"KMKMLM"

Karasu

Chapter Two

I've known Lien Morita since I was around three years old. My mom had known his parents since they were little as well, and we just grew up around each other when Mom and I moved back home.

Lien and I were born about two months apart so we did almost everything together. I followed him like an annoying little brother, and he loved every minute of it. Or so he said.

When he walked into my house, I saw his expression go from one of complete happiness, to worried, and then, when he settled his eyes on me, sadness.

"Daniel, what happened?" He kneeled beside me, his sunglasses pushed up through his dark black hair, and caught my face between his hands. I hadn't slept last night, and I know he could tell. Another dead giveaway that I wasn't okay was the Cirque du Soleil album playing in the background. It was a mix of all the more somber melodies that were played throughout the different shows.

"Kalem and I..." I didn't dare finish. Making it final would kill me. It was already killing me.

Lien seemed to understand, for he gathered me in his arms, whispering soothing things to me. His scrawny chest was pressed to my back as he rocked me, and I fought the urge to cry.

How could I have been so stupid? I didn't love Kalem. I was just... curious. I guess.

"What made you do that, Daniel? You know Kalem doesn't love anyone but himself..." Lien's voice was strained and I could feel that he was taking deep, long breaths; he was trying not to cry with me. "D-do you... love him?"

I tried to wrap my head around that. Did I love Kalem?

No.

I loved Aime, and I realized that after she and Clara fell into their rushed, sweeping romance that I so envied. Aime and I had that once. Those nights where it was all you could do to not call each other. To check up and make sure they were still alive. Where you lied in bed, gazing and everything and nothing because love made you stop and contemplate the meaning of forever.

What Kalem and I had didn't come anywhere near love.

In the silence of my answer, I think that Lien understood. Since we had been so close, I think we had this almost twin-like ESP going on. I felt him nod against me, and I relaxed in his hold. Lien understood. I knew it.

"Will you see him again?"

"Do you have to ask?" My tone was not sharp by any means. Monotonous. That's the word for it. I was weak from crying, and didn't have the same bounce to my voice.

Lien breathed out a sigh that tickled my shoulderblades, "I'm worried about you, Daniel. After that whole fiasco with Aime and Clara, I just... I don't know what you're doing anymore."

More blank staring and monotone words that didn't mean shit, "I'm fine."

I was thrown roughly to the carpet of the living room floor, then picked up by my muscle-less arms. Lien had me eye-to-eye with him as he yelled, "You're not goddamn fine, Dan! You're fucking the first guy who shows interest in you, and you've only known him for a few months! I don't get why you're doing it." He sat me down on my couch, eyebrows knitting together as he continued his scolding. "Maybe you figure since Aime tried out the whole gay thing, you should a well. Is that it, Daniel?! Fucking explain it to me, because I don't get it!"

I sighed emotionlessly, defeated by Li's words. He was right... I didn't get it, either. Maybe... maybe I wanted to feel close to someone again. The only way I had ever felt close to Aime was when we fucked.

Maybe I was just so screwed up mentally that I just wanted someone to care about me...

Lien collapsed in front of me, holding my hands in his pale white ones. Lien was the shade of bone, and I liked that about him.

"Daniel, I care about you, more than anything. If that's what you wanted, I can understand. But... come to me... Please." His cries were pathetic, and I was even more disgusted with myself. How could I do this to my friend?!

What was wrong with me...?

--

"You need to quit this shit, Dan."

She was looking up to the sky, and it was radiating off of her skin, making her look ten times more beautiful than I ever thought she could look. Clara had been there through senior year. Through the art portfolios. Through the lost loves. Through the expermintation. Through the drama. Through the bullshit. She had stood up beside me, even though a war raged around her.

I was thankful for that.

But her advice was pissing me off.

Clara looked at me pointedly, her bright hazel eyes narrowed like when she told me she loved me. "We went through this once already. Don't put yourself through it again. Don't put me through it. Don't put Lien through it. Just... don't."

"I'm not trying to do anything," I retorted. I loved Clara with all my heart and soul, but she was a royal bitch sometimes.

She turned toward me, a fire that I hadn't seen in a while deep in her eyes, "You're looking for attention."

I couldn't believe what she just said! Clara... my best gal pal... calling me an attention whore!

"You did to Aime, and now you're doing it with Kalem... I'm not stupid, Daniel. None of us are," Clara's delicate fingers twirled the diamond ring around her finger; the one Aime gave her on their one year anniversary.

It made me stop and think... had it really been a year?

Yeah... I guess it had been.

"I'm not doing anything." I almost repeated my last sentence, but with more vigor. It pissed me off that she thought she knew me. After years of friendship, Clara hadn't even scratched the surface of my ulterior motives or my conflicted feelings.

C'est la vie, I let my last girlfriend be a lesbian.

But it wasn't that simple. Aime had broken my fucking heart, and Clara acted like it was no big deal. Even though I knew she still loved me. Yes, Clara.

It was the first time I had ever been in a love triangle. On top of everything else senior year, I had to deal with that triangle.

It tore me up...

Clara hopped off of the picnic table we had been sitting on, her now fiery auburn hair picking up in the slight winter wind. She sighed heavily, bringing her hand to my face. I hadn't shaved in a few days, but I knew she didn't mind the stubble.

"I still care about you, despite what you think..."

--

Author's Note: I updated my profile with information about the status of this story amongst others. :D Check that out, please. But... writing this, especially that last line, makes me realize that I need to get around to typing and finishing the story that sparked this one.

So I'm working backwards. Whatever.

I'll get around to it, but I'm packing. So. I need to find that notebook before I pack. XD

Anyway. You know the drill. I'll shut up now. :3d

P.S.: If anyone gets the line "C'est la vie..." lemme know. ;D