Holding Everything In

Emotions stuck inside,
waiting to come out,
waiting for the right chance
to tumble out suddenly.

Instead, I build a dam
and keep everything in,
holding inside all
of the adjectives I feel.

Heartbroken.
Crushed.
Deceived.
In denial.
Longing.
Wistful.
Disappointed.
Upset.
Angry.
Shaky.
Unstable.
Out of it.
Blank.
Confused.
Shocked.
Stunned.
Dazed.
Breathless.

All these emotions
crammed into my hurting heart,
weighing it
heavier by the second.

You won't spare me
the chance
of one last look.

Instead, you avoid me.
And break my heart some more.

Now I'm alone,
no one in my presence.
I sit on the ground and
hug my knees.

And then,
suddenly,
everything I'm holding in
breaks out in the silence.

I lean my head
against the wall
and inhale sharply,
my breathing loud.

You think these are
just tears?

Well, you're wrong.

These drops of liquid
rolling down my cheeks
are parts of my soul
being shed in pain.

It's all
because of you.

And you
don't even know.

You don't understand
how much hurt
I'm enduring
right now.

But maybe it's
my fault, as well.
Maybe I shouldn't be
holding everything in.

But I do anyway...
...or at least until I'm alone.