The smell is so familiar… I'm lying on the bed, hugging your pillows tight, watching you sleep

The smell is so familiar… I'm lying on the bed, hugging your pillows tight, watching you sleep. It had been the most innocent of days, just spending time in each other's arms… those were the simpler times. The times when I knew without a fleeting doubt that you loved me. I had surrendered my entire heart and trusted that it would stay safe and unscathed. And as I laid there, hugging your pillow and watching you sleep, I pictured waking next to you each morning for the rest of my life…hearing our children's excited footsteps in the hall every Christmas morning… helping you iron out your uniform before your next day of work… I pictured our white wedding and the first time we would ever make love. As I lay there, watching, holding, I knew with every fiber of my being that we would never part. It seems like that was so long ago… Today, I lay here hugging MY pillow, clutching a photograph and a Pink Floyd T-Shirt, wondering when it all went wrong…what I could have done. My mind continues to replay those pictures of perfection in my psyche as if it is an all night movie cinema; I am the only one in the theater. Tonight, I lie here; Today, I have cried here, and I still smell your scent. I still here your sweet 'I love you's. I see your face everywhere I go. Time heals wounds… but never a broken memory…never a truly crushed heart filled with 'what if" and regret. So, as I lay here tonight, I am going to think of waking next to someone else every morning, hearing someone else's children's footsteps on Christmas, someone else's wedding, and of ironing someone else's clothes.