The light likes to dance across your face,
across your hair, like gold, like poetry;
in the silences, sometimes I
convince myself into believing
you’re an angel.
You never speak quickly enough, you
let the spaces slip into the conversation,
so I always feel like I’ve said the wrong thing.
In these silences I’m weak
and you’re perfect, a god,
one I can never touch.

I love you then.
I love you when I breathe, and when I hold my breath;
I love you with each pulse my blood takes in my veins.
I love you with each nervous beating of my heart.
I love you in darkness and in light.
I can’t breathe without you, and my blood freezes;
I want to take you in my arms
but you frown, and the silence,
the silence always holds me back.

I worry.
I worry because I’m nothing to you.
If you could see into my heart, you would laugh,
and that would be too much; that would be the death of me.
I’m a speck of dust to you,
something you can brush away,
and I can’t be used like that,
can’t be blown away with a wind.
I want to be yours.
I want you to smile at me, because I did something right.
I want you to laugh with me, and not at me.
I want you to kiss me with your eyes shut, and
I want to know it’s real.

You’re too perfect for me.
You glitter, you gleam, you’re a sun,
despite all of your painted-on grime and your darkened eyes.
I’ve never touched anything real,
I’ve not played with fire,
and you’ve battled monsters and still barely wear scars.
I can’t handle you, can’t fight this,
and I’m caught, with no solution...
if I peel away my skin
and show you my heart,
will you laugh at me?
Will you leave?
Or will you smile
and say:
I
feel
the
same

I don’t know.
I’ll hesitate
because being your shadow
is better than dreaming of you
and living only in memory.
I’m fine being second
or third or fourth or last
as long as I’m not out of the game.
Just don’t say never
or forever
because those words aren’t true.

I just wanted you to know this.
You’ll never hear me say these things out loud
but what if you read this
know
that I’ll love you
as long as the world still turns
and, darling, never say never
because that word is never true.