|So much for I love you
Author: Hateful Loving PM
Every day I have to pass by him in the halls,see him in class or at lunch sitting with all the jocks and cheerleaders. So much for "I love you" right? When really its all just lies but was it really a lie or was he really telling me the truth?R&RRated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 16,987 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 01-31-09 - Published: 10-18-08 - id: 2585692
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
First I would like to say I now have a site where I will post any items named in the story or any information about my writings. You could get the site from my profile and please check it out because I some very important information in my blog. Also I have pictures posted up of all the characters form this story so far. So go check that out too. Anyways one with the story.
I know you may not want to be hearing from me, much less reading a letter I wrote to you but I need you to read this please.
I'm not sure how to begin what I want to say. I've been sitting in my room trying to think of how to write this properly to you but I know it will never be right. This is maybe the 20th copy of what I want to say but I just could never get it right. But I'm going to try my best, but I know it will never make things between us right again.
Kaylee I can't begin to tell you how truly sorry I am for the pain I cause you each and every day. I see the hurt and pain I'm causing just by being in the same area as you and I hate myself for knowing I cause that hurt each time. I hate knowing that what happened a year ago of my dumbest decision still causes you pain till this day. I hate everything about it and I don't want to cause that anymore Kaylee.
I want you to be happy and I think I need you to be happy. It doesn't only hurt you Kaylee; it hurts me just the same. I know that may be hard for you to believe but it's the truth. Every time I see you from a distance, laughing or smiling. It makes me thing of all the good memories I have with you. Of all the times you laughed or smiled with me there with you. But then when I come back to reality and realize that, that's not how it is anymore, I feel like my hearts breaking.
Okay, let me start at the beginning from that day a year ago because this way I can hopefully explain a little more or just help ease that hurt in some way.
After I told you that I love you and you didn't say anything, I felt like an idiot. I thought I said it too soon or that maybe you really didn't feel that strongly about me. And then when you ran away without saying anything, it was like my heart broke right there and then. So I left the park and did what I barely ever did. I headed to Mariah's party and got drunk. I just kept drinking because I thought it would make me numb. That it would stop me from feeling any more but it didn't do any of that. It only made me lead to a horrible decision that I still regret to this day.
I thought if you never found out, I could forget about it and then maybe you would love me in time. I thought maybe if I just gave you time, you could maybe love me. But then you did find out and it killed me to see your expression that day. I'm not exactly sure how to describe what I saw but...
Then as time carried on I knew I couldn't be around you anymore because I would only hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you anymore so I kept my distance. I did always ask Hayden how you were but he never told me, he always said he didn't even know himself. But it was only till a few days ago that I learned of why he didn't know. That you couldn't even look at Hayden because of me. The one guy you trusted with your life, you couldn't even glance at because all you saw was me. I didn't believe it when Hayden said so but deep down I knew it was true. I knew it was true because I saw the hurt in your eyes, I saw what I did was doing to you.
Then the idea of moving on came to me. I thought that if I was with a new girl, it would help you move on too, that maybe you would find someone new also. But then after that idea happened, I kept moving from girl to girl. I know it's wrong but I kept doing it because I thought that maybe it would help me get over you but it only made me miss you more and more. I always found myself comparing the girls to you and I could never seem to find someone even close to what you were to me.
Throughout the year I did many stupid things but the number one thing, was losing you Kaylee. Losing you was the worst thing I have ever done. I just want you to be happy; I want you to be with a guy you deserve. You're this amazing girl and whoever you choose will be a hell of a lucky guy. When that guy comes I hope he will be smarter than me, to not screw up because you deserve someone who's good to you.
I could apologize until I die but I know it will never be enough for what I did. I won't bug you ever again. Kaylee, I stay out of your life like you wanted me too. I'll try my best to not cause you any more pain but I want you to know one thing before I leave your life.
I want you to know that I still miss you each and every day. I will always love you Kaylee and it kills me to know what I did. But I want you to be happy and to forget of me. Please be happy Kaylee.
Love and miss you always,
As the last part echoed in my head, I began to fold the paper back up. I walked over to my jewellery case and placed it gently back inside and locked it back up. I hid the key back where it always was and made my way to the balcony. I took a seat outside on the cool cement and just sat there staring out above me at the stars.
Jayden...he couldn't have meant what he said. He couldn't. He's not supposed to "love me"; he's just not supposed to. He was to move on, he cheated on me! He can't do this to me; he can't say he loves me when I know he doesn't. He just can't...
I awoke the next day much later than I was supposing to. As my sore eyes opened to my alarm clock, a scream tore from my throat. I jumped out of bed, only to fall straight to the floor since my legs were tangled in the sheets. I pulled them off and jumped up running to the bathroom. I started the shower waiting for it to heat up. As I waited, I ran into my closet searching for something to wear. I grabbed a simple white wife beader and my rockin' republic denim skirt. I threw them onto my bed and went in search for my Gucci peep toe booties. I found them hidden in the back of my closet and I pulled them out. I placed them on my bed beside my clothes and ran back into the bathroom.
