Left.
Left, right.
Left, right, up.
Left, right, up, left.

It was like a game. The object of the game was avoidance. If you could avoid making eye contact while remembering the directions you have previously looked you win. At least that is what I tell myself when I play this game.

Left, right, up, left, down.

Lately I've been getting much better at this game. It's not that hard if you play as frequently or for the duration that I do, it just happens naturally. By now you're probably questioning my sanity, its okay, I do so quite often. The only thing is that I don't question whether or not I'm sane; no I question how deeply burrowed in my mind the insanity is and how easily it seeps into my everyday life.

Left, right, up, left, down, right.

I haven't always been like this; I used to face everything head on. A while ago I began to question if this was the best approach to my life. Conflicts are easy to start and hard to solve when you're as stubborn as me. When I realized this I began playing my game and learning how much easier things were to avoid rather then deal with.

Left, right, up, left, down, right, down.

By avoiding things I appear to be happy, and I am; mostly. That's another thing I avoid, showing when I'm unhappy. Being unhappy leads to people asking questions and pretending they care. I tend to shake my head at them, if they really don't care why do they ask, what difference will it make to them?

Left, right, up, left, down, right, down, up.

Left, right, up, left, down, right, down, up, left.

You're talking to me and I continue to frustrate you by not making eye contact. You have yet to realize the game I'm playing is in fact just a game. You just think I'm feeling too guilty to look you in the eye, but you're quite wrong. I just won't let you're petty words get to me, you're not worth it. Left, right, up, left, down, right, down, up, left, up. I can see your shoes; you're shifting your weight back and forth. Am I the one making you feel this way? My silence should provoke you're yelling, you only want me to fight back, thus you yell more. I already know this trick and just let myself slip back into the game.

Left, right, up, left, down, right, down, up, left, down.

Left, right, up, left, down, right, down, up, left, down, right.

Sometimes this game doesn't solve all my problems. Even though I want to real bad this game doesn't stop the need to cry, it only prevents you from doing so. Not crying isn't so bad, but it stores up way too much emotion, making it hard to keep playing the game. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so good at this game of avoidance.

Left, right, up, left, down, right, down, up, left, down, right, up.

Now I wonder what to do, you've left and I have nothing to avoid. I can't just end the game; I'm working towards a new all time high. Out of the corner of my eye I notice there is a pen and paper. The little wheels inside my head are turning rapidly.

Left, right, up, left, down, right, down, up, left, down, right, up, right.

Left, right, up, left, down, right, down, up, left, down, right, up, right, left.

It's amazing how fast words come to me, I never realized I felt this strongly. The emotions have been bubbling away for quite some time. I'm sure my friends have noticed slightly and worried about me. I think I'm finally pulling out of it; avoidance only works for so long.

Left, right, up, left, down, right, down, up, left, down, right, up, left, straight ahead.

You're eyes are the first I meet, and I smile. I felt bad for clamming up like this; you are nothing like that man and never will be. You and my friends have been a great help and I just want to apologize for my silly games. You hug me and I realize everything will get better and life will be amazing again; no more games for this girl.