buRé's Super-Special-Awesome Guide to Writing a Fantasy Novel/b/u

Ré's Super-Special-Awesome Guide to Writing a Fantasy Novel

(Or pretty much anything else; just take out the fantasy element)

Lately, I have been getting a lot of questions (mostly from people I know) going, "Hey, Ré-chan, how did you come up with the ideas for your books, and how can I write my own book that can pwn your sales?" Here's the answer: You probably can't.

The best advice I can offer for people is discouragement. It's not that easy, and not really that rewarding most times. For those of you who are just in here because you just want an easy way to make some cash, leave now. Because it's not easy money, it's taxing on your time, emotions, and mental capacity. Publishing a book in and of itself, even after you've got all of your story done, is a huge pain, and after a while, sending three-pound piles of paper to New York can start to get expensive (Unless, of course, you live in NYC and can just deliver it by hand). Also, being a writer is sort of like being a rock star. Almost everyone wants to be one, a handful of them actually manage to get started, a few get everything going smoothly and make it pro, and very very few are shooting-stars. To write a book that gets enormous praise, you need a very good plot, realistic characters (for their world, anyway), and more than that, tons of luck. Or you can just appeal to people's basic instincts and become a total sell-out with an even greater amount of luck and acting like a total goodie-goodie on your interviews (Stephanie Meyer, I am looking directly at you), but those of us who do our best to write great things look at those people the same way as the millions of small-town musicians that put soul into their work look at Miley Cirus (or however you spell her name).

Anyway, now that that's out of the way, here comes the real rules! I'm going to ask you remember two sayings: "All things in moderation" and "equivalent exchange" Just because I don't like overly-beautiful characters doesn't mean that your characters need to be ugly, or even plain. There's nothing wrong with having a pretty girl in there as long as the language doesn't go purple. Also a lot of these things, other than those two quotes have exceptions. I merely write guidelines. If something I've said concerns you, just leave me a comment, explaining the situation 'kay? Even better than that is if you post a chapter and give me a link.

Please note that even though I portray this in a satirical manner, this is honestly how I do it. Because if you can't make fun of yourself, then who can you make fun of?.

1. Pick a fandom, any fandom!

Is there any series, book, anime, or otherwise, that you love with all your little heart? Good. Are there some things about the universe that it's set in that annoy you, and you would change if you could even though you're okay with most of the rules to said world? Awesome. Now, in that same world, is there any character that you really, really like, as in if-this-guy/girl-was-real,-I-would-so-date-him/her? Oh stop lying, of course there is! And in the slight chance you're sane enough to not fall in love with a fictional character, either come roll in the metaphorical mud with us lesser beings, or just choose someone cool.

For demonstration purposes, I'm going to use Artemis Fowl from the books names after him, because he's awesome and one of the few of my favorite characters I haven't used this method on. He is, in and of himself, a great character. Yes, he is a freaking smarty-pants and knows like everything but he has some astronomical flaws to make up for it, especially in the early books. ...Not just because he's hot. I swear! (Note: this sort of balance is what I want from your characters) Honestly, I kinda feel bad about breaking him, which is probably why this plot will be a lot dumber than the ones in my books (And I'm speeding through a process that would usually take months of revision in a day).

2. Make a list of traits that you like, and that you want to change.

This is the second-greatest point where my guinea pigs screwed up (second only to number three. You'll see why). The problem with this step is that the faults usually go into the "get rid of it" category. That is wrong. You must pair all of the good parts ones up with a bad part that will equal it (Theoretically, it is also possible to add up several good traits to equal a huge bad one, and vice versa, but I won't go into it now). Also, in this step, you should add some new traits if you want them in (Remember to even out the good and the bad). Also keep in mind that this is the character's basic make-up, and does not include contact with the original's characters, unless it caused a major physical or mental change (Like how in Harry Potter, contact with Voldy gave Harry the ability to talk to snakes), nor does it include age. I'm still using Arty (This is modeled after "The Time Paradox" since I just read it. I'm mentioning this because in each books he gets a lot of character development. Oh, and because of spoilers)

Keep:

-Four-digit IQ

-Manipulative and sadistic nature

-Resourcefulness

-Takes people for granted

- Has to think things through before he acts, wasting time

-Poor physical condition

-Tries to be evil and fails epically.

-The slightly stoic attitude

Scrap:

-Heir status

-Bodyguard (Too helpful)

-Father's accident

-Losing all his magic

-Living in Ireland

New:

-Kinder to people

-Works with his magic more

-Lives in a suburb of Minneapolis, Minnesota (Hey, why not?)

