“All I ever wanted was for you to love me!” she cried out in the empty room. Her voice echoed off the bare walls. ”That’s all I ever wanted.” She sat on the hardwood floor of her empty room clutching her wrist. Everything was gone, everything she loved, packed away in boxes. If only, she wished. If only, memories could be packed away like furniture. She, along with her family, were moving, and she was leaving her past behind. But it would follow.

Raindrops began to patter against the windowpane. Her father called out to her, telling her to hurry up. She collected herself and walked out to the car, it began pouring. She sat behind the driver’s seat, that’s where she has always sat since a little girl. She liked being behind her father and being able to see her beautiful, raven-haired, angelic, mother.

From her backpack, she pulled out her CD player, so she wouldn’t have to listen to anyone’s questions or screaming. Although she loved her family, she couldn’t deal with them, she didn’t want to infect them with her pain. She sat there with her notebook on her lap and began writing;

I never wanted it to end like it did. All the screams and tears. I never wanted you to hurt like you did, but then again, I never wanted to hurt like I do.

She glanced down at her covered wrists. She knew the pain that lay beneath the fabric, the perfectly straight pink lines of pain, love, and hatred.

I’ve tried to stop, I hope you know that. I’ve tried to get better, just for you. So you could love me for who I really am. Like you used to. Do you remember those times? I doubt it. You wouldn’t want to. You wouldn’t want to admit to that.

The car began moving. She looked up. Her father, light brown hair and in glasses, was driving, her mother, with her sock covered feet on the dashboard, in the passenger’s seat and her brother next to her, but not too close to know what she was doing. He never bothered her like that. He kept to himself. She was what she worried about.

What happened if I did leave? How would he take that? she thought. Her brother was the only thing she really cared about. Now.

Her brother looked more like her father, minus the glasses. You would expect an eight-year-old to be pestering. He wasn’t. He cared about her just as much as she cared for him, watched over her ever since he saw what she’s done to herself. That was the last time he tried to bother her. She never knew he saw anything, she was only grateful for the space he gave her.

She stared out the rain spattered window trying to rid herself of the nausea that usually came over whenever she read or wrote in the car. Everything moved by so fast, the other cars, the houses and building she grew accustomed to, her entire life was going by.

Sometimes, I don't want to do this anymore. But for some reason, there's something telling me to at least try for a little longer. I just want to be something to you, something important. But I know that won't happen. I don't think I ever was something important to you. I remember when you said "Why is it every time I have contact with you, I'm happy?" Do you remember my answer. Of course not. I said that I didn't know why. "We give a special vibe... and that's what I can't stop loving about you." Yeah, you said that. You made me happy for that brief moment when you said that. You made me think that you still loved me. Do you remember when I asked how you truthfully felt about me? No. You said, "It's a love where words cannot be substituted."

Tears began to well up in her gray-blue eyes. She put down the notebook and sadly, listened to the sweet voice of Conor Oberst singing "The Calender Hung Itself.." "...and does he cry through broken sentences that he loves you far to much?"

And the answer is no. Of course not, she thought to herself. Why would he? He had no real reason to anymore.

You know I loved you, don't you? I hope you do. Do you know that I worry about you? Well worried? No, I still do, I still worry about you. You should. You mean a lot to me. Although I want to move on, I don't. I don't want you to disappear from me. I feel like you are a part of me. But I know, you don't feel that way for me.

”I want a lover I don’t have to love. Love’s an excuse to get hurt...” Why does he have to speak the truth?

The car began to slow, she didn't realize that it was getting dark. Who turned on the light for her? She looked up at her brother and he was drawing. So no one did anything for her. He did it for himself and it just so happened that it helped her. How did a whole day pass without her knowing it? She didn't care. The car pulled into the hotel parking lot. She stuffed her notebook back into her bag.

Car doors clicked open and slammed shut around her. Everyone was walking towards the hotel by the time her car door clicked open and slammed shut. It was as if the life around her was on fast forward and she was just passing through.

She followed the rest of her family to the hotel doors. She stood behind them all as they checked in. She walked behind them as they walked to their room. It was as if she wasn't a part of the family, like she was already beginning to be unnoticed.

Hours went by and the rest of the family began to tire down. Her brother was already curled up in the fetal position, asleep, on the bed that he was to share with her. Her parents were laying together on the other bed. She sat in the bathroom on the toilet seat and wrote.

I hope you get this. I hope whoever finds this knows that this if for you. I hope you read it when they give it to you. The TV just turned off.

Her mother walked in, "Baby, we're going to bed. Don't stay up too late. Okay?"

"Yeah, Mom, I'm just going to finish this sentence, take a bath, and then go to bed."

"Okay, good night. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Everyone's gone now. It's just me, this bottle and this razor. It'll all be better when I do this. I love you more than anything.

She began running the water and finished off a full bottle of sleeping pills. She was going to use the razor in case she didn't finish how she wanted to. She got into the bath full of warm water and sat there, body falling into a slumber. As she felt her eyes closing and her body tiring, she rolled over so that her face was in the water.

The door creaked open, but she couldn’t hear it, the ringing in her head was too loud. She was at complete peace. She let her final breath out and as the water flowed into her lungs, she was filled with complete euphoria, and the bathroom door creaked shut.

The End...