"KMKMLM"

Karasu 091708

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Chapter One

The hairs on the back of my hand prickled as his fingertips slid over my skin. It was the first time we had ever been this close, despite the numerous times I had spent in his living room, sprawled out on the floor. We had always kept our distance. For fear that this would happen...

I swallowed hard, trying to crush that lump in my throat. The hand under his trembled in an almost violent manner as he leaned in. His hot breath mingled with the droplets of sweat running down my neck as he whispered into my ear.

"Are you sure you want this?"

Despite the fact that I was trying to keep my voice in check, I let out a shaky, "Yes..."

"Why are you trembling?" I heard the smirk creep into his voice as he trailed a finger up my arm. It tickled, and my skin crawled, until he reached my chin. He had me by the neck.

"Why are you?"

He pulled back just enough so I could see the graceful curve of his pink lips before he leaned in and lightly pressed them to mine. I felt frozen to the spot as his lips slowly moved against mine. The hand on my neck pushed my head back, and I couldn't fight the gasp that opened my mouth to his tongue.

It wasn't the first time I had French kissed. I had had a girlfriend before, like any other boy my age. But it was the first time I had another boy's slick, wet tongue roaming across mine. Droplets of sweat trailed down my neck between our skin.

A mixture of a grunt and groan echoed betwixt our mouths and I still hadn't closed my eyes.

With Aime it was different. She had soft, inviting kisses. She never made me feel uncomfortable or like I had to do it. Of course, that was almost a year ago... and I had to move on. But what I was moving on to... was almost forcing me to kiss him.

Before I had time to finish thinking about Aime, and how unfamiliar being kissed by Kalem was, he had moved to straddle my lap. My head was tilted back, a trail of our mixed saliva reaching my chin as he let out another moan.

Kalem snaked his other hand down my body, swirling his smooth nail around my stomach. Long ago had I become accustomed to being shirtless around him. It was a guy thing, I guess...

"G-god, Kasch," he panted into my mouth as I shook beneath him. He was the only person to call me by my middle name...

I pressed my palms to the bed behind me, pausing a moment to consider the fact that if I sat with my legs folded under me for much longer, it would be rather uncomfortable. But Kalem's white-hot fingers snapped the thought out of me, and my breath hitched in my throat. I could feel his hands around my length. It was strange, and I felt my heartbeat quicken against my ribcage.

Kalem pressed his hips into mine, letting out an animalistic moan, "I've wanted this for so long, Kasch... I'm g-glad you came around."

I let his words sink in because my brain was mush.

His hand felt... different. I was used to mine only, of course. Kalem's grip was a bit tighter, the calloused pads of his hand rough and melting pleasure and pain all into one fantastic mixture. He helped his grandfather out on the farm a lot, and was fond of riding horses.

We used to crack jokes about the movement of hips while riding.

Now he was grinding our bodies together, my name falling from his lips. Long ago had our clothes been shed; thrown hurriedly to the side so we could be closer. We were shaking; him from sexual passion, me from fright.

Kalem's fist gripped the bedsheets beside my head as he bit into my neck. I felt the sticky liquid before I saw it (my eyes were squeezed tightly together), and guilt immediately filled my chest.

"Ah, I-I'm sorry you didn't--"

I hushed him before he could say it. Something about saying it would make this real.

Kalem and I hurriedly put the rest of our clothes back on; my shirt was just pushed up my torso, but his shirt was discarded on his bedroom floor, as well as both of our pants.

"My-- uh, mom will be here soon," I murmured as I wiped off my thigh with an old t-shirt of his. I could hardly keep enough spit in my mouth to speak. The shirt was slipping from my grasp, but I kept enough composure to not arouse suspicion.

He nodded, and cleaned himself up as well. Kalem's dark red hair was flipped out of his eyes as he leaned in to steal another rough kiss. "You were... everything I thought. Next time, I want to be inside of you, Kasch."

--

Home didn't feel like home. Maybe it was just me. I had brushed off casual answers to my mother's questions of "did you have a good time?" and "is Kalem doing okay?" Slipping further away from her grasp, I collapsed on my bathroom floor, naked and ashamed.

The phone in my hands weighed almost too much for me to punch in a few numbers.

"Hello, this is Lien."

"Li..." was all I managed out before he caught who it was. He never checked his Caller ID, and I never figured out why.

"Daniel, hey, what is it?" Genuine concern laced his words, and I couldn't fight the flow of tears that rained down. I bet that if he could've seen me, he would've wrapped his skinny arms around me and held me... He was my best friend.

But the fantasy of Lien holding me was just that. I felt even more alone. "I--I think I made a big mistake..."

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Author's Note: I... don't think I've ever done a sex scene in the first chapter of a story. XD Well, there's a first time for everything! Daniel, Aime, and Clara are all characters from another story I had been working on. You'll see them again... later. Hopefully. I had a crazy burst of inspiration this evening and I had to get it out. I just hope it lasts.

The title is an anagram for "Kiss me, kill me, love me," a line from one of my favourite Dir en grey songs. It's also Kalem's, Daniel's, and Lien's initials.

By the way, thank you for making the inspiration come... I'm glad things are the same between us. You really are a pretty boy.