Better Off Alive

Chap. 1

“Dead?”

The man nodded.

“I’m dead?” I squealed. I could not believe this. I succeeded then, I never thought I would actually be able to kill myself.

The man spoke, “But there’s a little something.”

He was gorgeous, an angel, for a matter of fact. He had gold hair with a little wisp of sliver in his bangs that hid half of his face. His eyes were jade and his lips perfect and wide. He had high cheekbones that had rosy flesh on top of them. And he was tall, like me.

I almost forgot what he said, “Oh! Oh, what?”

“You can’t come into Heaven.”

I knew it, “I’m damned, right?”

“No! No!” he corrected horrified. “No, Passion, you’re definitely not going down there.”

I rolled my eyes at the sound of my name. Passion, what kind of name is Passion? It’s an emotion! That’s what I get for being born in a hippie house. “So what’s the little something?” I asked getting annoyed.

He inhaled, “You can’t go into Heaven because you…” he grimaced, “Died… voluntarily…”

“You mean I can’t go to heaven because I killed myself?” I almost laughed. “So I’m a wandering spirit then?” I gave a small wince.

“Passion,” he whined when I glared at him. “It’s the rule.”

“But they’ve probably already buried me!” I screamed. “I can’t go back there, I’m dead, what’s my purpose?”

“Well,” he picked up a sheet of paper: which looked like a thin sheet of gold leaf. He examined it, then paused thinking of how to say it orally. Then his head snapped up and he spoke, “Passion, you killed yourself. Why?”

I blinked, he threw me off guard but I answered, “There’s a lot of reasons and the world didn’t really need me anyway.”

The angel smiled and said, “That’s not a reason.” Then the lovely smiled faded, that could have been a reason to commit suicide. “You must have had a reason.”

I thought that over, “Well…I, uh…”

“See?” He frowned. “You have to have a reason. You don’t have a reason.”

“And what, I have to find a reason?”

“Yes.”

“A reason why I killed myself?” I tried to get this straight.

“Yes. But Passion, one more thing, you can’t go with out a body.”

“With out a body?”

He nodded slowly.

I thought about that, “But, I’m probably already buried.” I reminded him.

He laughed. It was like a tinkling of bells or a beautiful piano piece. “Yes, yes, you are buried.”

I cocked my head sideways, “How is that going to help me, if I can’t get into my body then…do I have to get reborn?”

“Close.”

And then I fell. Through the clouds and into darkness. At one point I thought I was going to Hell but then I landed on something solid and fluffy. It was a cloud.

I was suddenly very tired so I closed my eyes. Before I fell asleep I told myself; I was better off alive.