PANIC ATTACK

Her head spins,
But it’s buried in her pillow;
Is that even possible?
Am I going crazy?
She wonders with her eyes shut
Tight against fleeting memories
That berate her inner conscience
Worse than any playground bully.

Why did you say that to your friend?
STUPID!
Should have fought for that relationship!
MORON!
Maybe that guy thought you were flirting!
IDIOT!
Why would you do that to your sister?
DUMBASS!

Breath comes fast,
Face goes numb,
Fingers clench tight,
And tears flow swift.
She can’t stop it;
She couldn’t stop it,
Even if she had the will
To make the futile effort.

Why did you go if you were going to fail?
STUPID!
You went and wasted all of that money!
MORON!
You looked retarded in that outfit!
IDIOT!
Why did you answer if you didn’t know?
DUMBASS!

She grabs a pen and paper
And tries, in sloppy letters,
To describe the way she feels;
To physically put it down.
But the words won’t come,
The rhythm’s nonexistent,
And now the paper’s wasted,
And she feels more than ever
Like a stupid, moronic, idiot dumbass.