Chapter Two:

I woke to the sun shining in my room and I sighed happily. Bright mornings always made me happy. I hopped to my closet and chose a long-sleeved lavender shirt and my most comfortable jeans to wear to school. I was brushing my teeth and wondering whether I could get Brodie to take me to school when my brother, Shawn—and Tammy’s husband—knocked on my door.

I spat out the last of the toothpaste and wiped my mouth and opened the door.

“Hey, let’s go,” Shawn said.

“Good morning to you too,” I murmured crankily.

Before walking out to the car, I double-checked the things that I needed: backpack, iPod, iPhone, Economics book, and money. Check, check, check!

“Could you get a ride home today?” Shawn asked me.

I fiddled around with the radio stations and slowly nodded. “Sure, I’ll have to come home at around four-thirty though.”

He shrugged and said, “Okay.”

Before I got out of the car, I stuck in my earphones and pressed the play button on my iPod. “What About Now” by Daughtry started to play and I drummed my fingers against my jeans. Music was one of the only things that calmed me down. I was playing the music really loudly so I jumped in surprise when I felt a hand on my arm.

“Jeez, you’re deaf,” Faye reprimanded me.

I shrugged in apology. “You know I like to listen to music loudly.”

“Uh huh. You also like to look at the ground when you walk because when people look at you, it makes you nervous,” Faye retorted.

I fiddled with my earphones uneasily and shot a quick look around. A few people were looking in our direction and my eyes shot to the ground again. “You know how self-conscious I am.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, ‘cause you’ve got nothing going on for you.” She continued on sarcastically. “Those long legs of yours and your slim figure totally works against you.”

I smiled and slightly shoved her. I replied in a southern drawl, “Why, Faye, darling. You sure do know how to make a girl blush.” I batted my eyelashes and she pushed me. We both started laughing and when the first bell rang, signaling that first period was about to start, we both groaned and headed off to our classes.

Lunch came very slowly and agonizingly and when I headed to the table to where my friends, Sicily, Callie, Valerie, and Brodie were hanging out, I felt a strange sense come over me.

It’ssss happening agaaain, Imp cried out eagerly.

I shuddered and felt goose bumps rising on my skin. I took a detour and started walking to a deserted part of the school. My breathing started to become a lot shallower and I glared angrily at a bunch of giggling freshmen. I had these “spells” once in a while ever since about two months ago, when Brodie and I started hitting it off… about the same time when Imp appeared on my shoulder. I felt a strange sense of numbness coming over me and my hands shook nervously, trying to put my earphones back into my ears, to calm me as quickly as possible. When I pressed the button for it to play, the results were instant. My hands stopped shaking and I felt a lot less panicked. However, I was still breathing quickly. I was just sitting down but to me, I felt as if I was still running.

I took in quick mouthfuls of air and moaned in despair. The feelings of anger and sadness were writhing inside of me and I couldn’t ignore Imp anymore.

Poor Lissssy. Such feelingsss of hopelesssnesss. There isss one way of ending thosssse feelingsss.

I looked up with eyes that weren’t quite seeing. I felt as if a curtain was coming over my eyes and I fumbled forward to the closed and locked bathroom. Somehow, I seemed to have passed through the door and the dark bathroom seemed to have engulfed me into it.

“Wait,” I whispered. “The door was locked. How did I…?” I struggled to form my words against the black feelings that were starting to crush me. I fought to regain my consciousness and Imp hissed at me menacingly. Imp crawled to my backpack and rummaged through it and drew out a sharp and tiny razor.

I could imagine the feel of it on my skin and I shivered again, only this time it was from pleasure. I never cut myself before, but just thinking about it made me feel better… like it was a tranquilizer. I took the razor from Imp and drew back my sleeves.

Yesss, Imp said gleefully. Do it. Caussse yoursssself pain!

I took in a breath and touched the sharpest part of the razor—the edge of it—to my wrist when I heard a voice.

“What are you doing, Lissy?!” Phoebe screamed at me.

I snapped out of my reverie and felt like I was coming out of a thick fog. “Phoebe…?” I asked weakly.

No! No! Imp screeched at Phoebe even though I was the only one who could hear him. Why mussst you ruin everything?

She swiftly walked over to me and took the razor out of my trembling hands. “What are you doing, Lissy?” Phoebe asked me again in a gentler voice. “Why would you do something like this?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know,” I mumbled over and over, my eyes starting to fill with tears. Phoebe put her arms around me and hugged me. I almost flinched away from her touch and the tears disappeared from my eyes. Who did this girl think she was? How does she dare touch me?

I shook my head slightly and looked over at Imp, who was muttering darkly to himself. Those weren’t my thoughts. I would never think that way with Phoebe or any of my friends.

