I sit on the couch
and smile like I care,
like it matters
when it doesn't.

I should be happy that he's here
but I'm not.
My friends tell me that its good that he wants to be in my life now
But in reality it isn't.
See, I know why he wants to,
why he came to this sudden realization that he has two kids,
His girlfriend.
She's the one setting up all of the arrangements
All the meetings, answering all the phone calls.
He never wanted to get involved before.
Until he met her.

I dont hate her.
I don't like her.
She is indefferent to me.
To be honest I could really care less what he does
What they do.

Sometimes there is too much damage to be undone.
Sometimes there is too much in the past to get a clean slate.
She's making him do these things
I guess I'm wrong though because he seems to care.
But things would be so much easier if he didn't.
If he just wasn't there.
Its hard to break away from what's normal.

I'm not a good actor.
I can't sit here and get involved with someone who was never there
when they were supposed to be.
I don't like this fake world they are trying to create.
I don't know, just everything he's ever done
Sticks and doesn't go away.
I can't forget the past,
Yeah he's a different man
But that's all he is.
A man with the same last name as me.

Its hard to care again,
to let someone back into your life after you've already let go.
I don't need any more dissapointments.

How can I trust him again?