripping,

road-weathered, glutes-rippling,

leather-wearing, eyes-smoldering,

brow-brooding, piano-playing,

hair-blowing, law-breaking,

cigarette-smoking, tight-panted,

loose-moraled, whiskey-drinking,

poetry-writing, hairy-chested,

biceps-bulging, power-walking,

glasses-peering, pecs-pumping,

shadow-sitting, classic-waltzing,

gun-toting, danger-seeking,

Shakespeare-quoting, art-appreciating,

tragic-flawed, hard-thrusting,

broad-shouldered, crime-solving,

fingerless-gloved, sword-fighting,

meat-eating, canyon-jumping,

money-making, medical-schooled,

ship-sailing, smooth-talking,

dinner-cooking, love-making,

racecar-driving, child-rearing,

chivalry-reviving, break-dancing,

back-tattooed, wit-fencing,

chainsaw-juggling, kung fu-master,

secret-agent, movie-starring,

moon-landing, Nobel-winning,

resistance-melting, heart-rending

HOT with a capital T!

Too bad he's gay.