Feather Light

Feather Light

Michelle B.C.

Summary:

Who would have thought that my life would be exciting? All those years waiting for something interesting to happen, only to have my life fall into place for me; or so I thought. The perfect man, a solid group of friends…a dying aunt… I didn’t know what to think when I heard that Aunt Julie was sick, but it was at that moment that the life I had come to love was destroyed, only to make way for the exciting adventure I never knew I needed. Now, with new responsibilities and my Guardian Angel, Abram (yes, an angel) at my back, I never know what to think any more.

Preface:

I could feel it then, my body trembling in violent spasms that sent fire through my muscles. My teeth ringing painfully as an unknown, dangerous desire flooded me.

Was this it? Was this the pain that my Angel felt right now? The pain it took to save me?

I couldn’t dare imagine Abram fighting through this, our mental link was powerful, but I felt perhaps a tenth of the pain he did, and I was already on my knees.

Was I screaming? I couldn’t hear anything over the vicious roar in my ears. Were the veins in my body popping out where my muscles strained against my flesh? I couldn’t feel anything but the relentless, delicious and frightening fire. Was I moving? Running? Jumping? Surely I must have been, because the world around me was suddenly a blur.

Surely Fate had never predicted this…

Surely this pain meant that my Angel was fighting.

Surely…the pain suddenly vanished.

He was gone…

Chapter 1:

Breaking the Camel’s Back

My story begins quite simply, with four words…

“We need to talk.” Jacob’s voice was calm, his steely blue eyes were steady. Although, despite his comforting aura, I still felt uneasy.

I followed him away from my friends grouped together to gossip at the main gates of Jameson High and my stomach twisted in knots as we walked.

He turned his head to smile at me, and though his face showed no signs of discomfort, something about the situation made my stomach churn unpleasantly.

“What’s wrong Michelle?” his voice was easy and soft, giving me the slightest amount of comfort, “Are you alright?”

He chose an inconspicuous bench off the main walkway, facing the street.

As an act of anxiety I began to count the cars as they swept by.

“Michelle?”

I jumped, “Oh, yea. I’m fine,” the airy tone to my voice betrayed me, “What did you want to talk about?”

He flashed another smile.

“Well, we’ve been together for a long time now, right?”

Oh God…

“Almost a year now…and it’s great that we never fight or argue, you know, we’re more mature than most couples I think. A year for us doesn’t seem like a long time, because, let’s face it, we’re absolutely perfect for each other, right? We see eye-to-eye…”

He raised his hand to stop me there, the smile gone from his face, “Michelle, you’re babbling.”

Oh right…I do that when I get nervous.

He shook his head wearily and his bleach blonde hair shook from side to side. I watched his eyes, searching their depths for some desperate hope that this wouldn’t turn out painfully.

I turned back to the cars…

…3…4…5…

He took a deep breath, “Well, I know we’ve had a lot of fun together,” he paused, “May I see your phone?”

…6…

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell. He took it with gentle hands…

“You know I love you right?”

Love, not loved, love.

For a moment I was puzzled; I watched him toy with my phone like he had done a hundred times before, “I…I guess…”

…7…8…9…10, oh! A corvette!

Wait, this was no time for fancy cars!

“Well, I have good news and bad news.” His eyes suddenly lit up with joy, easing some of the tension in my worrying heart, “I got accepted to Harvard!”

Just as suddenly as I had been feeling that sparkle of hope from his promise for good news, my world buckled on itself. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest now, my ears roared for a second. Oh God, let that be the bad news…

His eyes then flashed back to me, as if they had turned from the golden trophy he had worked so hard for, to the bronze medal he had held so many times before. They were sullen. I braced myself for the inevitable.

“I leave in two weeks.”

My world was suddenly braced upon a single beam, a hopelessly fading glimmer of light. Was that all I had? Two weeks?

Two weeks of watching him pack and prattle on about his amazing achievement?

Two weeks to wean myself from the man I had fallen so hopelessly in love with?

“Huh?” he nudged me out of my reverie and handed me back my phone.

“Michelle, I’m…I know I don’t leave for two weeks, but between packing and paperwork and family time…I think it might be best if I just said goodbye now.”

Something strange happened then, a foreign emotion.

For a moment I was positive that I would lose it right there. I braced myself for that final beam of hope to come crashing down on top of me, and for a moment…

I scrambled for a perch as I processed the words. My heartbeat exploded into a roar against my hears and a heavy fire in my lungs. Tears pressed against the back of my eyes, threatening ceaseless waves of water, and my nose stung viciously.

