What I’ve Done

I’m not a model son, I admit it. I’ve done thing no kids my age should have. I drink, smoke, and party late into the hours. I’ve been distant with my family. The closer they get, the father I pushed them away. I do this for….Heh, that’s funny. I can’t think of a reason I do these things. I need to change, I really do.

After a party my friends dropped me off. I was drunk and stumbling all over the place. My friends laugh, but I told them to be quiet so not to wake the folks. I stumbled inside and went to bed.

I woke up a little dazed from the night before, but I swear I see a projector in my room. Wait! There is one here. Where did it come from?

What’s this box? Home movies? A Note? “Please watch.”

I grabbed the first one on top. Put it in and watch it. Hey, it’s me when I was five, I got the toy I always wanted for Christmas. I was happy.

I continue to watch the movies and remembered the past. I played softball, Star basketball player, making model with my dad, and there’s my first crush Suzie. Hehe…I kissed her cheek and she ran to cry to her mom.

The more I watched, the happy I was, until halfway into them, I saw myself now, drinking, smoking, arguing with my parents. I saw the way I was and I didn’t like it. My family secretly recorded the life in which I lived. I saw myself acting like a fool. They even recorded last night when I came in late.

The movies were over. I put the film back in the box and sat down. I was depressed, I need a smoke. I pulled one out and was to light it, then I saw the box. I hesitated. Then I lit. I took it from my mouth and dropped 

it on the box. It caught fire. I threw my others in there and watched it burn. I put out the flame when it was ash. I walk to my bookshelf which I haven’t touch in a long time. This little black book that collect dust. I opened it for the first time in a long time. I went to my window and dropped to my knees. Then I was thinking, “Wash away, what I’ve done.”