Free Writing: Better Off Alive

Chap. 3

I paced in front of my bedroom window nervously as if waiting for my execution.

“Pumpkin?” my mother opened my bedroom door suddenly.

“Mom! Jesus!” I snapped.

“Sorry sweetie.” God, her and her stupid pet names. “But I was wondering when you were going to get to bed.”

“Late, okay?” I sighed not making eye contact with her.

“Oh, okay. Not too late.” She was taken aback. Why should she be? I’ve been acting this way for so long, get used to it Mom.

She tried to look okay with my aditude. “Goodnight.” She said. Finally, I thought. But when her eyes caught mine, guilt ran over me like a wave. No! She’s the enemy not you!

My sad mother shut the door and I tip toed quietly over to it. I placed my ear against the cold painted wood.

I heard quiet sniffing and saddened breathing from my mom. And once more part of me wanted to open the door and hug her. But the other part of me, the bad Parker Garwald, wouldn’t allow it. To her, Mom was the one who made all bad things come to me.

Most of all, forbidding Patrick Michael Welling to see me.

And that was the deal breaker right there, I was no longer friends with my mother because of that.

So I pulled back from the door slowly and bent down to the small space below the door. The shadow of her feet were there for one last minute, they moved back and forth, then they left. She was gone.

I heard her feet quickly run down the stairs, “I’m ready.” She called to my father loudly so I could hear her.

But the rest was history, because I no longer cared for ether of my parents.

Their car left the driveway and as I looked out my big bedroom window I could feel my mothers sad eyes searching for me.

As I said before, I was no longer my mother’s daughter.

Not too long after I heard the roaring sound of a motor cycle. For many people in my neighborhood it sounded rude. To me it sounded exciting.

“Patrick!” I whispered aware of the nosy neighbors next door and all around us. “Up here!”

He climbed up the side of the house and into my window, “Hey Parker, nice pajamas.”

“Hey Patrick, nice motorcycle.”

“You want to ride it?”

“Seriously?” I was myself around him. “You mean it?” Who else did I need to be?

“I asked didn’t I?” Yeah, dork wad! He asked you, now get your ass dressed!

“Yeah,” I laughed at myself, something I do all the time. “Just hold on I need to change into something more operate.”

“Well hurry up, or I’ll have to bail soon!” Quickly Parker, quickly!

After changing faster than the speed of light we used the basement window to get out of the house.

I had it all planned, a stick wedged in between the window and the frame propped open, but it still looked closed from a distance, just in case the neighbors wanted a peek.

He pulled me from the window and toward his bike. “Are you ready for this?”

“Been ready since last week.” I told him. Yeah you have! Suck on this Mom, I thought. I felt myself smile, Bad Parker and I were on the same page, and because of this Patrick and I were hitting it off.

“Wear this.” He handed a helmet to me. “I wrote your name on it.” He smiled almost goofily.

“Parker.” I read it. “Cute,” I leaned into him to give him a kiss. His arms clutched mine and I closed my eyes. I leaned back and finished off with, “I love it.”

We walked his bike a good distance away and then took off. We were headed to his brother’s friend’s college party. And college parties meant fun and college fun meant under age drinking, something I wanted to try before I turned twenty-one.

He parked his bike in the driveway of a nice looking house sloppily decorated with Christmas lights.

We got off and he took off my helmet, tangled his fingers in my hair, and bent down for another kiss.

“Patrick’s got him self a girlfriend!” a familiar voice came from the porch. Pat pulled away and tucked my hair behind my ear ignoring his older brother.

We walked up the steps and I gave Pat’s older bother a welcoming smile. “Hey there little lady, how old are you?”

“Sixteen going on seventeen.” I said in a cool voice. “The name’s Parker.”

“Hello Ms. Parker, have your self a drink.” He handed me a red plastic cup.

Pat intervened, “Tony, cool it.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head Patty, it’s only beer.” He gave a drunken weazy laugh and I couldn’t help it, I gave a disgusted sneer like my stupid mother. Ease off Parker! My bad self scolded and my expression disappeared into an easygoing laugh.

