CHAPTER ONE

It didn’t hurt.

That was the first thought that had come to mind when I regained consciousness. We’d been in a terrible accident but somehow, I wasn’t in pain at all. That was strange. Maybe I was on morphine. I was probably strapped to a hospital bed, punching the morphine button repeatedly. I’ve always wanted to know how that feels. I guess I do now.

I opened my eyes to light. There was a lot of it. Bright, white, blinding light. Not that fluorescent hospital light that I’d expected but a softer, whiter light. If that makes any sense.

I stood there, I don’t know for how long, slowly turning on the spot but having nothing to gain my bearings from. It was just complete whiteness.

Strangely, it wasn’t coming from any spot in particular but emanated around me. There seemed to be no walls or boundaries in the, well, room is the closest term I have, even though here were no definite walls. When I reached out my fingers connected with nothing. Losing my balance, I lurched forward and with nothing to grasp I stumbled.

And then I felt myself falling.

x

I landed with a resounding ‘thump!’ in front of my house. I opened my eyes. None of the cars driving leisurely down my street seemed to notice that I had just fallen in the middle of the street. I shook my head. Maybe I had been daydreaming again. I’d been known to blank for periods of time, being jostled back to reality by a bump into a pole or an unsuspecting person.

I convinced myself I had been off in the clouds. A nagging little part of my mind informed me that something weird was going on.

Dusting off my backside, I walked up the pathway to my house. The door was, as always, locked. I fished in my pockets for my key but it wasn’t there. I must have dropped it somewhere- it had happened before. I tried the doorbell but it didn’t sound. That was strange. It was at least six o’clock in the afternoon, surely someone would be home by now. I pounded on the door until my fists were aching but no one came. I pressed my ear to the cold wood. Nothing. No one was home. There was something up.

My house is never empty.

Ignoring the gnawing feeling in my stomach that told me something was terribly wrong, I ran down the street to Bailey’s. The forget-me-not blue door that I’d seen almost every day of my life calmed me a little and I steadily pressed the doorbell. No sound was emitted. I frowned at it and pressed it again. Still nothing. I knocked on her door as hard as I could. No one came to open it.

My head was spinning. What was going on here? Where was everybody? Then I had a thought.

I sprinted, yes sprinted, across the road, round the corner and halfway down the street. There! Luke was sitting on the front steps of his house, staring blankly at his fingers . He was all dressed in black, which was odd because he hated black. Too emo, he always said to me.

I waltzed up to him, the sick feeling that had been building up in my stomach abating.

‘Hey there stranger. What’s up with everybody? Is there a secret town meeting that no one’s told me about?’

Luke didn’t even look up. He was twisting a silver chain around with his fingers. IT looked oddly familiar.

‘Hello?’ I sat down next to him. He didn’t turn to face me. He didn’t acknowledge me at all, just twirled the necklace some more.

‘Yo, Luke?’ I tried again. I waved by hand in front of his eyes. Still no response. ‘Are you mad at me or something?’

‘Luke?’ I said, beginning to get upset. ‘Say something!’

You know that feeling you get, when you know something awful has happened? The one where it feels like the entire bottom part of your stomach has dropped out and you’re sitting there getting chills from a non-existent breeze?

Yeah, that terrible, sick feeling? It came back with vengeance.

I was getting really frustrated now. I waved my fingers right in front of Luke’s eyes. Nothing. I swatted his head. Well, attempted to anyway. But I couldn’t.

Because my fingers went right through.

I froze, my fingers millimetres, or what should have been millimetres, away from his face. There was no way that my fingers had just gone through him.

I tried again, this time setting a hand on his slumped shoulders. My fingers connected with nothing but Luke finally reacted. He shivered, as though a cold gust of wind had just breezed past us, and buried his head in his hands.

I gaped.

What on earth was going on here?

I heard a voice behind me.

‘He won’t respond.’

I jumped up in surprise.

Whirling round, I saw a boy around my age sitting cross legged on the hood of a car. He was staring at me, lips quirked up at the sides and fingers fiddling with the strings of his green hoodie.

‘What?’ I asked dumbly.

‘He can’t see you,’ the boy repeated, unfolding his lanky limps and striding towards me.

‘Why?’ I asked, completely nonplussed.

‘Because you’re dead,’ he said simply.

I gawked. ‘No way. I cannot be dead,’

The boy gave me a sad sort of smile. ‘Look at yourself.’

I glanced down at my body. Ratty jeans. Red t-shirt. Scuffed blue chucks. Same as I always looked.

‘What about me? If I’m dead I should be transparent right?’ I argued, though a very small voice in the back of my head was slowly piecing the facts together.

‘Look harder,’ he said, rolling his eyes. I glanced down again and studied my hand. In the glow of the evening light, I could fathom a faint blue aura surrounding it. But that could be explained away by the neon lighting from the diner sign in the shop next door to Luke‘s. Even though the sign was green.

