"And then, when he turns around, the sword shall be there at his feet."

"Bah! It lacks flair – ye got ta add flair ta these kinda things. It's tradition!"

"Everything's traditional with you."

"I'm a traditionalist, is all!"

"You're something ending in '-alist', alright..."

"What're ye sayin', sonny? I'll have ye know I have a right to be traditional! I've been around for millennia, me! Ye're hardly past one millennium! Respect yer elders!"

"Of course you're older than me, you're the god of Time – oh, hold up. Looks like another one's just checked in."

"...I'm in the right place then?"

"If, by 'the right place' you mean the home of the gods, then yes, you are."

"Oh, good. For a moment there, I thought I'd been created on the wrong Side..."

"Oh, aye? An' just who created you, then? I mean, jus' look at ye – ye're a right state!"

"It's not my fault I don't carry any consistency, grandpa. Blame the Guild of Zany Zealots!"

"Oh, so you're another one of theirs, then?"

"Yeah, and bloody awful they are, too, for zealots. They'll believe in anything, sadly enough. Why, I only came into being by way of random words etched onto several dice, which were then thrown and assembled in the order they fell."

"What's your name then, young one?"

"Uhh... Gag Monk the Unsure."

"Hmm, and what exactly are you the god of...?"

"Well, I haven't decided, have I? I only just popped into existence... here, what are you two up to, then?"

"Us? Oh, nothing really, just contemplating how to set things in motion – the very world depends on how we give the Chosen One his ancient, legendary sword with which to vanquish the darkness."

"Sounds cool – can I help?"

"Laddy, how could an unsure upstart like ye possibly help us?"

"Now, now, calm down Time. You never know, a fresh perspective could be just what we need..."

"I think I need a new hearin' trumpet, 'cause I swear I just heard you let the whelp help!"

"Ignore the old one, he's crotchety this time of day...so, Gag Monk, any ideas?"

"On how to give him the sword?"

"Indeed."

"...you could smite him in the head with it."

"You mean with the sword?"

"Yeah."

"You're suggesting that we strike our hero, in the head, with this very heavy and very, very sharp sword..."

"Uh-huh."

"That would be sure to kill him!"

"Not necessarily – if the hilt struck him, he'd just have a nasty knock."

"Aye, a 'nasty knock' that may just set him in a wee coma for the rest o' his days. And, ye know, we kinda need him tha fight the darkness right away."

"Oh...you sure he wouldn't just shrug it off? You said he was a big hero."

"Lad, there ain't a boulderbeast in tha Rocki Plains that wouldn't fall under such a blow!"

"... how about the toe? You could hit him in the toe? Can't nobody ignore a sword when it's pinning them to the ground."

"Gag Monk, are you perfectly sure you weren't meant for the Underside?"

"Why? What makes you say that?"

"Well, you seem awfully violent, and impulsive..."

"I ain't violent! Impulsive, yes – but not violent! I'll smite the first naysayer who says otherwise!"

"Very well...anyway, just so we're perfectly clear; the sword cannot pierce any part of the hero's body –"

"Not even the toes?"

"No, no toes."

"How's about the buttocks, then? Maybe it could just nick his left cheek...?"

"Absolutely not! We need this young boy in pristine condition, no part of him may be harmed!"

"Well, it ain't exactly harming the boy – more of a reason not to sit around and be lazy, is all. I'm just saying..."

"Look, never mind. Thank you for your help, Gag Monk, but I believe we have come to a decision. We'll just throw it down and embed it in that stone directly behind him. Are we agreed...?"

"Aye!"

"...Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm all for that. Just..."

"Just what?"

"Well, the stone will shatter under impact, right? And, like, you know, pelt him with debris?"

"No! No harm whatsoever! We just cast it down, it hits the rock and – shunk! Embeds itself in it just as he's turning around. No injuries to him at all. Is that quite clear?"

"As crystal – can I throw it?"

"...If you must. Here."

"Cheers... so, that rock, huh?"

"That black on, yes."

"Okay – here goes!"

"..."

"..."

"...Now, is it just me, or did that black rock just swallow the sword up?"

"It did, and that may be down, in part, to the fact that the 'rock' was in fact a well. You missed the actual rock by several yards."

"Well, there were two round black things, what was I supposed to do?!"

"Aim for the one not surrounded by a grey brick wall?"

"I thought they were there to signify its holy importance!"

"Either that, or to stop people from falling in..."

"..."

"...You don't happen to have another sword, by any chance...?"