Chapter 1

"Hello, this is Andy," I answered my phone without looking at the caller ID. It wasn't a habit, but I was in a hurry to get the proposal I had been up all night and day working on, to my boss before he left for a business meeting.

"Andy? It's your mother." I stopped dead in my tracks. I was thirty feet from his office. Patricia his secretary saw me and scrambled out of her seat making her way towards me.

"Is this the proposal?" she whispered pointing at the folder in my hand. I only nodded and handed it to her. "I'll give it to Mr. Spencer." I nodded numbly.

"Andy? Are you still there?"

"Uh…yeah, mom, I'm here." I forced a lighter tone to my voice. "How are you?"

"Honey, I know you swore you didn't want to come back here, but I need you; there's something going on and I need you to come home." I looked up at the clock: three. Damn. "Honey…are you there?"

"Yeah mom." I saw Patricia hand Rick the folder and wave at me through the glass that encompassed his office. I gave a half-hearted wave in return. Slowly I turned around and walked back to my office. "What did you say?" Maybe I had heard wrong. Maybe…

"I need you to come home. Something's happening and I believe it's pretty serious."

"Come home?" I echoed. I hadn't been home in eight years. Oh sure, I had called my mom on a regular basis, at first at least, but I swore to myself that I would never go back there. Only bad memories and pain were back there. Nothing positive. Nothing worth returning. "Mom, I told you a long time ago…I can't go back there."

"Honey, I know what you told me, but I have to argue that this is more important than some stubborn idea you have in your head."

My pulse increased and I clenched my fist as I sat at my desk. "Nothing could persuade me to return."

"So are you trying to tell me I will never get to see my daughter again?" I could hear her throat tightening and the tears behind her words.

"Aw, mom, that's not what I meant. I love you, but that place…it just holds heartache and pain."

"It's been eight years since I've seen you, Andy. The closest thing I've come to actually seeing my baby girl is pictures and video and that's after you set me up with Internet. I mean I haven't hugged you in eight years! I miss you sweetheart."

I smiled. It had been three years ago when I finally called and had some tech guys install cable Internet for my mother. She was far behind the times, but I guess that's what you get when you live in a small town where most records are kept on paper and most correspondence goes through the post office. "I miss you too, mom."

"Then come out to see me. I need you right now, Andy." She sounded desperate and I couldn't for the life of me think of a reason why my mother would be desperate for me to come visit her. I mean sure, it had been eight years, but in fact it still felt as though it were yesterday that I had just left home and ran off to my grandmother's house.

"Why mom? Why now?"

She sighed. "I don't want to do this over the phone. I just need to see you. Hold you in my arms again."

I looked down at the large desk-sized calendar that was positioned underneath the glass top of my desk. It was true I didn't have too much going on at the moment. I could delegate my tasks to other guys in the office. I had enough vacation time racked up, paid vacation time at that, but still I couldn't shake this weird feeling I had…this sense of dread. Going back there would open up the part of my life I thought I had closed. I didn't need to be reminded of how drastically things had changed eight years ago…how it was all my fault. I didn't need that painful reminder, but I couldn't ignore the desperation I heard in my mother's voice.

"Alright," I barely managed to get out.

"Really?" she sounded relieved…not happy or excited, but relieved.

"Yes, on one condition."

"Anything."

"I don't want you to tell anyone. I just want to come visit you. I can get off for a week, two at most, so no one has to know."

There was a long pause as if she were debating my terms then I heard a sigh of defeat. "Fine. I won't tell anyone, but that doesn't mean you'll get to slack off. If I need you for something than you will do it, understand?"

I smiled. Even several hundred miles away she managed to put me in my place. I felt like I was sixteen again. "Fine. I'll make arrangements today and get in by the weekend I suppose. I'll probably rent a car once I'm out there. I'll call when I'm on my way."

"Thank you, honey. I'm glad."

"Okay, mom, I have to go."

"I love you, Andy; no matter what happens, know that I love you, okay?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. What was she talking about? "All right, mom," I settled for. "I love you." I hung up the phone and stared at my desktop. What had I just done?

"Andy? Mr. Spencer said he loved the proposal," I looked up at Patricia standing in my doorway and nodded. I looked down at my watch. Four-thirty?

"Patricia? Rick's out of his meeting?" I asked.

"Yeah, it ended several minutes ago. Are you okay? You don't look too good."

"I don't feel too good, but I need to talk to him. I'll be out there in a few minutes." She nodded and walked away. I sat at my desk a few more minutes then stood up and made my way to my boss's office.

"Andy? You wanted to talk? I looked over your proposal for the Spitz account. Loved it."

"Thanks, but that's not what I came in here to talk to you about."

"Oh?"

"I came here to ask if it was possible to take some vacation time. I need a week or so."

"For what? You haven't taken any vacation time since you started here."

I smiled weakly, "It's my mother. She needs me sir."

"What, is she dying?" he joked.

"I don't think so…I hope not." It struck a chord—what if that was why she was calling? I pushed the thought out of my head. "I haven't been home in eight years. I think it's about time."

"Alright. You finished the Spitz account. Do you have any other projects you're working on?"

"All minor things and I can delegate them to Danny and his team."

He swiveled in his chair slightly. "Alright, take as much time as you need, but I can't give you more than two weeks paid; so anything more than two weeks and…well you get the picture."

I nodded, "I really don't think I'll be more than a week."

"Just out of curiosity, why haven't you gone back there? I mean you said it's been eight years, right?"

I considered him for a moment then looked down at my hands. "My sister died when I was sixteen. I left shortly after the accident and went to live with my grandmother."

"I'm sorry Andy; I didn't mean to pry."