The boy tutted when I opened my mouth to explain this. ‘Just look,’ he insisted. So I looked again.

I focused more closely and gasped. I saw thousands upon thousands of glowing sparks coursing back and forth beneath my skin. It looked like neon blue fairy lights on crack. My eyes widened in shock. What the hell was going on here? I shoved my hands into my pockets.

I looked up at the boy. Instead of looking exasperated, he was giving me that sad look again. The one that made me want to punch him for looking at me like I was a lost cause.

‘Look, I don’t know what kind of sick game you’ve got going on here bucko-’

‘Jack,’ weirdo boy interrupted. I was momentarily put off my tirade.

‘What?’

‘My name. It’s Jack,’ he explained. There was a moment of silence. Jack looked at me expectantly, raising an eyebrow. I always hated how I couldn‘t do that. Jack, however, apparently could not feel the waves of dislike I sent him through my glare and was still waiting for some sort of reply.

‘What?’ I repeated.

‘Generally, that’s the part where you introduce yourself.’

I glared at him some more.

‘Your name?’ Jack prompted. For some reason, I heard my mother’s voice in my head. Remember, honey, stranger danger. Don’t talk to people you don’t know. Granted, that had been almost a decade ago after I’d struck up a conversation with a balding, moustached man outside the video store. I took another look at the boy. Seventeen or eighteen, he had curling brown hair that fell forward into very blue eyes which were full of some strange emotion. Pity maybe. I decided he probably wasn’t a serial killer/murderer or anything.

‘I’m Steph?’ I finally said. His lips quirked into another smile.

‘Are you asking me or telling me?’ he questioned and I couldn’t help but smile. My smile quickly faded as I realised I still had no idea what was going on. What was I doing anyway? I should have been inside, having dinner or at Bailey’s place or something. I should be…

It was then that I realised that I had no memory of the immediate past.

I wracked my brains. What was the last thing I remembered? What was the last thing I’d done? I’d gone to the movies on Thursday night. But it must have been at least the next night by now. Was it Friday? Glancing wildly around me for some sort of indication, I began to panic. Oh man, I couldn’t tell. What was wrong with me? No, wait. Stop. Breathe. Backtrack. Last thing I remembered was Thursday. OK, so Luke and Bailey were there. We went to the movies. What movie had we seen? I remembered meeting them in front of the cinema. And then. Then...

Nada.

My memory was a complete blank.

I couldn’t remember the previous day at all. Assuming it was Friday. But what if it wasn’t?

Deciding I was suffering from temporary amnesia or something, I tried to play along with Jack’s little joke or whatever. Maybe I could figure it out that way.

‘If I’m dead,’ I began cautiously, ‘why am I still here? Isn’t there some sort of heaven/hell thing going on? I knew they were lying to me at Sunday school. Oh my god, is this it? We spend the rest of eternity wandering round here? What a crap after life.’

Jack looked at me bemusedly. ‘No, this isn’t it. You’ve got some sort of unfinished business here that you have to fix before you can get to Heaven or Nirvana or whatever. I’m not sure about that bit yet.’

‘What?’ I was so confused by this point. This kid was so seriously whacked.

‘Unfinished business, you know? Unfulfilled dreams, enemies brought to justice, one last message for your folks? Haven’t you ever seen Ghost? Heart and Souls? Just Like Heaven?’ he said, grimacing at the last title.

‘Um, no.’ I was stating to rethink that serial killer thing by now and edged away from the crazy boy slowly.

‘I’m not dead, and you obviously need some help,’ I told him, backing away. Jack let out a frustrated sort of growl and took a step towards me. He grabbed my hand.

‘If you’re not dead, explain this,’ he said, holding my fingers right up to my eyes. When our hands connected there was something like an electric shock that fizzed between us. The little blue pulsating lights were still there, jumpier than ever and I could see that Jack‘s fingers were covered in the same blue light as mine . Almost as soon as he had taken it, he dropped my hand quickly.

Jack stalked over to Luke, who I had momentarily forgotten. Luke was still sitting desolately on his front steps, playing with the necklace that was twined around his fingers. Jack looked at me.

‘Explain why he can’t hear you, or see you,’ he said softly. I took a few steps towards the two boys. Jack’s eyes met mine again.

‘Explain why I can do this,’ he said as he curled his fingers into a fist and swung at Luke.

‘No!’ I screamed, rushing over to try and stop Jack.

But just like mine, his hand had gone right through. Luke looked up as Jack’s fingers passed through his head. For a moment, I could have sworn his eyes met mine. A second passed. A heartbeat. And then Luke’s gaze dropped back to the object in his lap. I was close enough now to see it in its entirety.

It was a thin silver chain, a pendant hung from it. The pendant was a flat silver heart, engraved with the words: Friends, Always. Love Luke and Bailey. I would know that necklace anywhere. Luke and Bailey had given it to me for my sixteenth birthday. I never took it off.

