Entry 3: Public Bashing

I get into fights with people easily. I am bossy, and I like having control. When people don't let me control them, I get really pissed. When people talk shit or try to make fun of me, I get real pissed. When people think it's funny to talk about me behind my back, I get pissed. When people give up on me. Pissed doesn't even cover it. To me that's like saying, I have no faith in you - you're just worthless. I get that enough word for word - when people say it it doesn't hurt as much as when people try to hide it. What's worse then trying to "cover" it up, is saying it publicly but aiming it at me. It's embarassing, and it seems like everyone knows my problems, when really, they don't. I know I'm not the most likeable person in the world, but I try, I try real hard to get people to like me, because I have nothing to fall back on. I'm not smart. I'm not talented. I have no looks. Everyone else seems to have something. I've already gotten SERIOUSLY hurt, another time will just add another scar. What doesn't kill you, only makes you weirder. I think that's the only truth the Joker ever told.

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The paragraph above was writen to someone as a reaction to a couple things they did to me - um it all happened on IM, so this person has already read it, but I feel that it bashes me more then it bashes them.

Every view in that paragraph is really how I feel about myself.

And everytime I look at my "friends", I have no idea weather or not they really are my friends.

I seriously hate life - it's so confusing, and a major let down.

-sigh- this thing is longer then the paragraph it self - and like the past 2 entryz combined. oh well

hurting Soul,
Kai

p.s. thanks for letting me vent. i'll post a sexy pic of me later. jk. maybe.