Unsure

My heart skips a beat,
my mind goes blank,
when I see your face
or hear your name.

Just the sight of you
makes my knees go weak.
I wish I could stop it,
but I don't know how.

You always act different
and it's really annoying...
aggravating around friends,
sweet around me.

I'm so unsure
of what I want to do.
I want you, need you,
but still you hurt me.

Everyone's pressuring me
into thinking I should.
I know you're not perfect,
but they don't understand.

They don't see you
the way I do.
Have they taken the time
to get to know you?

No, they haven't,
and that's the difference.
They think it's so simple
when it really is not.

Completely indecisive,
I'm torn in two.
Yet again, my mind draws a blank
as you walk into the room.

I stand here and stare
as you smile with your friends,
laughing, joking...
kidding around about me.

I bite my lip
and turn back to my friends.
Concerned they watch me
as I flash a "don't worry" grin.

They continue talking
and I nod now and then.
But I'm truly, actually
panicking inside.

There are so many things
you know about me.
My secrets, my flaws,
my dreams.

Scared that you'll tell,
I hover in the middle
of the two decisions
they want me to make.

I like you a lot,
I'm crazy over you.
I know that you know,
but I'm not sure you like me too.

You say that you do,
but sometimes I can't believe.
Do you like the idea of us
or do you like me for me?

My heart breaks a little
when I envision what would happen
if we weren't
together.

So instead of complicating things,
I decide I'm content with what I believe.
You're with me, you're mine,
and you love me.

But slowly, gradually,
I realize I'm losing you.
To your friends, your hormones,
and it doesn't seem fair.

I hear your familiar laugh,
startling me out of thought.
I watch as you raise your gaze
and our eyes lock.

Caught up in the moment,
I freeze up.
You smile, I smile.
Once again, I go blank.

How did you know
I was looking at you?
Did someone say something?
Was it one of your friends?

Well, I don't care.
That's the least of my worries.
Coming back down to reality,
I face my friends.

They continue to talk
as if I'm participating in conversation.
Again, I nod now and then.
But this time, I'm not panicking as much.

I steal a glance of you,
a quick one, once more.
I like you, I don't,
and I'm totally unsure.