My hands immediately flew to my neck where the necklace should have been, and it was right there, sitting where it had been for the past year and a half. I tore my gaze away from Luke and looked down at my shaking hands, curled tightly around the necklace. The neon blue lights were still beating under my skin, the same rhythm as my pulse and I looked up at the silent Luke in horror.

‘No, I whispered, ‘this cannot be happening.’ I slid to my knees, my head spinning. I felt Jack sit down beside me. He reached out, as though to comfort me but dropped his hand at the last second.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered. I looked up at him through tears.

‘This can’t be real. I’m dreaming or something. This isn’t- It’s not possible,’ I choked out. I looked up into Jack’s sympathetic gaze and my resolve grew.

‘I’m not dead,’ I told him, standing. He sighed, getting up as well. ‘I’m dreaming or in a coma or something. There is absolutely no way that I’m dead,’ I told him. Jack shrugged.

‘You’ll work it out soon enough,’ Jack said, still standing in the middle of the road as I marched away.

x

I had no idea where I was going, this was a dream after all. I decided that I was hungry and wandered into the diner across the street from Luke’s.

The place was pretty empty. I’d missed the dinner rush so there was only a tired looking man sipping coffee at the far end of the counter and a couple in their early-twenties sitting half-hidden in one of the booths. I loved this place. It’s name was simply ‘Debbie’s’ and was one of those retro diners with fifties memorabilia plastered all over the walls. It had been a run-down diner in the late fifties but had been refurbished in the late nineties, though it retained some of its original features like the vinyl seats and the jukebox in the corner.

I contemplated taking a seat on a high red stool or opting for the comfy booths while I waited for Joey, one of the usual waiters, to acknowledge me. Instead, a middle aged woman I had never seen before, dressed in the old peach uniform and white apron that I had seen in the photographs, came out from the kitchen and walked past me.

‘Hey, nice costume,’ I called to her. She swivelled around. ‘Can I get a chocolate milkshake and some fries please?’ I asked. The woman looked at me as though I was crazy.

‘Were you talking to me, hun?’ she asked. I wrinkled my brow in confusion.

‘Who else?’ I answered her. She gave me a familiar look. The exact same one that Jack had given me when we had first met. It was pity.

‘Oh honey,’ she said, making her way around the counter to me. ‘Honey, hasn’t anyone told you that you’re dead?’

I looked at her and burst into tears. ‘Why do people keep saying that?’ I asked. As she came closer, I saw her name tag read Debbie and she had exactly the same blue tinge to her skin that Jack and I had. She gave me a warm hug and smoothed my hair.

‘It’s okay honey,’ she said. I sobbed harder at that.

‘How can it be okay? I don’t know what’s going on and people keep telling me I’m dead. Shouldn’t I have known it if something like that happened?’ I asked her, slightly hysterical. ‘I can’t even remember back past yesterday!’

‘We’ll just have to make you remember then,‘ Debbie said as she patted my back and released me to hop up onto a stool. I mimicked her actions, dabbing furiously at my eyes.

‘Now hun, what was the last thing you recall?’ Debbie asked.

I shut my eyes, concentrating on remembering. Before meeting Jack, before trying to talk to Luke, before the empty house.

‘Falling,’ I say, ‘and lots of white light.’

I opened my eyes to see Debbie’s sympathetic smile. ‘You have to try harder than that hun. Before the white light. You said you remembered yesterday? How bout we start from there?’

‘Um, yeah. Thursday,’ I say. ‘Okay, I was coming out of the movie and I really had to get home,’ I began, heartened by this new thought.

‘So what then?’ Debbie asked. Her voice is warm, and encouraging. She reminded me a bit of my mum. Before my thoughts could spiral in that direction, I forced myself to concentrate.

‘We had no ride. Bailey couldn’t call her brother and Luke didn’t have his car. I was worried my parents would be mad.’ I say slowly.

Debbie nods amenably, go on she gestures with her hands.

‘There was a car. A taxi? And someone named Bill. Oh! And Bailey was worried about her hair so I had to roll up my window. Luke was wearing this really awesome belt and he was holding my hand the whole time.’ I was a roll here, bouncing on my seat and excited that it was all coming back.

‘And then there was another car,’ I say, my breath catching and my brain straining to find the memories in all the black fuzz inside my head. ‘Another car that-’

The images hit me all at once. The car. The crash. The screams. The pain.

And then the white light.

I look up into Debbie’s worried eyes and before I can help myself, I burst into tears once more, finally conceding to the fact that I am dead. Darkness engulfs my vision as the memories overcome me.

Sorry for the edit. I noticed a couple of big discrepencies in tense which bothered me and a couple of typos (oh! the bane of my existence). So...thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions? I'd love to hear them :)