Neverwas

And you smiled at me, sticky red and sickly sweet, and didn’t bother to let me know things were already ending, dead and burnt between us, nothing left but the scorched remains of something I’ll never have again.

It wasn’t love, never love, but it cuts like it must’ve been and I tell myself I shouldn’t care, that you’re not worth it but it’s all I can do to hold my ribs together against my insides cracking apart and dribbling all over the floor. And maybe I’m too proud and maybe you’re too much of a coward, because I still don’t know what went wrong, the exact moment you decided we weren’t worth it and retreated to wherever it is you go; it hurt when I found I couldn’t follow you there.

But I’m not allowed, after all.

I dreamed of you the other night. You were standing in the middle of the room, smile red and raw, while my hands held the shattered splinters of my chest together and I cried that it wasn’t fair –

It’s not fair that you tore away such a large chunk of my heart, when I was so utterly unable to touch yours.