"It's okay," I said forcing the tears to vanish. I blinked several times before looking back up at him. "But I think I better go make those flight arrangements. I told my mother I would try and get there by the weekend. I'll tell Danny and the others—,"

"Don't worry about it, Andy. I'll take care of it for you. Just go book your flight and try to have a little rest on your vacation."

I smiled at him then stood up, "I'll try."

God I was so screwed. Why had I agreed to go back home? I couldn't go back there. I couldn't face that house again. I couldn't face my mother. I was the reason my mother only had one daughter. It was my fault my sister was driving that night. It was my fault for upsetting her. How was I supposed to face my mother?

"Andy?" I looked up and saw Patricia standing by her desk.

I smiled. "Yes?"

"Do you need me to do anything for you? Call anyone? Maybe set up your flight and get a rental car in place?" I couldn't help but smile wider. Even though she was Rick's secretary she never hesitated to help me out.

"Thanks for the offer, but I can handle it." She nodded then sat back down and I could tell she was watching as I walked to my office. I shut the door and collapsed in my chair.

"God help me," I barely whispered.

It was almost eight o'clock when I finished getting everything in order. I purchased my ticket and had a rental car waiting for me. I would need it. The airport was at least a couple hours from my home town and I had no intention of taking the bus. I cleaned up the office and made sure Danny and his team knew what they were supposed to do in my absence.

I turned my computer off and glanced around the room. Weird how I felt like this would be the last time I would see it…and even weirder when I realized I had nothing really "personal" in the office that I would miss. I had one picture of my grandmother and I, but that was about it; and it's not like I would die if I had to part with it. I loved her dearly but honestly I didn't have too deep of a connection with the woman.

I met her when I was sixteen. She took me in despite her objections and nonetheless took care of me; she supported me through college and encouraged me to pursue excellence. And though I had, I still felt a part of me was missing. I loved my grandmother for everything she had done for me and I know she loved me. We had our ups and downs but we had always managed to work through them. She was my rock in my time of desperation, and I was her life preserver keeping her afloat in her lonely existence.

She had passed away a couple years ago, but not before giving me all that was hers. She had a substantial sum of money she had earned throughout the years by different ex-husbands and lucrative business deals. She had provided me with more than I could possibly ask for and now I would never be penniless again.

I had come to her when I was sixteen with only ten dollars left in my pocket and nothing but a sad, desperate cry for help from a grandchild she never knew. I remember she didn't believe me at first, but I told her about my father—her son—and the situation that led me to search for her. It had been three days after the accident when I looked her up and bought my bus ticket to New York. I had stolen money from the emergency money-jar and sadly from my sisters own personal stash; combined with what I had, it was just enough for a bus ticket and the means to find my grandmother once I entered the city.

I remember my grandmother looking at me for a long time after I finished my story and begged for her help. She was trying to process the information and figure out what to do with me; I remember her telling her household staff to prepare some food for me, and a place to stay in one of the guest rooms. She told me she would call my mother after I went to bed and we would talk again in the morning. At breakfast the next day she said nothing about her conversation with my mother only looked at me and smiled weakly then launched into a conversation about tutors and new clothes and house rules. I listened to her relentlessly and was always trying to improve myself in her eyes. To be honest I think she was glad for the opportunity to help me. I saw the love in her eyes after several months together. She would tell me stories about my father and how I was very much like him. She helped me through the most difficult time in my life and for that I would always be grateful.

I took one last look at the office before shutting the lights off and walking towards the elevator. Our office was located on the twenty-seventh floor and it took several minutes before I entered the small, enclosed space. It was well past rush hour traffic and I was thankful it wouldn't take long to reach my apartment.

A taxi was waiting for me when I reached the first floor. I told the driver the address and waited patiently in the back as he drove the distance. "Here you are, ma'am."

"Thank you," I smiled and handed him the fare after climbing out of the car.

"Hello Miss Harris, long night?" Stephen, my apartment's lobby man, asked me as I entered the building.

"Yes. I'm actually going to be going out of town for several days. I wanted to let you know and to see if it's possible to place my mail inside the apartment." I lived in an exclusive apartment complex that employed several people to keep its tenants happy, which included any far-fetched requests any one of us might have.

"Sure thing, Miss Harris. I'll put a note in the system. Anything else you need?"

"No I think that's all. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone, but I'll try to keep you updated. It could be a week or possibly two…" I hated the idea of being home for two weeks. I wasn't sure why my mother wanted me to come home, but one thing was for sure, I would not stay longer than two weeks. I couldn't.

"I'll let everyone know. May I ask why you are leaving so unexpectedly?"

I smiled and pushed the elevator button, "I'm going to visit my mother. She thought a visit was long overdue. Oh, and Stephen, would you be able to call a cab company and have a car waiting for me tomorrow morning? My flight's at eight so if you could have them arrive by five-thirty?"

"Sure thing." I smiled and waved goodbye to him as I stepped into the elevator. I waited patiently as the elevator brought me to my floor and stepped out. I fished out my keys from my purse and unlocked my apartment door and flicked on the lights. It was a fairly large apartment; my favorite part was my bedroom. It had a connecting walk in closet. My grandmother had bought the apartment I lived in my first year at NYU and I didn't have the heart to part with it. She had helped decorate it and fill it with furniture, clothes, and anything else I needed. Now I was standing in my closet pulling out my suitcase and filling it with everything I might possibly need for my trip.

It was winter in New York, which meant it was just as bad back home. I finished packing my suitcase and other necessities in my carry-on. I would only be there a short time but I had made sure I packed enough clothes to last me for two weeks. I couldn't stay longer than that—not because of work, but because I knew the longer I stayed there the more the memories would slowly begin to seep into my consciousness. I had pushed all those bad feelings to the back reaches of my mind and I was not about to let them surface. Nothing could tempt me to stay there. Nothing could persuade me to remember why I had left. Nothing.