-Comes from a middle-class family

-Keeps his obscene intelligence hidden in real life, flaunting it only over the inter-web-net.

-Actually has some human friends

So now instead of an ex-magical Irish super-genus billionaire that manipulates people constantly that can easily hide things from his parents because they're off on their own rich-person adventures that is honestly a wimp but has a badass bodyguard helping him so his lack of physical premise should not matter, you've got a brilliant kid from the northern US who lives in a normal house and hides his intelligence and magical powers from everyone with the help of people he's manipulated into being his friends. See? Hopefully, if you'd give this description to even a die-hard Artemis Fowl fan, they shouldn't be able to pinpoint that they're the same people unless you tell them. If they do get it too easily, go and change a couple things.

...Dear God that was a long sentence.

3. Love interest (skip this if you don't want to have romance in your novel)

This is the hardest bit for a lot of people. I realize the temptation is there to make the love interest "as perfect as possible, because the hero(ine) deserves someone like him/her!" Don't make me strangle you through the internet! You can do it. Not every love interest has to be perfect. Let's face it, nobody really wants someone without flaws, you want someone who'll screw up, because it reminds us that the ones we love are human too, and we really can deserve them.

Basically, the easiest way to do this is to make the love interest as major of a player as the main character him/herself. That way, you can go through the same process as above, and not have to worry about love. Just write her as a character that would be a good friend to the main character, and add the fact that they're hormonally attracted later. A good place to get his character is usually the character's love interest (or, at least, who you think should be the interest) from the cannon.

If you do this correctly, you can even commit the "cardinal sin" of writing. That's right, you can do a self-insert bum-bum-BUM!

Actually, it's not that hard. If you can distance you from yourself, it works just fine. We're all human here (unless you're some sort of animal or ghost who has learned how to use a computer, in which case, boy am I impressed!), and our real selves all have flaws, which makes us as good candidates for the gutting as anything else. Or maybe you don't have to, maybe you can just give yourself wings, and cut off your ability to be a concert pianist but leave everything the same.

But if you do decide you don't want anyone to know about your secret crush on the lead, so you do want gut them, that's fine too. As long as you keep things fair, which I can never mention enough to people (not that they EVER listen, but I try), no one will notice. I think my truest example of this would be Kat from Red Moon. She is a total self insert. The first thing I did was change her coloring and height and gave her magic to make her one with that world. After that, I took away the majority of her IQ, but make up for it by letting her more-or-less have freedom. If I was allowed to act like her, I so would. After that, it was tiny changes, like giving her cat-ears, but also making her have the most annoying of cat behaviors. But basically, the two of us have almost identical souls. I think more like Nuru, but I feel things like Kat.

Anyway, here's a list of things to avoid at all costs:

-Giving unnecessary powers or talents, or even ones that would just save time (because not only is it annoying, the longer it takes, the more pages you write, the more money you get per copy sold)

-Make sure that other people have very similar, if not the same powers, or that almost any bum off the street could possibly get this power (This means that even if your character is the last of his/her race or clan, there are other groups with similar powers. There could be one group that dies out that uses dirt, but just over there there's a whole bunch who use sand or rock. Just an idea.)

-Things that are just there to make your character more attractive (As I said before, this does not mean that they should be ugly. Just don't make them movie stars... unless, of course, this involves Hollywood. I'm speaking mainly of extra powers, extra-emo past, yadda yadda yadda)

-Having traits' only function to make the love interest more appropriate for the main character. (Couples that fight are more fun to right about anyway)

-Keep them constant (If they're the "strongest mage in the kingdom" they do not need to be rescued all the time. They can get themselves out of trouble. Similarly, if this is a girl that hates men for whatever reason, she will not just leap into the arms of her "one true love")

-Avoid destiny. (This often times includes soul mates. Just about all of the excuses, such as "the prophesy says that they will get together" or "They bond as soon as they see each other" are all BS. Please try to avoid using the "we belong together" card, unless it's in a satirical matter, such as one showing up outside the other's window and screaming that. Followed, of course, by getting a chamber pot dumped on their head by the said interest)

-Please, PLEASE no love at first sight! (I mean this in the 'true love' style. Thinking someone is hot and you want to bang them when you see that is fine. Even having a slight natural affinity to the other person is fine. But no soulful kisses for at least a few months. Please.)

