Chapter 9

“So, what do you think?” My eyes were wide; looking for approval from one of the only people I was comfortable calling friend in this pathetic, horrible, unjust, terrifying city. I practically perched on the edge of my chair, heart thundering at the very thought of seeing Haven again.

Haven.

The Haven. My Haven. My first love. The apple of my eye-and most importantly the one who popped my cherry. Popped being the operative word there. It’d be more appropriate to say he stuffed my cherry. Ow.

Double ow.

Don’t think about the hurt, think about the good-the satisfaction. It had been quite some time since I had been satisfied with sex. I could satisfy my urges, sleep around, find the most handsome, the most rich, the most willing to put up with me, but I never felt satisfied with the end result.

Especially when it meant…

Fucking the boss. Ew. Ew. Nasty. Don’t think about it. Once more I snapped back into attention to the man who I had directed the question at. Jeremy. My Jeremy. Sweet, kind honest Jeremy… Who is giving me the most unimpressed look ever. “What?”

“So.” I cringed at the lack luster way he approached answering me. “This is the same Haven from Summer Camp from Hell?”

“Hey, it wasn’t that bad.” I countered, running my hands down the sides of a non-fat mocha latte with a two tiers of whipped cream and chocolate chips. That kinda cancels out the fact that it’s non-fat… “I mean, the hiking sucked, the almost drowning sucked, the badminton sucked, the pony riding also sucked, the swimming…. Sucked… But I got laid… Again with the dirty looks!”

He’s so not impressed with me getting laid.

“You’re as shallower than a puddle left by an early spring shower.” His lips touched the edge of the chocolate brown mug. I couldn’t help but watch them, they delicately folded around the glass and my heart skipped a beat. Fuck. It’s been a long time since I’ve- No no. Not Jeremy. I pulled my eyes from his lips.

“Oh hush Shakespeare. Go back to reading Hemmingway or something.” I buried my mouth in the whipped cream sulkily. He’s just mad ‘cause he’s a prude and is harboring secret jealousy that I get to sleep around and not feel the pangs of a conscience.

Just because I traded my conscience for a blowjob back in grade nine…

“Ten bucks says that the only reason you know the name Hemmingway is from that ‘You’re so gay’ song.”

… Jerk.

“Yeah well… you’re gay.” I stuck my tongue-that was covered in whipped cream, out.

“Not particularly, but you are.” He always seemed to keep his temper, no matter how hard I tried to throw him off his game. The only time he got flustered was when I got physical with him. Not to the point of you know, touching him inappropriately… but just a little suggestive. Nyeh.

“So?”

“My point exactly.” He toyed with a packet of sugar, half-heartedly trying to decide whether to add it to his quickly cooling coffee. “But, that’s besides the point. Are you really sure you want to find this guy? I mean, it’s been quite some time… You may just be setting yourself up for disappointment. A lot can happen in… how long?”

I licked my lips, wiping a chunk of chocolate that was sticking to my nose away. “Two and a half years?” I questioned slowly. “Something like that…” Don’t know why I was asking him, but he probably knows better than I do… By being a lot more sober.

Straight edge boy.

I bet he has some sort of secret nightlife. Maybe he directs traffic at the airport-or is a DJ in his spare time… that’d be so cool. Too cool for Jeremy actually. I watched him press his square rim glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Somewhere around that long. We met a little after you moved into the city if my memory serves me correctly.”

“It usually does. Yeah, so two and a half years… but, things don’t change all that fast, I mean, I haven’t done that much… few night courses… modeling…”

“Fucked a few more people.” He added in with a slight touch of spite. He doesn’t have to be such a jerk about my slutty ways.

Meanie.

“Uhuh yeah you disapprove, I know. Drop it.” I scooped a finger full of whipped cream from my latte and reached over, wiping it down Jeremy’s nose. I was gunna put it on his glasses but he would have thrown a little emo fit on me.

And we don’t want to see Jeremy mad.

Or as close to mad as he gets. He cringed and did wiped it off with a napkin. Come on, lick the napkin, prove you aren’t pure vanilla. He put the napkin down. Jerk. “Can you please answer my question before I have to write this brunch off as a pity party.”

He’s a little more bitter then usual.

“It’s closure Jeremy. I need closure-or… it could be the start of something.” I ran my tongue over my lips. “He wanted to see me-He liked me-he just didn’t… have the courage to tell me out-right and-and I could have been with him all this time.” I let the whine escape my throat. It had been a long time building. I want my Haven back in my aarrmmms.

All this time wondering-

And I finally have my answer. It wasn’t just a fuck, it was-it was-I don’t know. More than that! My eyes scanned Jeremy’s, he was hard to read on the best days, let alone when I was trying to get something from him. “Please,” I said softly. “This means a lot to me-and-and you’ve been pretty steady for me ever since I showed up here-and-and-” my voice wavered, I really, really wanted to him to approve, to help, to something. Anything.

He let out a long-suffering sigh and broke eye contact with me. “This obviously means a lot to you, this, Haven fellow.” He said with what I gathered to be mild distaste.

Dunno why, he’s never met him.

He’d probably approve of him, they both run in the same sort of stream of not slut. I’ve been getting better though! I’m not nearly as slutty as I used to be-sex is precious blah blah purity blah. “-So… I don’t know what you want me to say, but-”

Shit!

Listen to the man when he’s talking and you’re the one that pressed him into talking. “If you really want to find him, and have found a way to do that, I say pursue it.”

“Will you help?”