“I think… you should go home right now, Lissy. You aren’t feeling well… okay?” Phoebe pulled away and looked me in my eyes. I stared back and nodded. “Maybe…” she started to say. “Maybe you should go see a doctor. Cutting yourself isn’t… normal.”

“But I didn’t cut myself,” I protested.

Phoebe gave me a look that told me she didn’t believe me. “I’m going to take this. And I want you to stop cutting yourself, okay?” She put the razor safely into her backpack, to discard of later.

I nodded, although I didn’t know why she was getting so worked up for. I didn’t cut myself.

Phoebe nodded too and provided me a smile—though it was tense. I returned her strained smile and looked down at my wrists. Faint as they were, there were scars on my wrists. I had no idea how long they had been there and I brought my arm closer to my eyes to examine them. My eyes widened at how white and long the scars were. How could I have such markings on my body that I never noticed? How did this happen without me knowing? I stared at the lines going up and down and side to side and a few going diagonally. I was starting to get really scared. Maybe I did need to go to the doctor.

I looked up at Phoebe and she quickly looked away, pretending that she wasn’t watching me examine my scars.

“Why don’t I call your sister to pick you up?” Phoebe suggested. I nodded, still stunned at my discovery. She took my phone from my backpack and started to call my sister-in-law.

“Hey, Tammy? This is Phoebe, Lissy’s friend. I was wondering if you could come pick her up from school.” Phoebe paused. “She’s not… feeling well. Uh-huh. Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks.” She turned to me and said, “She’ll be here in about ten minutes.”

“Thanks,” I croaked out. “Will you wait with me?”

She nodded. “Sure.”

“Where’s Casey and Jo Ann?” I asked, referring to Phoebe’s friends.

She shrugged. “Probably in the cafeteria by now.”

“How did you even know where I was?”

“Wasn’t that hard. We do kind of go to lunch at the same time, Lissy,” Phoebe chuckled. “I thought you were going to Brodie but… you had this weird look on your face and then you sort of disappeared. It took me a long time to look for you… I thought that bathroom was closed anyways.”

I unlocked it sssso Lisssy could do sssomething for me, Imp said scornfully.

I hid my shock and disgust and said, “Lucky break, right?”

Phoebe gave me a look that I couldn’t read and said something like, “No, not lucky.”

We waited by the front office for Tammy to pick me up and after a few minutes, she called me to come outside. Phoebe hugged me again before I left and I again felt repulsed. Instantly, I felt a stab of regret and shame and I left her to go home.

On the ride home, Tammy bitched at me the whole time. Then she said, “You can’t go through one whole school day without causing trouble for yourself and everyone else, can you?”

I had stayed quiet while she yelled at me but that question made me snap. “What the fuck are you talking about? You act as if I’m a troublemaker. You fucking swear that I’m a delinquent or something.”

“Don’t curse at me, I’m older than you!” She screamed at me.

“Then why don’t you act like your age, you stupid whore?” I yelled back.

We were finally home and I jumped out of the car and headed for the front door when I heard her screech back, “You’re a worthless bitch! No wonder your parents left you when you were ten!”

I froze. My parents… left me? “Shawn told me they died.”

She sneered at me, happy to finally gain the upper hand. “He just told you that to spare your little feelings.” Tammy watched the look on my face and delighted in it. “How does it feel to know that not even your parents wanted you?”

Instantly, I felt angry and I stared at her squarely in the face. I quickly scanned the front hard and saw some big rocks.

Sssmasssh her face in! Imp crowed in joy.

“Poor Lissy, no one loves her. She’s all alone in the world, Wah, wah, wah,” Tammy taunted.

“Go away,” I said softly.

“No one will ever love you. You’ll grow up alone. You’ll live alone. And you’ll die alone. That is your fate,” she continued.

“I wish you would just go away and leave me alone!” I screamed in her face.

Two things happened at once. Imp started to cackle sinisterly and said, Wisssh granted. A strange look came over Tammy’s face and she just turned around and got in her car.

I stood on my front porch, breathing heavily from anger and strangely feeling drained. I unlocked the front door and stepped inside my house. I dropped my backpack by the door and walked to my room. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

When I woke up, it was because someone was ringing the doorbell and pounding on the door. I looked outside my window and was surprised to see how dark it had gotten. I got up to open the door and was greeted by two tall and uniformed men.

“Yes?” I asked nervously. Did they know that I had cut my wrists? Could I possibly go for jail for that? Would I be carted away in a straightjacket and taken to the nearest insane asylum? “Um, may I help you?”

“Are you Lissy?” The police officer asked.

I nodded. “Yes.”

He cleared his throat and looked away for a moment. Apparently, whatever he was going to tell me was uncomfortable. He did not want to be the bearer of bad news. “I’m sorry to tell you this but… your brother, Shawn, and his wife, Tammy, and their daughter, Trixie, died in a car accident.”