"I'll Always Be By Your Side"

Karasu 092108

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Summary: (mxm, birthday fic for Zephie-pie) Ah, kore ga koi... 好きで好きでどうしようもない

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Carl Roscoe Silas Reinard sits at his desk, the one against the back wall of his simple room, and puts his pen to paper. He's never been one to write; only when the occasion called for it. And this is one of those big occasions that calls for him to muster up every ounce of creativity (which wasn't much in the writing department, let's be honest) he had, and just... write.

He looks down at the blank sheet of paper in front of him, traces the blue line with the tip of his bare fingernail... Carl sighs.

"You know what?" He tells himself, resolved in the decision he just made. "I'm just going to write whatever I feel. No fancy fucking poetry. No masking. No sugar-coating. I'm just going to tell him how I feel..."

And, with that, Carl sets out to write again.

This time, his pen moves slowly but surely, and soon his prickly writing takes up more than half of the sheet. Carl is satisfied that this will do, and he re-caps his pen, setting it to the side. There are little doodles in the margins of the paper in front of him. He searches around his desk for an envelope, and finds the perfect sized one.

Grinning, Carl carefully folds the letter into a delicate origami crane, but instead of ballooning the body, he leaves it folded flat. The teen places the crane in the envelope he dug out, writing "Kazuki" on the outside, and placing a little red-marker heart beside it.

Tomorrow, when Kazuki came over, it would likely be before Carl even stirred awake. If everything went as planned, Kazuki would stride in, confidence radiating from his firm, luscious body. He would see Carl slumbering, and would take care not to wake him (Kazuki was, indeed, a very thoughtful lover). The Japanese man would probably not poke around Carl's things, but Carl would make sure to leave this note in a place Kazuki could not possibly miss...

Carl stretches out the cramped muscles in his upper back as he yawns, and stands, tucking himself into the bed he and his lover had shared numerous times. Carl is very satisfied with what he has done, and if it wouldn't ruin the moment, he would love to watch Kazuki read what he left him.

Muttering a "g'night" to the two turtles on his computer desk, Carl closes his eyes and lets himself slip off to sleep.

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Kazuki Takahashi waves to his lover's mother as she exits early. She's a nice lady, he thinks, and has never once griped about his relationship with her son. Ms. Reinard seems to have a good head on her shoulders for this type of thing, and Kazuki appreciates that.

After he bids his future mother-in-law (if he and Carl had any say in that matter) a good day, he practically jumps up the beige flight of stairs that would lead to Carl's room. He pauses at the door, careful to be extra quiet. Carl loves to sleep in late when he can, and Kazuki is content with watching him sleep... until something more interesting grabs his attention.

But Kazuki opts not to think about that (no use in getting aroused already; Carl once told him he loved causing that glassy-eyed look), and he inches his way inside the lovely sanctuary.

Carl is, of course, still sleeping peacefully. His mouth is wide open, Kazuki notes, and he smiles. Creeping along the soft, plush carpet, Kazuki has his target in sight. He runs his tongue along his lower lip, almost ready to pounce on the snoring figure of his boyfriend, when... something on the desk catches his eyes.

Kazuki's dark brown gaze falters when he sees his name on the front of the lone envelope on Carl's desk. At first, his heartbeat quickens. There had been no special occasion, had there? No reason for Carl to write a letter.

Until he sees the heart, he contemplates the worst scenario possible...

But, no.

He sits at the desk and reads the letter slowly...

"Dearest Kazuki,

I've tried a number of times to express to you how I feel. So far, I haven't found words with enough meaning, therefore... I've failed. I don't think I've ever failed at anything in my life before. In a way, it makes me feel helpless. But in an entirely different way, it makes my heart soar.

You're the only thing that doesn't make sense in my life.

I love it.

You're unpredictable, extraordinary, and everything I want to be. You have such a tenderness about you. When I see you around others, I can't help but watch from afar and appreciate everything that is mine. Mine. That word still sounds rather... odd coming from my lips.

I've never had anything that was completely and utterly mine before.

It scares me, y'know?

I don't want to trip and fall and shatter the heart I hold so carefully in my hands. I want to keep that heart close to my body at all times, as close to my own heart as possible. If I could place it under the safety of my ribcage as well, I would.

But I'd feel guilty at the same time. I don't want to tie you down. To... put you in a cage. My jealousy fights against my common sense. If I told you how much I longed for you every day of my life, I'm so afraid that it would creep you out. But, oh, I do. I want you near me every second of every hour of every day of every month of every year of every decade of my life. Because I know there aren't many.

The only thing I could ever want in return in this life is standing in my room, over my desk, reading this right now.

If I made one person completely and utterly happy, without even trying to be something I'm just not... my life will be complete and I can die a happy, happy, man.

Have I done that, Kazuki?

Are you as happy as I think you are?

I love you, I love you, it cannot be helped...

I would kill for you. I would die for you. I would endure torture. I would work my hands to the bone. I'd write you cheesy poetry. I would eat your traditional meals, even though my taste buds would protest. I would dye your hair, then complain in the following days about the dye under my fingernails. I'd be your muse. I'd sing you to sleep. I would tell you stupid jokes just so I could see you laugh. I would kiss you in the rain, then push you in the mud.

I'll tell you that I love you every day of your life until you get just how much I mean it.

These are... all the things I wished I could say to you aloud. But I'd never have the courage to utter a single sentence or attempt even one of those "I would's" (unless it was, of course, dying for you... and maybe writing you cheesy poetry).

So, please, don't ever doubt how much you mean to me. And I won't ever doubt this feeling that keeps growing inside of me...

Love always and forever,

Carl"

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Carl had sat up a while ago, watching Kazuki's face as he read the love letter. He had seen a range of emotion on his lover's face, and he smiles through his tears. Carl knows when Kazuki finishes reading, too, because the piece of paper is held in Kazuki's lap. The man Carl loves more than life itself turns to him, and Carl can see the tears that have threatened to spill over and ruin Kazuki's eyeliner.

All Carl can offer in explanation is a sheepish grin and pink-painted cheeks.

But that's all Kazuki wants, and he makes his way over to his boyfriend.

"I love you, Kazu-kun," Carl speaks in slow tones, trying to keep his voice steady. He uses the nickname that he knows Kazuki loves (or at least tolerates), and a rush of air is expelled from his lungs as Kazuki bends over, pressing their lips together gently.

Carl twirls a navy blue strand of hair between his fingers as they kiss, and they fall into each other's arms.

Kazuki's breath tickles Carl's lips as he whispers, "I love you, too, my red rose..."

And that's all Carl needs.

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Author's Note: Happy Seventeenth Birthday, Pookie. It's all I need, too. (insert my heart here)