Then, as quickly as it all happened, that yawning chasm threatening to swallow me whole simply closed. In less than a second of time is seemed as if I were being engulfed by flames only to already be standing in the ashes of the aftermath.

I felt fine…

I looked at Jacob, expecting to feel the fire rage again, but what I saw surprised me...For the first time ever, I just saw Jacob; my heart didn’t beat awkwardly, my thoughts didn’t race around him.

In fact, I felt almost awkward at that moment.

Suddenly I stood, the action seemed to surprise us both, “Well, I’m glad you got accepted, Jacob. It’s an excellent achievement and I know you deserve it.” The cheery voice that spilled from my lips was almost wrong.

He seemed so stunned that he was simply silent.

“I uh, I hope you enjoy yourself. No hard feelings?”

He was still quiet.

Where was I getting this shocking new strength? I felt as if I were watching myself in third person; Super Michelle the incredible! Able to deal with heartbreak un-phased!

But why?

“Alright…well, I hope you have a great summer, enjoy Harvard!”

The cheery voice of Super Michelle was startling, how she turned and walked away without looking back, no hesitation in her gait. She just kept walking.

Part of me, well her, wanted to see the look on his face, but I was unable to sway the new persona to my weak bidding.

I moved swiftly through the school, opening the door and taking the halls in long strides; I didn’t even pause to say goodbye to the friends I would be leaving behind for the summer months. I just moved out the front doors and towards the parking lot, almost to a run by the time I reached my car.

Once inside, the old Michelle began to resume control of my body. That stinging returned to the back of my eyes and my nose began to burn again.

I used all of my will to hold back the waves of pain.

I ended up giving my earlier actions to the adrenaline rush I must have had and gunned my Ford out of the parking lot.

No direction, I focused my efforts on keeping myself under control for as long as possible, but I couldn’t ignore this pain forever.

Suddenly that full weight crushed me.

I cut of a Buick when I switched into the next lane and ducked into the nearest neighborhood. I barely managed to pull my key out of the ignition before I finally broke down…

Φ

Night was approaching quickly when my cell rang, breaking the painful and stifling silence.

I fumbled with numb hands, flipping it open finally, “Hello?” my voice cracked.

There was a pause on the other line, my mother’s voice whispered worriedly, “Michelle, sweetie are you alright?”

I guessed her original intent to call me was to yell at me for not coming home, but the assumption was at the very back of my mind.

No, I wasn’t alright.

I was dying and the thought was sweet.

“I…sorry mom.” My small voice was weak.

Most of the time, like any teenager, I underestimated the power of a mothers voice. She was silent for a long moment, analyzing like my mother always did. Finally, “It’s alright, nothing to be sorry about, just come home please?”

I was already starting the car, “Yea, I’m on my way.”

There was a pause, and I could hear my mother’s voice just barely over the hand she used to muffle the receiver, “…Rick, I’m not sure…”

“Mom, what are you-“

“It’s alright sweetie, don’t worry about it. You’ll be home soon?” she didn’t wait for an answer before she issued a quick goodbye and the line went dead.

Everything was quiet for a long moment.

I was in a fog the rest of the way home, my body moving on autopilot while my mind tried to recover from its traumatic shock.

Jacob had always been there for me; held my hand when he sensed any doubt or hesitation, never pressured me, delighted my day with a flashing dimpled smile. He held my heart on a string…

…didn’t he know that?

Sometimes I consider myself lucky to be a middle class American. As I navigated the maze of streets and houses that made up the small neighborhood, I couldn’t help but be glad for that again.

I didn’t want to be anywhere else at that moment.

I parked in the driveway and let the car stall a moment while I fixed myself up as best as I could.

I noted the sky, a soft and comforting golden orange as I made my way up the path to my plain white front door. I always loved this time of day, hoe the trees were like shadows against the sky and painted a timeless piece of work. I’m never really this ‘poetic,’ but it’s just so beautiful.

I still looked like hell when the front door swung in with a loud shriek from the poor framing.

My mother was waiting for me with a cup of hot coco, a butter finger bar (my favorite comfort mix) and a wild hug.

My father, Rick, stood leaned against the door at my side.

My mother released me and thrust both of the objects into my hands, shaking her head, “Sweetie, oh Michelle. What happened?” she kissed the top of my head and looked me square in the eyes.

I examined the only inherited feature I had from the woman, her spooky eyes. Naturally pale with an intimate mixture of pastel blues and green and even some yellows and grays if one looked closely enough.