I showered quickly and raced to dry my hair while trying to pull my clothes on. Once my hair was dry and looking good, I began doing my makeup. Once I was also finished that and had my clothes on properly, I slipped my Gucci's on before racing down the stairs. I ran-as best as I could in heels- into the kitchen and saw my brother eating his lunch-breakfast or whatever it was. He looked up at me amused and I just glared at him.
"Why you in such a rush?"
"I have school which I'm like 3 hours later for."
"So don't go."
"I need to."
"Because I just need, okay Broady?"
"Whatever Kay, just slow down before you break a heel."
"Ha-ha very funny now if you don't mind telling me where my bag is I'll be off."
"It's in the front closet, where you threw it yesterday."
"I did not throw it."
"Yah you did."
"No I didn't!" He began laughing at me which made me narrow my eyes at him.
"Aren't you late for something?" He looked over his coffee amused once again.
"Oh shit. Bye!" I ran from the kitchen and out of the house but I did grab my bag quickly. I got into my car and pulled out of my driveway, beginning my drive to school.
As I pulled into the parking lot for school, the lunch bell had just rung. I climbed out of my car and walked into the cafeteria towards my friends.
"Kaylee, where were you?"
"Hey guys. I kind of slept in a little longer than I thought." I smiled sheepishly and they laughed. I took my seat beside Hayden and Kyra and smiled.
"So what has been going on today?"
"Well nothing interesting has happened. School's been getting so boring lately." Tristan mumbled while reaching for Emily's food. She slapped his hand away and he cradled it to his chest pretending to be hurt. I laughed and just shook my head.
"Well that sucks. But guess what?"
"Wow you guys sound so interested I don't think I can tell you now." Kyra rolled her eyes and waved her hand in the air.
"Kayleee just tell us. You can't say guess what and then not tell someone what you were about to say. That's like torture." Sarah clarified to me with a smile which only made me laugh.
"Fine fine. So there's this big party I know that's happening. It's pretty formal but it's going to be real good."
"My mom's boss or something like that. I don't know. Anyways there's going to be a whole separate room just for the children of the business people. Apparently it's supposed to be like a "mini club" which in translation means it's going to be totally hot!" They all look shocked so I just smiled. "I'm allowed to bring you guys but it is pretty fancy so we will have to dress up."
"I'm so in." Kyra smiled mischievously and began eating her lunch again. I stole some fries from her and she just laughed.
"We'll all come. It'll be a good night."
"Ohhh yay! Drake's coming also. I told him of it and he said he would come. Isn't that just great?" Hayden laughed and nodded his head at me.
"Drake? You mean like the Drake we have never met?" Kyra looked over shocked.
"Yeah but Hayden and the guys met him yesterday."
"No we didn't." Tristan and Damien looked up confused now.
"No not you guys, I mean Kellen, Aiden, and J-Jayden." Their mouths turn into little "o's" and I smiled sadly.
"So you guys will come then?" They all nodded but I guess now was the time to tell them.
"It's this Friday and Mariah's also going to be there." I mumbled the last part softly but it was like I yelled it. All heads snapped towards me, I thought they would have got whiplash.
"Mariah?" I nodded and Kyra look like she wanted to strangle something.
"Wait is this party called something like..."
"Spring Fling or something like that?"
"Yeah that's the one." Hayden muttered darkly.
"Why you know about it?"
"Yeah, I know all about it."
"How did you know?" His face closed up and I knew I wasn't going to like this.
"I don't know. Heard about it?" It came out more as a question rather than a statement.
"Hayden tell me the truth. I trust you." He looked over and I could see the inner struggle he was having. This was for sure not going to be good.
"Mariah's taking Jayden." I kept my emotions at bay and my expression showed nothing.
"Oh well that doesn't matter. Let's go and have fun." I smiled to show that i was affected and they actually bought it. "I already got my dress but I still need to find some shoes. When do you girls want to go shopping?" I looked over to them and they looked a little shocked but their getting good at covering their emotions quickly.
"Let's go tomorrow. What's your dress like?"
"No way," I laughed, shaking my head. "I will only say it's Versace." They laughed and smiled, mumbling things like unfair or what not.
"Anyways there's going to be tons of other people there and like there are no adults. They don't have anyone watching our room except the DJ. How sick is that?" I gushed and they just began laughing at me again.
My body tensed a little. It was as though he was whispering the words into my ear right at that moment. I want you to know that I still miss you each and every day. I will always love you Kaylee... But he wasn't whispering anything; he was sitting at the table right over there. I looked to his table and saw him looking at me. Our eyes met and I couldn't break away, they just held me there. ... will always love you Kaylee... No, no, no! He does not love me. He screwed everything up, he doesn't love me! I knew the hurt flashed in my eyes as I looked at him and I knew he saw it. His face looked hurt and his eyes were full of pain. But what he said in his letter was lies, all one big lie. They couldn't be true.
It was all lies or was it really the truth?
Okay so here is another chapter to this story. I hope you enjoy it and I hope you liked the letter from Jayden. Please review and let me know what you think about it.
I now have a site with information and pictures of the characters and their clothes. The information can be seen in my blog and the pictures are under "my writings" and then under this story's title. So please check it out because I HAVE IMPORTANT INFO ON THE SITE that needs to read. The link is on my profile!
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Please review once again and let me know what you think!