“Wait what?” His eyes met mine again, with slight surprise. I think. Once more, it’s really tough to read him, especially with his hair growing. It’s at mid line with his eyes. I can’t see his eyebrows.

Eyebrows are important.

If the eyes are the window to the soul, the eyebrows are the frame around that window. And if a window doesn’t have a frame, the glass can be blown over and smashed.

I really don’t know where I was going with that.

“Why would you want my help to find your… uh…” He was searching for a polite way to say cherry popper. I’ll give you a hint, there is no polite way.

Poor struggling Jeremy.

“Summer fling?” I offered, giving him an out with something that was mildly insulting as well as descriptive.

“Not the words I would have used but, yes. Why do you want my help?” His eyes had moved to his fingers that were dotted in the whipped cream I had wiped on his nose. I could see the gears turning in his mind, mulling something over. That’s when he was most open to acting natural and not reserved.

I like him best like that.

He placed his fingertip on his tongue, tasting the whipped cream, cleaning is fingers delicately, his eyes still down turned. I didn’t want to break this rare glimpse into natural Jeremy, so I spoke softly. “Because I need someone who’s smart and will think logically through this, I’m not too good with you know, the entire logic thing. My hearts in this far more than my head.”

Flatter him a little.

“And you tend to think with only one head at a time.” He pressed his fingertip lightly to a fallen chocolate shaving, pulling it from the matching cup under his mug. This too made it past his parted lips.

Geh.

I had to shake my head to refocus. I don’t want to sexualize Jeremy. I need at least one friend. Pure friend. Not anything else but a friend friend. “True. So… can you help me?” I asked hopefully, once more a wheezing whine followed the question.

Pretty pretty pleeaase?

Love you lots foreverz? I whined again, watching Jeremy stiffen up and lose the sweetness that had come over him while he was lost in thought. I felt the mild pang at watching the natural self he hid disappear, but my need to hear his answer was overpowering anything else.

“I suppose I can help you.” He muttered into his coffee as he raised it to his lips. “I can just see you getting a restraining order against you for stalking if you don’t have someone to think for you.” He raised his hand, rubbing his forehead.

Obviously frustrated with me.

“Really?? Thank you thank you Jeremy!” I threw myself over the table, latching onto Jeremy, arms thrown around his neck. Oh he’s kinda squishy in a bone wrapped in a thin layer of pudge sort of way.

I bet he has delightful little love handles…

That I could grab onto and-No! No! No sexualizing Jeremy. It’s been far too long- note to self, Jerk off when you get home. I cuddled him as he juggled his coffee, trying not to dump it on me or him. He stiffened into the hug and managed to place the mug down on the table.

“Oh I knew you’d come around.” I pressed my face into his straight brown hair, nudging his glasses up the side of his head, skewing them on his face. “You’re such a good friend!” Mm… he smells good. Kinda like coffee grounds and chocolate axe…

No sexualizing!

Jeremy’s thin arm wrapped around my back and patted me awkwardly. He wasn’t so much pudgy as not muscularly developed. Muscularly… developed in muscle? I unno. A man who hasn’t done a day of hard labor in his life. Thin but lacking muscle…

Yes…

He cleared his throat. “You okay, Kade?” I realized that all the time I was most likely imagining him naked I was still holding onto him.

“Yes. I am. You’re just very cuddly.”

He stiffened all the more and treated me to another deep sigh. “As long as I don’t feel anything poking me in the thigh you can stay like that.”

“You know me Jeremy, my aim is far better than that. Your thigh won’t feel a thing.” He groaned and in all likelihood rolled his eyes at me, I was too busy playing with his hair that refused to leave its perfectly places position no matter how I played with it.

So entertaining.

“So… uh,” He cleared his throat, awkwardly repositioning himself as I made my way onto his lap.

Aw he’s so cute when he blushes.

Non-Sexualizing! I pulled back to sit comfortably on his lap, reaching over the table to take my latte, downing a large gulp, watching Jeremy look for a way to start up a conversation.

It’s fun to watch him squirm.

I’m only a little evil. I licked the flattened whipped cream from the rim of my cup, watching his eyes flicker from them back to anywhere but there on my face. Once more, it was up to me to put him out of his misery. “Where should we start?”

There. You owe me for that.

He smiled weakly. “Let’s go uh… Google the area code or something… make sure you can actually afford to call him on your meager models salary before… actually calling… or something.” He cleared his throat trying to put distance between us.

“I fucked my manager, I’m set for money for a while.” I beamed. He flinched. “Kidding.” I said, a slight dart of pain going through my chest at the thought. I really, really wish I hadn’t brought that up. Really really. Gotta.. make it better somehow…

“Just lemme pay for these and… and I’ll meet you at your place… later.” Jeremy shifted under my pert little bottom.

“Why not now?” I groaned, impatient. I want my Haven and I want him served on a silver platter with a tiny little loincloth that says something witty about meat or a full course meal.

Witty.

“I have uh, something to take care of-and work-I’m only on a break.” He blushed subtly. “So-I’ll finish my shift and meet you at your apartment.” He placed his hands on my hips, pushing them slowly off his lap.

I hopped down from his lap and leaned over, kissing his cheek while tucking a ten into his belt to cover my drink and muffin. “Alright Jeremy.” I want to jerk off anyway, I can at least take the time to do that while he goes off and develops pictures and stuff. “I’ll see you later. Don’t be too long.” I turned on my heel, as usual not letting him counter to my actions and strode from the shop with evil intent on my mind.