4. Building a world

This is one of my favorite part of this whole thing, because this is where your most freedom really is. Usually, you start with the same world your main character came from. You take that, and you do with the physics and rules what you did with the characters. This step includes the species on your planet. You should set up the politics, geography, customs, and anything else you can think of. Also, begin to tweak your main characters so that they stay well within the realm of this new world. Then, WRITE THEM DOWN! This is the hard part, and it's annoying, but it's important. This way, you do not cheat. You do not get half way through and think "Oh, this would be so much easier for the heroine if only blah, blah, blah" and then do it for her. Life is SUPPOSED to be hard, that's why we're reading it. Writing is 25 parent, but 65 is being an evil mastermind (The other 20 is a combination biographer, painter, and actor). Never forget that. Writing a story is more important than a character's feelings. They're not real, but your audience who paid good money to read the book is not. Therefore, the readers come first.

5. Be fruitful, and fill the earth!

Okay, so now you have two great characters (one if you skipped the love interest), and a place to put them, full of lots of extras! So now you're ready- Oh what? Your cast is still pretty small? Good eye!

This part is the bit where you begin to make some minor characters! Because without minor characters to help them, main characters are nothing but weirdoes running around trying to do good while really only making a nuisance of themselves by accidentally using their magic to burn down farmer's houses. So you need a reason for them to be going, some sort of conflict. So, yes, this includes the antagonist.

This is where the real genius comes in. Most people could get through previous four steps, but making believable minor characters is hard. Not so much because it is very tempting to make them the stock characters, but because they create the plot. The minor characters group dynamics are ALWAYS what sparks the action in good books with an innocent hero (There are, of course, books where the hero starts everything, but for some reason, people don't use those often). Dumbledore doesn't expel Tom Riddle, so Tom learns that he can get away with anything and feels that he should eliminate the muggles. Poof: It's the plot for Harry Potter! Nameless urglals kill Galbatorix's dragon. Poof: It's the plot for Eragon! See?

No minor characters means no plot. This is especially true when the main point of the book is about families, like The Little House in the Big Woods.

6. This is just as bad as school!

This part will probably remind you a lot of science class, or possibly math. So now you've got your main characters, your setting, your problem, and your minor characters. That leaves one question: Where in the world is that plot going to go?!

Basically, this is the way that I do my plots. You now have the base, and the snowball has started rolling. So, once the event that starts the fun happens, how would the other side respond? And once they do, how does the opposition top it? And then what happens? And then, and then, and then?

This is basically all there is to it. I find that it works well, because that is how 'plots' work in the real world. Don't think about the next step too hard. By this point, with all the revisions and tweaks, you should know the characters inside and out and how they'd go about stopping the other side. The exception to this is when one side would go regroup, so there are a whole bunch of character development scenes.

This is nice for me, since all I have to do is sit back and let my imagination do this without consulting me first!

7. Writing, writing

Now, at stage seven, we are finally at the point where you can type the words "Chapter one." You finally get to write your book! Now, what you have to do is take that outline of events and buff it out with combat moves, new names, and the occasional meaningless dialogue!

There's not a method from here on out, so I'll leave you with a few more guidelines, and then we can wrap this puppy up!

-No deus ex machina. Just no. Come up with a better way. There IS a better way. You know in your heart if it's fair, and do does your audience, and it annoys the crap out of the latter when this happens.

-Know when your story ends. Do not cut off right after the climax, nor way after everything's done. A good rule of thumb is to have one aftermath chapter to assess the damage and make the end satisfying.

-DO NOT BEND THE RULES! You make the rules, and therefore you must stick to them. If that means your main guy dies, let him die. (If you're good, you drop a hint of how they could be saved severally before hand so that they'll be fine)

-Do not use purple language for the interest! The only exception is if you describe everyone like that (except maybe for one or two characters who only get mentioned in passing)

-If you're narrating from the 1st person, make sure to write the way your character talks. That doesn't just mean not to use words like "antidisestablishmentarianism" on a character that usually speaks with a mostly monosyllabic vocabulary. It also means that those that would use those words in dialogue should use it in narration. Same for the purple language. It makes the character sound like the character.

-Try to keep the plot as compact as you can with things still making sense. If two of your characters go through a scene to get groceries and nothing else happens, cut it. However, if during the time they're at that grocery store, the hero learns that the only way to kill the evil overlord is to stop his supply of Twinkies, keep it.

Most importantly out of any of my advice would be this: Be true and fair to your ideas. The true part: do not go and take every bit of advice people give you to heart. And, conversely, the fair part: if something is repeated over and over, change the idea just a bit, as long as it doesn't kill your plot.

Goodbye, and good luck. If you're a writer, you'll sure as hell need it!