my stomach

has tied itself in so many knots

that i can't eat.

when i close my eyes

i see yours

and if only i could remember

exactly

that leap of my heart

that first

forward moving of

your lips

crashing against mine like waves on the sand

gentle, breezy softness

greedy licks and nibbles

twisting tongues

and i sit back

feeling tied up

feeling so free

lips shut against my own uncontrolled brain

and i feel you inside of me, still

when i am padding across wet pavement

in my blue canvas shoes

and strangers around me

seem to stop and stare

the drizzle, then a shower

hazy streetlights of Brooklyn

not a light-skinned person in sight

except for you

and the rain is pouring now

ground shakes, low rumbling,

ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk

the train passes by

gnawing hunger

hallucinating on the street corner

through a diamond doorway that does not belong

up an endlessly stained carpet on narrow stairs

the door of your apartment has

letter number

but i don't see them

your hand is steady

you find the keys after too much time

now fumbling for the lock

flash of brown-to-hazel, two dragons meeting in the air, penetrating, moaning

but we fly apart too quickly

(cut)

striped cat without

taking a liking to me

but i smile

i'll get my way

in time

boxes and clutter, sparse walls and dirty floors

(dirty memories?)

a groaning, a vibrating floor,

the clicking of the tracks

the train passes by

pliers grip my nipples as we pound on that frame

bolt penetrating, biting, holding the wood

sitting so close, legs sparking where they touch, fingers inching, subtle

bad movie and your left side against my right

and talking, commenting, connecting, criticizing

another flash, the dance, the stare: "what?"

broken

parting, see her walk the long hallway

winding down, slowly, toy mechanisms

running aground

there is no sound

see if i should make the move

lean in the doorframe, eyes downcast, glancing her way

"is it too late to talk?"

and i get a relieved smile

dialoging on my bed, the couch, beneath her quilted comforter...

fast forward, through the first break of the waves

running passion

fire burning up my veins

restraint that makes me moan

distant thunder and

clanking of hammers on steel

the train passes by

she seems so sure of herself

but there it is

a falter

the promise not to fuck that night

lingering questions fall away into the dark

bodies lying close, gentle breaths in the warm, late summer darkness

small touching, gentle, as if we might crack, or break

slow

wake up, reassure, sleep, wait, listen, cat pouncing in the dark

light show, aliens coming for us,

rattling, howling

the train passes by

i find peace in the chaos

breathing in her scent

bodies pressed so close in the heat

and i think i love her

but i don't think she can love me back

scene