Something odd is happening to me

Something odd is happening to me. I’m walking around and people are spontaneously coughing. My shoes are on – so it can’t be my feet. I’d know if I let one off, so it can’t be farts…it’s the strangest thing. Look, that man in the business suit and blue tie – he just keeled over! I hope he’s all right. Walk with me and you’ll understand. I just woke up a few hours ago – the exercise will wake me up more than the coffee. No, I don’t know where I’m going – isn’t that the strangest thing? Wherever I go, people start coughing. Look back at the man on the ground – he’s coughing up a storm. Any harder and he’ll cough up a lung! Oh no…that girl over there started coughing again – the really hot blonde. Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with everyone. Hm? No, I feel fine.

Sorry? That sound? I don’t know…seems there are flies around my shoes. No, I keep very good care of my shoes. I have odour eaters – not that I have bad foot odour anyway. I certainly can’t smell it if I do – I had an operation a while ago. Don’t remember anything of it except now food tastes more and more like cardboard. It’s lost almost all of its flavour for some reason. Eh? Yeah – I read that article about taste being connected to smell as well. Didn’t put much stock into it though. Now – why are so many people coughing up their guts around me? I don’t live in a dump or anything and I have plenty of clean clothes each day.

Socks? I have socks…Well, most of them went missing in the washing machine. Yeah, I only have these – I wash them though. Of course, where I live the water isn’t the best. Uh oh, that businessman started coughing up blood. Is there an illness going around? Everyone’s coughing really badly. Only the two of us aren’t affected. No, I don’t know why either. My God! People are starting to cough up more and more blood! I hope no lungs start coming out – that’ll ruin my day for sure. So where do you live? Oh yeah, I’ve heard of that place. Nice area…near the bush isn’t it? Yeah…a bit too green for my taste. M’self? Near the water…near that strange fenced off area. Well, I’ve heard rumours of what went down there – nothing concrete though. Might be the reason why my water smells the way it does though…what? No, just me mumbling to myself.

See? Now we’re fine. Of course I know where I am – this is the University. I have class here. Those people over there? Oh No! Thanks for alerting me! Damn, they’re on the ground already! Oh gross…no, you can’t see that. Chunky coughing is all I’ll say. Yes, I’m aware of how sick that sounds. Anyway, my feet aren’t the problem. Neither are my socks…I think. They do seem like the most likely culprit don’t they? And – well, remember the flies that were around my feet? Yeah – they’re dead…some of them are in my shoes as well. Pretty gross isn’t it? You’re fine though, right? Tell me if you feel a bit sick. OK…wait up a second will you? I need to take off my shoes. All those flies are starting to blend together, if you know what I mean. That sound? Some of the classes finished. Yeah – there’s a High School just around the corner there for all the slowpokes. Yeah – you’ll see the mass of people hurtling towards us any time now.

Yup…any time now…I don’t know either. Maybe they’re just slow. It’s 11 anyway, so they should be…wait…do you hear something? Yeah, I guess we can see what it is. I hope the people in the city are all right…you think so? Yeah – must be one hell of a nasty bug. Whoa…that’s a lot of sick people. I don’t think they can hear me over their coughing. Miss…miss, are you all right? Check for a nametag on her…ah, got it! Miss Bara…Baria…Barisik? Are you all right? What…those are my shoes – my socks? My socks smell? Is that what you’re trying to tell me? Don’t just stand there – help them…oh wait, yeah. Most of them are passed out all ready…that guy isn’t. Who’s that Miss? Miss? Damn, passed out – well, nothing I can do.

What – you have to go? OK, yeah, sorry about all this. No, I know what caused it – yeah, my socks. No, I wash my other ones but these ones are my lucky ones. Well…OK, you got me on that. I found these at the back of my closet in a lead box. Yeah – strange eh? Oh well, I’ll see you same time tomorrow? What? They’re dead? Ah crap…not again. Yeah, thanks for that – OK, I’ll see you tomorrow! Hm?

No, I’m not sure where I got the lead box either.