Terrified of What's Inside

Inspired By: The Used

He wears his heart safety pinned to his backpack, his backpack is all that he knows. Shot down by strangers who's glances can cripple the heart and devour the soul...

Life is difficult. No one can deny that fact. Even for the privileged, who've lived cushioned by money and customs of the rich, oblivious to the problems their beloved profits create, have to deal with drama and pain and heartache. But to what end? Everyone knows that pain and suffering is a part of what it is to be human. Everyone knows that emotion comes with what they are, and there is no escape from it. Except the ultimate end. To everything.

This particular tale is of a young, underprivileged man who's one goal in life was to do something good with what he had, and make other's lives, as well as his own, worth living. His optimism has spurred many of his friends to go out into the world and do things that they never thought they would be able to do, and his deep understand and devotion to them is what kept them going. He had always been the smiling face come Monday morning, rain or shine, snow or storm, and has always been looked up to by many people. He had always been the kind words people wanted and needed to hear. He had always been the pat on the back, the kiss on the cheek, the comfortable hug that made you feel like you'd actually done something right.

His name was Alex.

Now, despite all of this good fortune he passed out to other people and all of the good vibes he sent into the atmosphere, Alex had never been able to turn his optimism onto himself. Behind the scenes, away from the eyes of his friends and the people who mattered to him, he was a paranoid, hateful, frightened person, and knew that he always would be no matter what he did. He knew by the time he was seventeen that his efforts to make the world a better place were futile, and yet he also knew that if his personality changed people would notice, and find out who he really was behind his smile.

He couldn't have that. So instead he walked the streets of Milwaukee every night, alone, hands in his pockets with his school bag strapped to his back, and let the weight of the world rest on his shoulders for a few hours. He was with his thoughts always, arguing, debating, but walking the dirty, damp streets this particular night his mind was racing and filled with a thousand voices at once, all screaming what they needed to say into his ears. Alex tried to understand each one, tried to quell it's fear or extinguish it's anger as he heard them. But with each one he silenced another shoved into its place, begging to be shut up, begging to be locked away again.

The pain in his chest came then, as it always did when he felt overwhelmed, and as he staggered down the street, clutching his shirt by his heart, people stared at him, spoke of him in hushed voices and pointing fingers, until he couldn't bear it anymore and turned down a dark ally and disappeared into the shadows.

He could hear them. His friends. All of the voices were them, telling him of their troubles, their worries, their sorrows. A thousand secrets he knew and kept, a thousand lies he identified and withheld. And each one was heavy on his heart and lungs. Each one crushed him completely, cracked his bones, pierced his flesh.

The world is cruel, Alex. Can't you see that?

Earth is populated by the evil and hateful. The conceited and dishonest.

The way you go about making things better is never enough. They will never be enough.

And then he collapsed against a wall, his face twisted in horror and agony and despair. The world spun around him as he went crashing to the ground. He could feel himself breaking, feel his body give under the weight. The voices still blared, and among them the sound of his heart shattering and his bones collapsing and his skin ripping to shreds. And behind it all his screams of utter suffering. All of it resounded for hours and hours and hours of pain and misery and heartache. It was all he knew. It was all he ever knew, he realized in his last moments.

And then the ultimate end brought the silence he'd always longed for.