A journal of sorts. Please don't review me on my style, because I know full well it's sucking. It's merely flow of thought.

Number One

I have done lots of things knowing full well that they were the wrong things to do. I frequently do stuff that I shouldn't because I have a complete disregard for the rules. That and I'm incredibly impulsive. I'm afraid I haven't got that much of a conscience, or if I did, it's been beaten into lethargy and walled into the furthermost cellar of my mind, like the wife of the protagonist in an Edgar Allen Poe story.

I'm not sure how this came to pass without me knowing (one would expect me to have a hell of a headache with that sort of thing going on in my mind), but it might have something to do with the fact that I'm going throught the so-called rebellious stage in the roller-coaster ride that is apparently puberty.

It's hard to think of a teenager as a rebel anymore, actually. This is a time when we (my generation) are buying everything from designer soda to designer ripped-up jeans, so it's only a matter of time before someone comes up with Rebelliousness In A Bottle, and then brands it with a floppy white C, the golden arches... whatever happens to be the face of youth everywhere. Such an idea may seem absurd- mass marketing something as individualistic as the teenage rebel (whch isn't individualistic anymore, seeing as it has it's own stereotype) sounds impossible, but if they can sell jeans that have holes in them already, I'm assuming the really can do anything.

But I really shouldn't be blaming companies for our stupidity and our absurdist mob mentality. That's human nature. And though Darwin said that we progress even subconsciously, it sure as hell doesn't look that way when you stand back and look at the big picture. Basically, we still act like we did a hundred years ago. We just hate different people and we 'need' different things. We haven't progressed- we've just changed. Our mentality is the same- we're still startlingly conformist and adverse to standing out, even with our leaps forward in multiculturism and free thought.

If I were a pessimist, I'd say that the human being has evolved to itsutmost capacity, and we're stuck like this forever. Luckily, I'm an optimist- I think we're just moving slow.

But when I square the blame on human nature for my own failings, am I myself submitting to the prevalent mob mentality? It would just be that easy to say that we're naturally conniving cheating animals. But that would be smearing the entire human race to make myself look sympathetic, and so I won't...

... But then again, we wouldn't have so many playwrights writing tragedies about the human condition if the human race wasn't flawed in some way, so let's assume, for contradiction's sake, that humans are indeed born as reckless greedy savages. If that were the case, should we give in to the primal urge to be bad whenever we feel like it? Or should we try to forward ourselves, as we have done for thousands of years?