Other than the eyes, I was definitely my father’s child. Built average and lean, short dusty brown hair with an all around stubborn face. Sometimes, though, I felt just that. Average…

Slowly she began to lead me away from the entry way and into the dining room, a cheery décor of yellow walls with pictures of chickens around the doors and windows. Despite the brightness of the room, everything still felt dreary.

I slowly explained everything that happened; the breakup, the strange adrenaline rush, my world collapsing. Only my mother had any sort of grasp on how much I really loved Jacob, only she saw the way I looked at him, the way I had completely become dependant upon him.

By the time I had finished, all that was left of my comfort food was a wrapper and an empty cup, but I did feel a little better.

“I know things look bleak right now, and you know we’re all here for you…” she placed a gentle hand on my knee, we both sat facing each other in the chairs.

My father came and took away the scraps, disappearing into the kitchen.

Although, it was apparent that my mother was on a different agenda, because as she continued, I felt her trying to push my issue aside.

“Your final report card shows that your efforts were…less than valiant by the end of the year.” I sighed inwardly; wasn’t she aware that we had been over this a hundred times before? “After what happened today, your father and I have made an important decision…”

I floundered for a second. He reappeared from the kitchen as I spoke, “He thinks what would be best?” my jaw clenched, and I felt that anxiety building again.

“Michelle,” my father’s voice was soft, “It’s my sister…As you know, her husband Charlie passed away last winter…”

Oh. Aunt Julie.

I had never known her all that well, I had seen her at family reunions but her face was blurry for me. Although, I did remember her husband, Charlie, he was a very nice man.

My father continued as if I hadn’t had that small revelation, “Well, she was diagnosed with cancer last week…I’m worried about her.”

“Your father and I can’t donate the time and effort she needs, what with this coming so shortly after Charlie’s passing.” My mother interjected, “We want to be there to comfort her.”

The room was stiff with silence for a long moment as this new information sunk in.

“You want me to move in with her?” my voice rattled angrily against the cheery yellow walls.

Both of my parents flinched.

“Only for a few weeks over the summer, just long enough to help her stay on her feet, this is a very difficult time for her.” My mother’s voice became pleading, “Besides, wouldn’t you like to get away for a while? This will get you out of a summer job…”

I stood up, “Why? So I can run away from my problems?” they turned their eyes away. A sudden weariness fell over me then, today had been far too long, “I’m going to bed.” I announced, and left before they could argue.

Φ

The Ress household was tense the next morning. My previous night had been an unpleasant blur of tossing and turning and moaning and crying. It seemed that the less I tried to think about him, the more I was reminded of how miserable I was becoming.

Breakfast was a large helping of pancakes served with a side of silence.

My body was numb and my mind was simply raw. I only ended up eating half of my meal before running back to my bedroom.

Around noon my mother found me huddled up in my bed.

“Get up, we’re going to go out for lunch.” She instructed. I know she was just trying to cheer me up…I didn’t care.

I wasn’t in a ‘being cheered up’ kind of mood though. “Go on without me.” I hid deeper into the confines of my messy bed.

She crossed her arms…

Twenty minutes later I was watching the scenery float by outside of her SUV on our way to lunch. I wasn’t in the mood, and sighed constantly in an effort to let her know.

She stared straight ahead, ignoring my persistent annoyances. “How about Chinese?”

I shrugged.

The silence was pierced and we both leapt up when a notable, piercing chime screamed out. It took me a second to realize that the sound was my phone.

I pulled it out and noted the alarm set to go off. I immediately went to my phone’s messages, this was an old trick of Jacob’s to leave me messages in my drafts, usually reminders…

Sure enough there was one message left:

You know I’ll always love you, and I hope you don’t ever think I’m lying when I say this. I’m sorry. Goodbye.

The message was dated yesterday…

Something inside of me snapped at that moment. I looked up to my silent mother and let out a hefty sigh, defeated.

“I’ll go…”

A/N: I hope that you guys enjoy this first chapter, it's the first thing I've dared to post in a long time. Tell me what you think, and if you have questions feel free to ask. I'm looking for any beta testers who are interested in helping me. Please note, though, that if you want to be a beta tester, that means you have a pretty big job, I'm so sick of these stupid, wimpy, cop-out betas who just drop all connection with me after a few chapters.

Betas are my editors and I rely on them to see what I can't, and to give me inspiration and confidence when I need it. I know that's not in the general job description for the site, but I'm just warning you now so you don't find out later and drop-out on me...again...So if you're interested, please just e-mail me your info and a little bit about yourself. I don't bite, I promise.

Anywho, I hope you enjoyed it, thanks so much for reading! Hope you stick around for chapter 2!