Darkness fell as my eyes grew heavy. It was not fate that drove these two happenings to come at the same time as much as a deeply ingrained habit. But as the clock ticked on for hours upon hours, I knew I must make that final trek to the altar upon which all hell is broken. To sleep, of late, has been a curse reserved in my mind for only the most evil of men. But as my eyes grew heavier, and my thoughts grew darker, I realized the only escape was to gamble with dreams.

She lay down next to me, smiling a smile that made me want to fulfill her every desire. I complained, "no, this is only a dream, and even so, why are you doing this? You are already going out with HIM." At the mention of HIM, her eyes grew misty, and I sensed the room shift. She was sitting next to me now, me leaning on her shoulder. "What are you doing?" She asked as I stroked her soft skin that tingled under my touch. "Nothing," I replied. The movie that I just realized we were watching played on, as she started to get up. "Please don't go!" I cried. But she just left, laughing while she spoke the words I had heard a thousand times: "But I don't love you, I never have, and I never will. And frankly I would rather have HIM than you any day. This has to stop, , for both our sakes." And with that she was gone.

I awoke laughing a maniacal laugh—a sadistic laugh—and realized that I had been crying the whole time. I cursed myself again. But the laughter continued. I mocked myself for dreaming; I cried for my lost hope. The sun rose in a few minutes, but in those few minutes before the sun streaked across my face, the laughter was only stopped by choking on tears, and I realized once again the truths about myself that every day I work so hard to bury. There is no end to this cycle, there is no hope left, I am forever cursed with a love unbreakable, and there are parts of me that I can never get back from the laughter in the darkness.