CHAPTER TWO

Jessie slowly blinked the sleep out of her eyes. When she finally opened them, the sun nearly blinded her, it was so bright. She flinched away and then her nose caught the smell of sausage. She frowned and smelled again. She definitely smelled sausage. Then her ears picked up the sound of Benny, giggling, coming from the kitchen. Jessie sat bolt upright, then wished she hadn’t. Her head was pounding. Did she really drink that much last night? It seemed that with every storm she was drinking more and more. And how had Benny gotten into the kitchen?

She forced herself to get to her feet. Slowly, she made her way to the kitchen where her eyes fell on Matt coloring with Benny at the kitchen table. Suddenly, the night before came flooding back to her. He’d come for the phone and she’d acted like a fool in front of him. He must of thought she was a crazy lush, getting drunk and crying on him. Now he was still here.

Jessie fidgeted, while waiting for them to notice her. Finally Benny did.

“Mommy!” Benny screamed.

Matt looked up from coloring and gave Jessie a tiny smile. “Thought I’d let you get some sleep. I hope its okay I made him breakfast. Yours is on a plate over there. Just heat it up in the microwave and its good as new.”

“Thanks. You didn’t have to stay, ya know. I’m fine. I would’ve gotten up with him. I always do.” Jessie spoke low.

Matt looked at his lap before speaking, “ I wanted to stay, Jessie. If you’d have told me to leave I just would have ignored you. You needed to talk and I wanted to be here for you.”

“Oh.” Jessie muttered, beginning to heat her breakfast up, scrambled eggs with cheese and sausage links. It had been so long since someone cooked for her. It actually felt kind of nice to be semi-waited on.

After breakfast, Jessie excused herself and got dressed. She put on makeup and before leaving the bathroom took one final glance at herself. She looked 27 but felt 87.

Awhile later, she managed to put Benny down for his nap with little trouble. That left her alone with Matt.

“About last night…” She began.

“Jessie, I told you. I wanted to stay here. I understand. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” Matt cut in.

Jessie let out a nervous laugh, “But I feel like I do. It’s just that I haven’t really… talked…about it with anyone. I mean it was two years ago and we were basically all we had. So there was …no one. And when you asked and I started talking I just couldn’t stop myself from burdening you with my problems. I really didn’t mean to, it just came out of me and you were the only place that I could direct it. I’m sorry.” She stared down at her hands.

“Stop. I’ve missed you, Jessie. I wanted to be here with you last night. In fact, I lied to you last night.” Matt spoke, looking away.

Jessie took a step before asking, “Lied? About what?”

“Well, I didn’t technically lie. I just didn’t tell the whole truth. My phone’s hooked up in my house. I’d seen you go into your house a few days ago and when my heat went out I used that as an excuse to knock on your door.” He answered.

“I don’t understand. Why would you have even wanted to talk to me? It’s not like we were friends in school. If anything, we were enemies.” Jessie responded.

“Enemies? Jessie, I never did anything to you. I liked you.” He spoke quietly.

“Liked me? You sure had a funny way of showing it, what with your friends torturing me every day.” She laughed bitterly.

“Yeah, but that was them. It wasn’t me. I never teased you or anything like that.” Matt spoke quickly.

“Maybe so, but you never stopped them. I think you should leave now. I’m tired and Benny will be getting up soon.” Jessie spoke with a strained smile.

Matt looked down at his hands and Jessie saw a flash of pain in his eyes.

“But you just put him down for his nap.” Matt spoke, almost to himself.

“I think you should go.” Jessie repeated, standing up and walking to the door. Matt shook his head slightly and followed.

“Look I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you when we were kids. I was stupid and I should have done it. I apologize. But we’re adults now. Please don’t punish me for being a dumb kid.” Matt spoke, at the door.

“Thank you for your apology. Good bye, Matt.” Jessie spoke, strained smile still in place.

Matt frowned and walked out the door, Jessie closing it behind him. She leaned her body against it as soon as it was shut and sighed. Her false smile immediately dropped back into a frown.

Jessie knew that Matt really hadn’t had anything to do with her high school troubles but if she let him in now… It’d be like betraying Craig. She wasn’t supposed to be happy. Her husband was gone, for Christ’s sake. She was supposed to be alone and unhappy, that’s all there was to it.