A/n- More biographical stuff

Good-bye Tears

I graduated on June thirteenth. They said- they being I have realized, those who have just experienced what you will experience- always say that during graduation you will be happy, realize that everyone is splitting off into a billion little places, and then you will break down.

Sometimes, this happens soon than later, and you will find some unfortunate souls huddled down on the floor outside of bathrooms rocking themselves to sleep during second period.

I did none of those things. I never cried. I never was sad.

I breezed through Graduation and Grad Night trying to work up something like emotion but I failed.

What did I have to be sad about?

My fiancé was going to school with me and my best friend didn’t even go to High School with the rest of us.

And I have Facebook. I will always have Facebook.

It is now August twenty-second.

I walk into Safeway and it’s about ten thirty pm, because, as you know, it is only after dark when any teenager ever goes into Safeway. It’s like a breeding ground. A meat market. Oh, haha, that’s funny. Meat market- like, boys, but it’s Safeway and they sell-

Anyway, I go in and I see a bag boy, Tyler, who has also just graduated. He raises his hand as if to say ‘hi’ and goes on bagging. I had two classes with this kid all through High School, but I knew his face and I knew him in general, as do all Seniors in the same class.

So I’m perusing the drink aisle for some Fresca. Obviously, because I want it, the entire original flavor is gone. I settle on Black Cherry. I haven’t tried it yet but I already know it won’t be very good; God never made anything called a ‘black cherry’ - it's unnatural and everything unnatural always tastes like chemicals.

I pick up the pack and some boy, gangly, comes bouncing by, calls my name, turns and stares at me.

His voice is rapid, as if he hasn’t taken his ADHD pills in a while, and his hair is longer then it use to be- but I recognize him at once. He use to be in my elementary classes. He was an old classmate.

I say old because he is a grade ahead of me. I use to be in that grade, the one in their second year of college now but I was held back.

I wasn’t stupid, I just moved schools and it was easier.

We chatted for a few minutes and he bounded off again.

I shake my head.

Finishing my shopping I get rung up by this old guy who loves his job at Safeway. I think he wakes up and looks forward to it.

Tyler is bagging my groceries and we get to chatting. I find out he's going to Chicago, majoring in Psychology.

Wow.

Chicago?

I thank him for the bags and he smiles. He leaves in three days, he tells me.

I look at him. “Well, good luck! See you!”

He says the same and I walk out.

And now I realize that it’s a lie.

We won’t just ‘see’ each other.

I unlock the door.

It’s not going to happen.

My car is idling in its parking space, radio glowing faintly.

Most likely we won’t ever see each other again ever.

I didn’t even give him a hug.

And I only had two classes with him!

All of a sudden I burst our crying; great hiccupping sobs that you always strangle in the pillow because they wake your parents.

I’m hunched over the steering wheel bawling. I finally get myself together to make the five minute drive home. I’m still crying when I park out front, as if every tear is another person who I didn’t make enough time to hug and kiss and say ‘I’ll miss you’ to.

And I cry and cry and cry until I can’t anymore, until I drag myself into the house where I drink down two Frescas and a poptart.

It took me a few months, but it happened, just like they said it would.