I was on a high and I wasn’t on anything! It felt great being bad, easy going Parker Garwald.

“Pat, I’m sure your bother has good intentions.” I took the cup from my date, purposefully running my fingers over his. Nice move, bad me complimented not being sarcastic.

Now drink, she hissed when I just stood there.

So I took the cup to my lips and tipped the cup, causing the liquid to pour into my mouth and down my throat. Good girl and the bad me was beginning to sound more evil.

The drink tasted sweet and acidic, like sugared tea.

Pat’s Brother, Tony, handed another red cup to his younger brother. “Drink up boy.” He said sternly like he was his father. Tony weazed out another laugh like he had said something funny.

Pat still had an aggravated look on his face, “I can’t I’m driving.”

“Fine, I’ll take her home.” He swung his arms around dunkedly, this reply caused Patrick to tense and wrap an arm around me.

“You can’t you’re drunk.”

“Dine I’ll get Candy, dad’s girlfriend, to drive you.”

“Deal.” Pat took a sip from his cup and we went to the door.

“Come on.” I smiled, “Let’s have fun.” And I took another sip of the yummy liquid.

He smiled and eased up, taking another tiny sip of his drink.

In side was a mess of lights and music, a fun and loud atmosphere.

I turned my head to look at the room. It looked just like in the movies when the college kids have a rambunctious party.

There was trash on the floor, spilt beer, cigarette butts, and a small puddle of vomit that Pat and I successfully avoided.

“I got a lot to say to you, yeah I got a lot to say…” sang Hayley Williams of Paramore.

“I know this song.” I commented, not knowing what to say.

“Get out, me too.” Patrick took a last sip of his drink then set it down on the coffee table and I did the same.

I didn’t notice that all of the cups on the table look exactly like mine but weren’t.

“I noticed your eyes are always glued to me keeping me here and it makes no sense at all.”

Pat started to dace with me in time with the music.

“I love Paramore.”

“I love you.”

I picked up a cup which I though was mine. “Mmmm, same here.” I took a drink. “This stuff is good.” The room spun a little. “Ooo.”

“Whoa there, Parker are you all right?” Pat steadied me.

“Yeah, this Coke is nice!”

“I thought you were drinking beer.” He said almost shocked.

“I’m fine!” I took a bigger sip. “Yeah!” I raised my cup over my head.

He smiled a little bit, “I want some.” He picked a cup from the table and took a drink, “Mountain Dew, yum.”

“Something’s odd about these drinks though.”

“Yeah,” Pat almost tipped over him self too and I started to giggle like crazy.

“Whatever it is it’s good.” I finished the cup.

Next thing we were on the couch laughing nonstop.

“Pat! Park!” Tony’s lazy voice shouted through the crowd.

“Hey, Parker, it’s Tony!” he snorted, “Tony, we may be tripping.” And he fell back on the couch in laughter.

Tony ran his fingers through his hair, “Jesus, I should have never let you come.”

“Tony! Tony!” an older woman’s voice shouted through the crowd. “Oh. My. God, Tony!” she whacked him upside the head with her faux pink leather purse. “Your father is going to kill you Tony.” She held her hands out for us, “Come on kids, Candy’s taking you home.”

“No, I don’t want to go home!” I screeched.

“You can stay with me.” Pat leaned against Candy, who was just as tall as Tony. He gave another weazy laugh, “I need a drink.”

“Oh no you don’t!” Candy snatched the cup from him. “And you! Tony! Shame on you! They aren’t even seniors!”

Then everything hit me, the music, the dozen drinks, Candy’s yelling and Pat’s constant tipping over, the room’s swaying…

I threw up. The experience of LSD, Parker, hopefully you didn’t over dose. And Evil Parker gave an evil laugh. Truthfully I think I should have never let her take over me.

Then I fainted.

Goodnight, Parker. Goodbye, Parker.

And I don’t remember waking up.