“Call him.” I asked my best friend, quietly, as I sat on the hospital bed.

“But—“

“Call him.” I said more firmly this time. She sighed, before walking out of my private ward. My family wasn’t extremely rich, but I’m thankful that we could afford the private ward. I didn’t want know that there would always be strangers around me. I didn’t want them to know that I am but a teenager, who has been diagnosed with cancer. I lay back, looking around me, looking at the cold unforgiving room. Did it somehow know that I’m not a good person; that I was an ungrateful, selfish brat? Don’t be stupid. I chided myself. It’s just a room.

A room in which I will die soon enough.

Ash walked back in. “He’ll be here soon.”

“Thank you.” I said quietly, grateful that I had a friend by my side. She sat down beside me.

“Where’s your family?” She asked.

“They’ll be here soon.” She nodded. I looked at her. I looked at my best friend’s eyes slowly fill up with tears. I held her hand. It was ironic that I would be the one to comfort her.

“I’ll be okay.” I said, knowing that she knew it was a lie. Yet, in times like these, people found themselves in need of even the most ridiculous lies to give themselves that small sliver of hope to get through with ordeals. We needed this lie, so that we wouldn’t fall into despair.

--

“He’s here.” My heart began to pound against my chest. Suddenly, I felt so nervous. It’s been so long since I last saw him. He is my ex-boyfriend, whose heart was broken by me, and in turn broke mine at the end of our relationship. We were so in love back then. It was pure bliss, and when I pull memories of us back up to the surface of my mind, they still put a small smile on my face. They were bitter-sweet, but I’m glad that the memories exist. It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. I guess this phrase still holds some truth in it.

I wonder how he is now. I wonder if he’s happy, with his new girlfriend. I wonder about a lot of things, but I do not wonder about what would have happened if he had come back to me instead. We had reached the point where simply forgetting all the bad things that had happened, was impossible. I could never forget and forgive soon enough. He could not wait any longer. There was no time. There were no chances left.

The door opened. I looked up, and saw him standing in the doorway. His hair had grown back. He no longer sported a shaven head. His face still looked the same. His body was much more muscular now. I’d bet the abs he had been training so hard for, had already formed. Suddenly, I felt a pang of jealousy hit me. Jealousy and lament that he was not mine like he used to be; when we belonged only to each other. But things like that won’t matter anymore.

“Hey.” I said to him as I propped myself up.

“Hey.” He said quietly as he walked towards me. Oh how I missed the sound of his voice. It took almost all of me to keep myself from crying. All feelings of the heartbreak slowly came back to me as I found myself staring at his face. How I missed his smile. Is he happy now?

“Are you feeling alright?” He asked.

“I’ve seen better days.” I grinned at him. “So how have you been?”

“Alright, I guess.”

“How are the two of you?” I asked, regretting my question almost immediately. I found myself not wanting to hear his answer.

“Fine.” He said rather curtly. I nodded. Looking down. But it isn’t the time to feel morose. He’s here. I finally got to see him.

“I just wanted to see you,” I said truthfully, “for a short while. I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s fine.”

“Will you hug me?” I ventured. “As a friend, of course.” I quickly added.

He stood up and sat beside me, before giving me a hug. I relished the feeling of his arms around me once again even though I was only receiving the hug in the capacity of a friend. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that he’s here for me now. When his arms loosened and pulled back, I panicked and held onto him tightly.

“For a while more, please. Just a while more.” I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest. “I’m so afraid.” I began to whimper. Before I knew it, everything that I had struggled to keep in was released. I hadn’t cried so hard in a long time.

--

I let go of him. I didn’t know what to do now, except tell him the truth.

“I should never have let you go.” I confessed quietly. “I don’t intend to come between the two of you, but please just let me get this out of my heart.”

I looked at him. He nodded, not saying a word.

“I don’t know if things would have been different now. If I had not let myself lose you the way I had. If I had loved you more. If I had realized that you’re just as human as I am. If I had trusted you just this little bit more. I don’t know if things would have been different, or if we would still come to this: Lovers turned strangers over the course of time and heartaches. But for the record, I never stopped loving you. Even now.”

I stopped for a while. He looked at me, merely looked at me with an expression I could not read.

“I lament. I really do. I lament over our lost love, and I would have given anything to salvage it if I knew things would have come to this. But it’s too late.”

“Why? Why is it always too late?” He asked. “Why are you here in the first place?”

I looked at him, tears welling up in my eyes as I said, “I have cancer.”

“I have cancer.” I repeated. “I’m dying. And I just wanted to make sure that you’re happy. Please be happy; happier. I just wanted to see you one last time.”

He was dumbstruck. He looked at me with widened eyes, mouth hanging open in shock.

“Would you smile for me?” I asked him sadly. “You haven’t smiled, not once. Not since you entered the ward.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” He asked, recovering from the shock.

“There wasn’t any point telling you.”

“What do you mean there wasn’t any point? You could’ve told me!”

“Tell you? I didn’t want to end up having to deal with watching you visit me with her tagging along. I didn’t want to have to deal with any more obstacles reality has to throw my way. I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to have to pretend.”

We glared at each other angrily, before I sighed. “I didn’t ask you here to argue with me... I just wanted to see you again before it’s too late.”

“What’re you going to do, now that you’ve seen me?” He asked.

“I don’t know. But you can go now if you want. I know that you’re most probably going to meet her. So yeah, get on with your life. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” I said, trying to sound as cold and indifferent as I could. I heard him sigh. I hated it when he sighed. It brought back painful memories that I did not want to relive. Not now.

The door opened. Ash whispered hastily, “Your family’s here.” I nodded.

“You’d better go, before they see you.” I said to him. My heart was hurting. I wished he would stay. I wished he would tell me that he had never stopped loving me either, but I know that that’s impossible. I wished he would kiss me and tell me he would not go, even if it meant dealing with my angry parents, especially my Mom. After she learned about our breakup, she decided that he was a complete jerk. Even I don’t know what she might do.

He hesitated. “Go! Before my Mom sees you.” I urged.

He stood up and turned. I felt my heart fall.

“Wait.” I called out. “Would you smile, for me just one last time?”

And smile he did.

“Thank you.” I said. “Thank you for everything.”

--

I never forgot that image of him smiling. I never did. Not even when the pain from the cancer consumed me. I never stopped smiling either.

It is funny how one person’s smile can give another person so much strength. But I take what I have, and I never let go of that image of him smiling. It warmed my heart, until the day came when I knew that it was time for me to go.

The angels sang, and played their song. They whispered in my ear, “It’s time to go to a better place. It’s time.”

I smiled at the people around me. It no longer mattered who they were. “It’s time for me to go.” I smiled, until I breathed my last breath of life.

I never forgot your smile.